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(TV Series)

(2007)

Quotes

[looking at a body]

Chris Skelton: I wonder what killed him?

Gene Hunt: That'll be the bloody enormous hole in his chest where the bullet went in!

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Gene: Now. Yesterday's shooting. The dealers are all so scared we're more likely to get Helen Keller to talk. The Paki in a coma's about as lively as Liberace's dick when he's looking at a naked woman, all in all this investigation's going at the speed of a spastic in a magnet factory.

Sam Tyler: [Sam Tyler, aghast, drops the radio he is holding]

Gene: What?

Sam Tyler: Think you might have missed out the Jews.

Gene: What?

Sam Tyler: I think we need to explore whether this attempted murder was a hate crime.

Gene: What as opposed to one of those I-really-really-like-you sort of murders?

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Sam Tyler: I still think we need to entertain the possibility that this could be a racial killing...

Gene: Oh, well let's entertain it, let's take it out for a prawn cooktail, a steak and a bottle of Liebfraumilch, then let's kick it into the gutter where it belongs!

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[speaking to a White Supremacist after he claims himself superior]

Sam Tyler: Superior? You're not superior to an amoeba with special needs.

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[looking at a body]

Annie Cartwright: Boss? There's a viscous yellow liquid in his ear.

Gene Hunt: No, that's a drip from my fried egg butty, love. Well done, Miss Marple. That's why we need women detectives.

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Sam Tyler: There's no history of drug dealing amongst the Gujerati Ugandan Asians.

Gene Hunt: Blahdy blahdy history bloody blah! It doesn't take a degree in Applied Bollocks to know what's going on.

Sam Tyler: Go on, then. Amaze me with your insubstantial guesswork.

Gene Hunt: He's come over here, started dealing and Rocket or one of the other local drug boys has took offence and offed him.

Sam Tyler: That's better that even *I* expected. Copper leaps to a conclusion then finds the evidence to fit.

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[Sam wonders whether the National Front planted drugs on the victim to make it look like a drug-related crime]

Gene Hunt: The NF are far too stupid for that. They could stick a shotgun up my arse and pull the trigger - they'd still miss!

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[Toolbox Terry is questioning Rocket about drug dealers. His sidekick Big Bird is holding a large sack]

Toolbox Terry: So Rocket, what's going on.

Rocket: My business involves the sacred bond of trust. Geezer, I can't. I would rather have rabid ferrets munch on my testicles.

Toolbox Terry: You always say that, don't you, Rocket.

[Toolbox Terry nods at Big Bird who begins to pull something out of the sack]

Rocket: [gulping] What's in the sack?

[Big Bird reveals a ferret]

Big Bird: Not rabid, boss, but they are *very* annoyed.

[Toolbox Terry pulls down Rocket's Y-fronts. Big Bird takes a look]

Big Bird: Poor ferrets. Not going to be getting much of a lunch.

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Sam Tyler: Because I loved her!

Gene: You great... soft... sissy... girlie... nancy... French... bender... Man United supporting POOF!

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Gene: You've got fingers in more pies than a leper on a cookery course.

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Gene: Look at her, she's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.

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Gene: You said he was dead!

Ray Carling: Well, he wasn't moving.

Gene: Chris doesn't move, but he's not dead!

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Sam Tyler: Starsky and Hutch have a lot to answer for.

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Sam Tyler: I think she's telling the truth.

Gene: I think she's as fake as a tranny's fanny.

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Gene: Drugs, eh? What's the point. They make you forget, make you talk funny, make you see things that aren't there. My old grandma got all of that for free when she had a stroke.

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[interviewing Layla at the station]

Layla: About 8:30, straight after I left Sam's flat, he was still alive.

Gene: Straight after you left Sam's flat?

Sam Tyler: She needed protection.

Gene: Well, I hope you used some!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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