Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
It Never Rains in Hooterville (2007)
Jon Cryer: Alan Harper
Photos
Quotes
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Jake Harper : So, when are you gonna be on TV?
Kandi : I have to pass the audition first. Let's not put the cart before the whores.
Alan Harper : Horse.
Kandi : [clears throat] Maybe a little. I've been rehearsing all day.
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Alan Harper : [Charlie is mocking Alan for wanting to go camping with Jake] My life is just one big joke to you, isn't it?
Charlie Harper : Actually, it's more of a limerick: 'There once was a moron named Al / Who wanted to camp with his pal'. Any chance you can go camping in Nantucket?
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Alan Harper : [Alan is worried that Jake might be losing interest in him as a father] I can't help but feel a little empty inside, like, like a chapter of my life is over.
Charlie Harper : So, you've still got plenty to look forward to.
Alan Harper : Y'mean besides work, loneliness and death?
Charlie Harper : Absolutely. There's memory loss, impotence, adult diapers...
Charlie Harper : [Charlie grins as Alan glares at him] I'm all you've got, pal.