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"The Office"
Product Recall (2007)
Jim Halpert:
[Jim sits at his desk, dressed like Dwight] Question. What kind of bear is best?
Dwight Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim Halpert: False. Black bear.
Dwight Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought...
Jim Halpert: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight Schrute: Bears do not... what is going on? What are you doing?
Jim Halpert: [In interview] Last week I was in a drugstore, and I saw these glasses for $4.00. And it only cost me $7.00 to recreate the rest of the ensemble. And that is a grand total of $11.00.
Dwight Schrute: [Back at their desks] You know what? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I thank you.
Jim Halpert: [Jim takes a bobblehead doll out of his suitcase and sets it on his desk]
Dwight Schrute: Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim Halpert: [Beat] Michael!
Dwight Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!
Kelly Kapoor: [singing to the tune of "Hollaback Girl" and clapping] This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! This day is bananas! B-A-N-A...
Angela Martin: [cut to Angela taking some aspirin] I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing.
Customer: I'm calling the Better Business Bureau.
[storms out]
Michael Scott: Oh yeah? Well I'm calling the Ungrateful Biatch Hotline!
Jim Halpert: Lord, beer me strength.
Andy Bernard: [in Andy's car] Beer me!
Jim Halpert: What's that?
Andy Bernard: Hand me that water?
[Jim does so]
Andy Bernard: I always say 'beer me.' It gets a laugh, like, a quarter of the time.
[Andy has just found out his girlfriend is a high school student]
Andy Bernard: [horrified] OH MY GOD!
Jim Halpert: Oh *my* God.
Andy Bernard: I had no idea!
Jim Halpert: [grinning] Weeeell... that's not gonna hold up in court.
Andy Bernard: We didn't do anything illegal... Except knock over a mailbox with her friends.
[Dwight comes in dressed as Jim as revenge]
Dwight Schrute: Pam.
[drums on her desk]
Pam Beesly: [amused] Hey, Dwight. You look really nice today.
Dwight Schrute: Pssh. I look like an idiot.
[goes over to his desk]
Dwight Schrute: He, Karen.
[flattens his hair to make it more Jim-like]
Karen Filippelli: Hey, Dwight. Lookin' sharp.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, that's 'cause I'm your boyfriend, Jim Halpert.
[Karen smiles]
Dwight Schrute: Hey, Karen, wanna get together later and have sexual intercourse, 'cause you're my girlfriend?
Jim Halpert: [looks at Karen] Do you?
Karen Filippelli: No. I'm good, thanks.
Jim Halpert: OK.
[Dwight makes some Jim-faces at the camera; Jim is impressed]
Jim Halpert: Look at that.
Dwight Schrute: I'm Jim Halpert.
Jim Halpert: Spot on.
Dwight Schrute: [makes some more faces and mumbles] Meh, little comment.
Jim Halpert: So... High School.
Denise: Do you have a cigarette?
Jim Halpert: No, I don't smoke, sorry.
Denise: There's nothing to do in this town.
Jim Halpert: You should take up a musical instrument.
Denise: Yeah, I should take up that. Jamie.
Jim Halpert: So, does Mr. Nortman still teach here? He's a jerk, right?
Denise: He's dead. Hey do you have any weed?
Jim Halpert: Nope, no. What else... What else... Hey, do you watch The Hills? What is Heidi thinking?
Denise: How old are you?
Jim Halpert: How old do you think I am?
Denise: 40?
Jim Halpert: [shakes head]
Denise: Are you someone's Dad here?
Jim Halpert: Not that I know of.
Denise: Ew... What kind of car do you drive?
Jim Halpert: I drive a SAAB station wagon.
Denise: My dad just gave me his old Lexus.
Jim Halpert: Really? Way to earn it. Hey Andy?
Andy Bernard: What?
Jim Halpert: Yup.
Dwight Schrute: I grew up on a farm; I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable; goat on chicken, chicken on goat, couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching.
Andy Bernard: So Tuna, when we get in there let's do a really good job ok.
Jim Halpert: Did that really need to be said?
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Dwight Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim Halpert: False. Black bear.
Dwight Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought...
Jim Halpert: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight Schrute: Bears do not... what is going on? What are you doing?
Jim Halpert: [In interview] Last week I was in a drugstore, and I saw these glasses for $4.00. And it only cost me $7.00 to recreate the rest of the ensemble. And that is a grand total of $11.00.
Dwight Schrute: [Back at their desks] You know what? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I thank you.
Jim Halpert: [Jim takes a bobblehead doll out of his suitcase and sets it on his desk]
Dwight Schrute: Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim Halpert: [Beat] Michael!
Dwight Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!
Kelly Kapoor: [singing to the tune of "Hollaback Girl" and clapping] This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! This day is bananas! B-A-N-A...
Angela Martin: [cut to Angela taking some aspirin] I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing.
Customer: I'm calling the Better Business Bureau.
[storms out]
Michael Scott: Oh yeah? Well I'm calling the Ungrateful Biatch Hotline!
Jim Halpert: Lord, beer me strength.
Andy Bernard: [in Andy's car] Beer me!
Jim Halpert: What's that?
Andy Bernard: Hand me that water?
[Jim does so]
Andy Bernard: I always say 'beer me.' It gets a laugh, like, a quarter of the time.
[Andy has just found out his girlfriend is a high school student]
Andy Bernard: [horrified] OH MY GOD!
Jim Halpert: Oh *my* God.
Andy Bernard: I had no idea!
Jim Halpert: [grinning] Weeeell... that's not gonna hold up in court.
Andy Bernard: We didn't do anything illegal... Except knock over a mailbox with her friends.
[Dwight comes in dressed as Jim as revenge]
Dwight Schrute: Pam.
[drums on her desk]
Pam Beesly: [amused] Hey, Dwight. You look really nice today.
Dwight Schrute: Pssh. I look like an idiot.
[goes over to his desk]
Dwight Schrute: He, Karen.
[flattens his hair to make it more Jim-like]
Karen Filippelli: Hey, Dwight. Lookin' sharp.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, that's 'cause I'm your boyfriend, Jim Halpert.
[Karen smiles]
Dwight Schrute: Hey, Karen, wanna get together later and have sexual intercourse, 'cause you're my girlfriend?
Jim Halpert: [looks at Karen] Do you?
Karen Filippelli: No. I'm good, thanks.
Jim Halpert: OK.
[Dwight makes some Jim-faces at the camera; Jim is impressed]
Jim Halpert: Look at that.
Dwight Schrute: I'm Jim Halpert.
Jim Halpert: Spot on.
Dwight Schrute: [makes some more faces and mumbles] Meh, little comment.
Jim Halpert: So... High School.
Denise: Do you have a cigarette?
Jim Halpert: No, I don't smoke, sorry.
Denise: There's nothing to do in this town.
Jim Halpert: You should take up a musical instrument.
Denise: Yeah, I should take up that. Jamie.
Jim Halpert: So, does Mr. Nortman still teach here? He's a jerk, right?
Denise: He's dead. Hey do you have any weed?
Jim Halpert: Nope, no. What else... What else... Hey, do you watch The Hills? What is Heidi thinking?
Denise: How old are you?
Jim Halpert: How old do you think I am?
Denise: 40?
Jim Halpert: [shakes head]
Denise: Are you someone's Dad here?
Jim Halpert: Not that I know of.
Denise: Ew... What kind of car do you drive?
Jim Halpert: I drive a SAAB station wagon.
Denise: My dad just gave me his old Lexus.
Jim Halpert: Really? Way to earn it. Hey Andy?
Andy Bernard: What?
Jim Halpert: Yup.
Dwight Schrute: I grew up on a farm; I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable; goat on chicken, chicken on goat, couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching.
Andy Bernard: So Tuna, when we get in there let's do a really good job ok.
Jim Halpert: Did that really need to be said?
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