Dawn French: Geraldine Granger

Quotes 

• Geraldine Kennedy : Right, rule-change day. My rules now. Rule 1: I will be doing all of the cooking, which will be mainly cakes and stuff. Good, and Rule 2: you will be doing all the tidying, cleaning up and the washing.

  Sting : Right, that's...

  Geraldine Kennedy : Sorry, I haven't finished. In the nude.

  Sting : Really?

  Geraldine Kennedy : Yep. Them's the rules Babycakes.

• Geraldine Kennedy : So there's no way on God's Earth that I will be taking part in Celebrity Non-entity Wife-Swap. Thank you. As I believe King Lear said, "Never never, never, never, never". By the way, who was the celebrity?

  David Horton : Oh, you'd be living with Sting for a week.

  [pause] 

  Geraldine Kennedy : [Feigning reluctance]  Oh alright then, if I must.

• Geraldine Kennedy : Can I just ask why is Jim completely naked?

  Jim Trott : No no no no I'm having one of those dreams where you think you're naked in public. Then you wake up and find you're in bed.

  Geraldine Kennedy : Except this isn't a dream, is it, Jim?

  Jim Trott : [Jim looks around]  No?

  Geraldine Kennedy : No, it isn't. So would you like to go home and get dressed?

  Jim Trott : No no not really. I'm here now.