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"Doctor Who" Utopia (TV Episode 2007) Poster

(TV Series)

(2007)

Quotes

The Doctor: And Utopia is...?

Professor Yana: Oh, every human knows of Utopia. Where have you been?

The Doctor: Bit of a Hermit.

Professor Yana: A-a hermit

[sounds doubtful]

Professor Yana: with, uh, friends?

The Doctor: Hermits United. We meet up every 10 years, swap stories about caves. It's good fun. For a Hermit.

The Doctor: [about Rose] Everything she did was so human. She brought you back to life, but she couldn't control it. She brought you back forever. That's something, I suppose. The final act of the Time War was life.

Captain Jack Harkness: [working a power system panel] Do you think she could change me back?

The Doctor: I took the power out of her. She's gone, Jack. She's not just living on a parallel world. She's trapped there. The walls have closed.

Captain Jack Harkness: I'm sorry.

The Doctor: Yeah.

Captain Jack Harkness: I went back to her estate in the Nineties, just once or twice, watched her growing up. Never said hello, time lines and all that.

The Doctor: Do you want to die?

Captain Jack Harkness: [pulling on a power system panel] This one's a little stuck.

The Doctor: Jack.

Captain Jack Harkness: I thought I did. I don't know, but this lot, you see them out here surviving and that's fantastic.

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Captain Jack Harkness: Doctor.

The Doctor: Captain.

Captain Jack Harkness: Good to see you.

The Doctor: And you. Same as ever. Although, have you had work done?

Captain Jack Harkness: You can talk!

The Doctor: [looks confused for a second] Oh yes, the face. Regeneration. How did you know this was me?

Captain Jack Harkness: The police box kinda gives it away.

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The Doctor: When did you realise?

Captain Jack Harkness: Earth, 1892. Got in a fight on Ellis Island. Man shot me through the heart, then I woke up. Thought it was kinda strange. But then it never stopped. Fell off a cliff, trampled by horses, world war one, world war two, poison, starvation, a stray javelin...

The Doctor: [painful] Ooh!

Captain Jack Harkness: In the end, I got the message. I'm the man who can never die. And all that time you knew.

The Doctor: That's why I left you behind. It's not easy, even just... just looking at you, Jack, 'cause you're wrong.

Captain Jack Harkness: Thanks.

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The Doctor: The ripe old smell of humans. You survive. Oh, you might have spent a million years evolving into clouds of gas and another million as downloads, but you always revert to the same basic shape. The fundamental human. End of the universe and here you are. Indomitable, that's the word. Indomitable!

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Martha Jones: Doctor, it's the Professor. He's got this watch, this fob watch that's the same as yours. Same writing, same everything.

The Doctor: [looking terrified] Don't be ridiculous.

Martha Jones: I asked him, he said he's had it his whole life.

Captain Jack Harkness: So, he's got the same watch.

Martha Jones: But it's not a watch, it's a thing, a chameleon thing.

The Doctor: No, no, no, it's this thing, this device, it re-writes biology. Changes a Time Lord into a human.

[Jack looks up]

Martha Jones: And it's the same watch!

The Doctor: [desperately] It can't be.

Captain Jack Harkness: That means he could be a Time Lord. You may not be the last one.

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The Doctor: You might be out there somewhere.

Captain Jack Harkness: I can go meet myself.

The Doctor: Well, the only man you're ever going to be happy with.

Captain Jack Harkness: This new regeneration, it's kinda cheeky.

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The Doctor: I can't help it. I'm a Time Lord. It's instinct; it's in my guts. You're a fixed point in time and space; you're a fact. That's never meant to happen. Even the TARDIS reacted against you, tried to shake you off. Flew all the way to the end of the universe just to get rid of you.

Captain Jack Harkness: So what you're saying is... you're prejudiced?

The Doctor: I never thought of it like that.

Captain Jack Harkness: Shame on you.

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Martha Jones: Do you mind if I ask? Do you have to start every sentence with 'Chan'?

Chantho: [honest] Chan, yes, tho.

Martha Jones: And end every sentence with...

Chantho: Chan, tho, tho.

Martha Jones: What would happen if you didn't?

Chantho: [sounds alarmed at the suggestion] Chan, that would be rude, tho!

Martha Jones: [looks around to check if anyone's listening; in an undertone] What, like swearing?

Chantho: [does the same things Martha did] Chan, indeed, tho.

Martha Jones: [in a soft voice] Go on, just once.

Chantho: [laughing, slightly embarrased] Chan, I can't, tho!

Martha Jones: [encouraging] Oh, do it for me.

Chantho: [with difficulty] No.

[Chantho laughs, so does Martha]

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Doctor: Prof. Yana, this new science is well beyond me. But all the same, a boost reversal circuit in any time frame must be a circuit which reverses the boost. So, I wonder, what would happen if I... did... this?

[uses sonic screwdriver on a cable, then pulls it apart. Sirens sound and lights flash in lab]

Chantho: Chan, it's working, tho!

Prof. Yana: But how did you do that?

Doctor: While we've been chatting away, I forgot to tell you: I'm brilliant.

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Captain Jack Harkness: Captain Jack Harkness. And who are you?

Martha Jones: [smiles] Martha Jones.

Captain Jack Harkness: [half smile, half laugh] Nice to meet you Martha Jones.

The Doctor: Oh, don't start!

Captain Jack Harkness: [defensively] I was only saying hello.

Martha Jones: I don't mind.

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The Doctor: It strikes me, Professor, that you've got a room that no one can enter without dying. Is that correct?

Prof. Yana: Yes.

The Doctor: Well...

[Jack comes back to life]

The Doctor: ...I think I've got just the man.

Captain Jack Harkness: Was someone kissing me?

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Martha Jones: You *grew* another hand.

The Doctor: [waves his hand at her] Hello again.

The Doctor: [Martha isn't convinced. The Doctor stands up] It's fine.

[the Doctor puts his hand out]

The Doctor: Look really it's me.

[Martha shakes his hand]

Martha Jones: All this time and you're still full of surprises!

[the Doctor smiles and winks at her]

Chantho: [giggling] Chan, you are most unusual, tho.

The Doctor: Well...

[the Doctor, Martha, and Chantho giggle]

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Captain Jack Harkness: So there I was, stranded in the year two-hundred-one-hundred, ankle deep in Dalek dust, he goes off without me. But I had this. I used to be a Time Agent, it's called a Vortex Manipulator. He's not the only one who can time travel...

The Doctor: Excuse me, that's not time travel. It's like, I've got a sports car, you've got a Space Hopper.

Martha Jones: Oh, boys and their toys.

Captain Jack Harkness: All right, so I bounced.

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Captain Jack Harkness: Captain Jack Harkness.

The Doctor: Stop it!

Captain Jack Harkness: Can't I say hello to anyone?

Chantho: Chan-I do not protest-tho.

Captain Jack Harkness: [winks] Maybe later, blue.

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Martha Jones: Think what the Face of Boe said - his dying words. He said...

The Face of Boe: You are not alone.

[the screen shows the word "YANA". The Doctor has a look of horror on his face]

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The Doctor: Cardiff!

Martha Jones: Cardiff?

The Doctor: Ah but, the thing about Cardiff - it's built on a rift in time and space - just like... California on the San Andreas Fault. But the rift bleeds energy. Every now and then I need to open up the engines, soak up the energy, and us it as fuel!

Martha Jones: So it's a pit stop!

The Doctor: Exactly. Should only take a few seconds. The rift's been active.

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Martha Jones: Wait a minute... they had an earthquake in Cardiff a couple of years ago, was that you?

The Doctor: Bit of trouble with the Slitheen. Long time ago. Lifetimes - I was a different man back then.

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[Jack prepares to enter a deadly radiation filled room]

The Doctor: Whoa, what are you taking your clothes off for?

Captain Jack Harkness: I'm goin' in!

The Doctor: By the looks of it, I'd say the Stet radiation doesn't affect clothes, only flesh.

Captain Jack Harkness: Well, I'll look good though.

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Martha: [lifting a Tank of water containing a hand out of Jack's bag and placing it on the tabetop] Oh, my, God! You've got a hand? A hand in a jar? A hand, in a jar, in your bag!

Doctor: Bu-tha-tha-that's *my* hand!

Jack: I said I had a Doctor Detector.

Chantho: Chan, is this a tradition amongst your people, tho?

Martha: Not on my street! What do you mean that's your hand? You've got both your hands! I can see them!

Doctor: Long story. I lost my hand, Christmas Day, in a sword fight.

[Flashback: The Sycorax Leader chops the Doctor's hand off]

Martha: What? And you... grew another hand?

Doctor: Um, yeah. I did, yeah.

[holds it up and waves it]

Doctor: Hello.

Professor Yana: [to the Doctor] Might I ask, what species are you?

Doctor: Time Lord. Last of. Heard of them? Legend or anything? Not even a myth? Blimey, the end of the Universe is a bit humbling.

Chantho: Chan, it is said that I am the last of my species too, tho.

Doctor: Sorry, what was your name?

Professor Yana: My assistant, and good friend Chantho. A survivor of the Malmooth, this was their planet Malcassairo, before we took refuge.

Doctor: The city outside, that was yours?

Chantho: Chan, the conglomeration died, tho.

Doctor: Conglomeration! That's what I said!

Jack: You're supposed to say, "sorry".

Doctor: Oh, yes.

[to Chantho]

Doctor: Sorry.

Chantho: Chan, most grateful, tho.

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Captain Jack Harkness: [to a refugee] Captain Jack Harkness. And who are you?

The Doctor: Stop it!

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Martha Jones: What killed it?

The Doctor: Time. Just time. Everything's dying now. All the great civilisations have gone. This isn't just night, all the stars have burnt out and faded away, to nothing.

Captain Jack Harkness: They must have an atmospheric shell. We should be frozen to death.

The Doctor: Well, Martha and I maybe. Not so sure about you Jack.

Martha Jones: But what about the people. Does no one survive?

The Doctor: I suppose... we have to hope. Life will find a way.

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The Doctor: But if the universe is falling apart then what does Utopia mean?

[Professor Yana appears, looking pleased, looks between The Doctor and Jack]

Professor Yana: [pointing to Jack] The Doctor?

The Doctor: That's me.

Professor Yana: Ah! Good!

[excitedly grabs the Doctor's hand a runs down the corridor with him in tow]

Professor Yana: GOOD! Good! Good! Good, good, good, good! Good! Good!

The Doctor: [looks back at Jack and Martha] It's "good" apparently.

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The Professor: Killed by an insect. A girl. How inappropriate. Still, if The Doctor can be young and strong, then so can I. The Master reborn!

[he begins to regenerate]

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The Doctor: That rocket's not going to fly, is it? This footprint mechanism thing. It's not working.

Professor Yana: We'll find a way.

The Doctor: You're stuck on this planet, and you haven't told them, have you? That lot out there, they still think they're going to fly.

Professor Yana: Well, it's better to let them live in hope.

The Doctor: Quite right too.

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Professor Yana: Time and time and time again, always running out on me.

Martha Jones: [looking at his watch nervously] Can I have a look at that?

Professor Yana: Oh, it's only an old relic. Like me.

Martha Jones: Where did you get it?

Professor Yana: I was found with it.

Martha Jones: What do you mean?

Professor Yana: An orphan in the storm. I was a naked child found on the coast of the Silver Devestation. Abandoned with only this.

Martha Jones: Have you ever opened it?

Professor Yana: Why would I? It's broken.

Martha Jones: How do you know it's broken if you've never opened it?

Professor Yana: It's stuck. It's old. It's not meant to be. I don't know.

[Martha turns the watch over. The same alien writing as the Doctor's is on it]

Professor Yana: [suspiciously] Does it matter?

Martha Jones: No... it's... nothing. Listen, everything's fine up here. I'm going to see if The Doctor needs me.

[runs out in a panic]

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Martha Jones: [about Jack] It's a bit odd though, not very hundred trillion. That coat looks more like World War two.

The Doctor: I think he came with us.

Martha Jones: How d'you mean? From Earth?

The Doctor: Must have been clinging to the outside of the TARDIS. All the way through the Vortex. Well, that's very him.

Martha Jones: What, do you know him?

The Doctor: Friend of mine. Used to travel with me. Back in the old days.

Martha Jones: But he's... I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat. There's nothing. He's dead.

[Jack suddenly wakes up gasping loudly, which causes Martha to scream; Jack grabs onto her as he tries to recover]

Martha Jones: Oh, so much for me.

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The Doctor: I'm a bit of a hermit really.

The Professor: A hermit with friends?

The Doctor: Mmm. Hermits United. We get together every 10 years and swap stories about caves. It's good fun. For a hermit.

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The Professor: Did you never think, all those years standing beside me, to ask about that watch? Never? Did you never once think - not ever - that you could set me free?

Chantho: Chan-I'm sorry-tho! Chan-I'm so sorry...

The Professor: And you, with your chan and your tho driving me insane!

Chantho: Chan-Professor, please!

The Professor: THAT IS NOT MY NAME! "The Professor" was an invention. So perfect a disguise that I forgot who I am.

Chantho: Chan-Then who are you-tho?

The Master: I am... the Master.

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Martha Jones: The Doctor sort of travels through time and space and picks us up. God, I make us sound like stray dogs. Maybe we are.

Professor Yana: He travels in time?

Martha Jones: Don't ask me to explain it. That's a TARDIS, that box thing. The sportscar of time travel he says.

[the word "TARDIS" echoes in Yana's head]

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Martha Jones: And you are?

Chantho: Chan-Chantho-Tho.

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[last lines]

The Master: End of the universe, have fun! Bye bye!

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Martha Jones: What do you think it's going to be like in Utopia?

Creet: My Mum used to say the sky was made of diamonds.

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Martha Jones: But isn't that brilliant?

The Doctor: It is, of course it is, but depends which one. Brilliant, fantastic, yeah. But they died, the Time Lords, all of them, they died!

Captain Jack Harkness: Not if he was human.

The Doctor: What did he say, Martha? WHAT DID HE SAY?

Martha Jones: [taken aback] He looked at the watch like he could hardly see it, like that perception filter thing...

The Doctor: And what about now? Can he see it now?

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The Doctor: We're accelerating into the future. The year one billion, five billion, five trillion, fifty trillion... What? The year one hundred trillion? That's impossible!

Martha Jones: Why? What happens then?

The Doctor: We're going to the end of the universe.

[Captain Jack Harkness is seen in the time vortex hanging onto the TARDIS]

Captain Jack Harkness: [shouts] Doctor!

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Professor Yana: It's just a headache. It's just this noise inside my head, Doctor. Constant noise inside my head.

The Doctor: What sort of noise?

Professor Yana: It's the sound of drums. More and more, as though it's getting closer.

The Doctor: When did it start?

Professor Yana: I've had it all my life, every waking hour. Still, no rest for the wicked.

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The Master: Now, then, Doctor! Oooh, new voice. Hello, hellooo, helllloooo! Anyway... why don't we sit down and have a nice little chat where I can tell you all my plans and you can work out a way to stop me, I don't think!

The Doctor: Please... please, I'm asking real properly, just stop! Just think!

The Master: Use my name.

The Doctor: Master... I'm sorry.

The Master: Tough!

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Professor Yana: The call came from across the stars, over and over again. 'Come to Utopia'. Originating from that point.

The Doctor: Where is that?

Professor Yana: Oh, it's far beyond the condensed wilderness, out towards the wildlands and the dark matter reefs, calling us in. The last of the humans scattered across the night.

The Doctor: What do you think's out there?

Professor Yana: We can't know. A colony? A city? Some sort of haven? The science foundation created the Utopia project thousands of years ago to preserve mankind, to find a way of surviving beyond the collapse of reality itself. Perhaps they found it. Perhaps not, but it's worth a look, don't you think?

The Doctor: Oh yes.

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[Yana glances at the surface scanner]

Professor Yana: Movement on the surface. Another "human hunt". God help him.

Chantho: Chan-should I alert the guards-tho?

Professor Yana: No, no, we can't spare them. Old beggar's on his own. One more lost soul... dreaming of Utopia.

Chantho: Chan-you mustn't talk as if you've given up-tho.

Professor Yana: No, no, indeed. Here's to it - Utopia.

[Yana sips his coffee, looking a little disgusted at the taste]

Professor Yana: Where it is to be hoped the coffee is a little less sour. Will you join me?

Chantho: Chan-I am happy drinking my own internal milk-tho.

Professor Yana: Yes, well... that's quite enough information, thank you.

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The Doctor: You've built this system out of food and string and staples. Professor Yana, you're a genius.

Prof. Yana: Says than man who made it work.

The Doctor: Aah, it's easy, coming in at the end. But you're stellar, this is, this is magnificent!

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The Doctor: Well, we've landed.

Martha Jones: So, what's out there?

The Doctor: I don't know.

Martha Jones: Ha, say that again, that's rare.

The Doctor: Not even the Time Lords came this far. We should leave. We should go. We should really, really... go...

[he grins, he and Martha run outside]

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[the Professor throws a switch, locking the Doctor and others out]

Chantho: Chan- But you've locked them in- Tho.

The Professor: Not to worry my dear. As one door closes another must open.

[he throws another, letting the Futurekind into the silo]

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Captain Jack Harkness: So what are those things outside? The Beastie boys, what are they?

Professor Yana: We call them the Futurekind. Which is a myth in itself. But it's feared they are what we will become unless we reach Utopia.

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The Doctor: Professor! Let me in! I'm begging you professor! Professor! Chantho are you there? Professor, whatever you do DON'T OPEN THAT WATCH!

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The Doctor: And Utopia is...?

Professor Yana: Oh, every human knows about Utopia! Where have you been?

The Doctor: Bit of a hermit.

Professor Yana: A hermit... with, uh, friends?

[points to Jack and Martha]

The Doctor: Hermits United. We meet up every ten years, swap stories about caves. It's good fun, for a hermit.

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[the Master has locked the Doctor, Martha and Jack out of the TARDIS and is about to leave in it]

The Master: End of the universe. Have fun. Bye-bye.

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The Professor's Watch: Destroy him! Then you will give your power to me.

Chantho: Chan-Yana, won't you please take some rest-Tho.

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The Professor's watch: The drums, the drums, the drums, the never-ending drumbeat. Open me, you human fool. Open the light and summon me, receive my majesty!

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Professor Yana: [weeping] It's time travel...! They say there was time travel, back in the old days... I never *believed!*... but what would I know... stupid old man... never could keep time... always late, always lost...

[pulls out fobwatch]

Professor Yana: Even this thing... never worked.

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Professor Yana: Even my title is an affectation. There hasn't been such a thing as a university for over a thousand years. I've spent my life going from one refugee ship to another.

The Doctor: If you'd been born in a different time, you'd be revered. I mean it. Throughout the galaxies.

Professor Yana: Oh, those damn galaxies. They had to go and collapse. Some admiration would have been nice. Just a little, just once.

The Doctor: Well, you have it now. That footprint engine thing, you can't activate it from onboard. It's got to be done from here. You're staying behind.

Professor Yana: With Chantho. She won't leave without me. She simply refuses.

The Doctor: You'd give your life so they could fly?

Professor Yana: Think I'm a little too old for Utopia. Time I had some sleep.

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[the Master removes the navigational co-ordinates from the compter]

The Master: [sarcastically] Utopia.

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The Doctor: Professor, it's a wild stab in the dark, but I just may have found you a way out.

[Yana looks at the TARDIS with a horrified look on his face]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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