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Machete More at IMDbPro »

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

Just Awful.

1/10
Author: buckeyebred
23 June 2016

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I mean if you want to see a movie that makes a white Senator who wants to keep illegals outs of America (which is not a bad thing) out to be a killer and racist scumbag then you will like this movie. It has horrible acting and a pathetic script to go along with an overall completely butt backwards reality on a real major problem in America. Just another low end political agenda push for someone who wants free things, doesn't speak English and doesn't pay taxes but wants citizenship. Danny Trejo is a classic bad actor in cheesy movies. I'm not against him in certain movies like Halloween he did a good job. But as for Jessica Alba she is worse than ever. She just still can't act at all. De Niro is the only credible actor in the whole movie and of course is depicted as the scumbag inwhich he plays the role well. I just can't believe that people would actually claim this to be a good movie. And to give an excuse saying its this way because of the genre does not make crap not crap. Final verdict $1 Walmart movie

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

total tripe

1/10
Author: karlwbrown from london
4 October 2015

this is awful, Steven Segal's accent as a Mexican is just about as bad as it gets. the plot is contrived and obvious and Robert De Niro looks embarrassed to be in this junk. some of the fight scenes are unbelievable facile and make everyone out to be stupid beyond stupid the two female leads are somehow meant to be on opposite sides but when confronting each other quickly become united in their common purpose. Machete is the most unreal character , so many actors caught up in this pile of junk. The appearance of the rabid Don Johnson caps off the movie followed by a manic Cheech Marin as the manic priest is the cherry on the cake. please don't waste 90 minutes of your life on this junk

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

Trejo Leads!

6/10
Author: Python Hyena from Canada
14 September 2015

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Machete (2010): Dir: Robert Rodriguez, Ethan Maniquis / Cast: Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez: The title not only stands for the anti-hero but also his nature. After witnessing his family murdered at the hands of Torres, Machete attempts to start over until he is offered a large sum of money to assassinate Senator McLaughlin. He accepts the job but is double crossed and left for dead. Directed by Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis as a film version of the mock trailer presented in the Grindhouse double features. Danny Trejo is playing his first lead as Machete. He is out to clear his name, seek vengeance and solve a plot regarding immigration. Jessica Alba plays a cop trying to work her way up. She will see Machete as innocent especially after he saves her ass. Robert De Niro plays the corrupt Senator ranting about immigration rights. The role is somewhat comical especially given where McLaughlin ends up. He proves not to be trusted but his methods come back with fatal consequences. Steven Seagal starts out well as Torres before becoming a waste for a blade fight. Torres committed murder and a betrayal towards Machete but the rest of the film has his mug speaking from a monitor until they meet for a disappointing saber fight. Michelle Rodriguez plays a pointless character who loses an eye and eventually dons the snake Plisskin look as well as the attitude. While some may point out the immigration theme, this film clearly has a different agenda. It is well made technically but it contains graphic violence that drives the title full force. Score: 6 ½ / 10

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

Border patrol

6/10
Author: Prismark10 from United Kingdom
4 September 2015

Spun off from a fake trailer in Grindhouse. Danny Trejo is Machete, a former law enforcement agent but now an illegal immigrant and a vagrant in Texas some years after a drug lord Torrez (Steven Seagal) killed his family.

A businessman named Booth (Jeff Fahey) offers Machete a large sum of money to assassinate staunch Anti Immigration Senator John McLaughlin (Robert De Niro) but its all a set up.

Don Johnson is a corrupt racist cop who kills illegal immigrants and Jessica Alba plays an Immigration agent who helps out Machete.

Robert Rodriguez has made a glossy B movie satire with a few star names, some political digs on immigration issues and hypocritical anti migration politicians and police.

Its still down and dirty like its fake trailer. Machete is lethal with the blade, there are some over the top gruesome and funny scenes and he even finds time to be a ladies man.

An enjoyable if silly film, some of the actors like Johnson, Fahey and De Niro are having a hoot playing despicable villains. Steven Seagal is out of his element among such company as the main bad guy. He is just too fat and out of shape.

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

More puking and decapitating than I've seen in a long time! Just turn off your brain and enjoy.

3/10
Author: planktonrules from Bradenton, Florida
17 June 2015

"Machete" is not a good film...nor does it even try to be. It's a film with insanely cartoon-like violence, it's extremely sexist, ridiculously one- dimensional characters and a main character that makes Rambo look like Gandhi!! It clearly is a guilty pleasure...but for the right person, it's a lot of fun. Sick, disgusting and creepy fun...but fun nevertheless.

I should first point out that I saw this movie on the FX channel. While these folks have practically no standards whatsoever based on what they generally show, I also believe that they must have trimmed the film in order to show it. Any sex was likely excised...though the violence sure seemed to all be there! Yep...heads were flying right and left, guys were vomiting in close-ups, folks were getting stabbed in the eye with stiletto heels and they went through more blood to make this film than the entire Battle of the Bulge--all on FX! So, if it WAS edited, I would have to see what they found as too offensive!!

Danny Trejo plays Machete--an ex-Mexican police officer who was left for dead by a soft-speaking Dracula-like baddie (Steven Seagal). Why leave your worst enemy and killing machine like Machete alive once you've captured him--especially after he slaughtered most of your evil minions? Well, how else can Machete star in the film considering that this is all in the first few minutes of the movie!!

Years pass. There is an evil senator (Robert De Niro) who is on a campaign to kill illegal Mexican aliens. And, there is the drug lord (Seagal). How and why do they and their lackeys somehow work together and how does Machete figure into all this? And, how does a hottie US government agent who wears stiletto heels (Jessica Alba) get teamed up with Machete? See the film if you are curious.

The bottom line is that practically none of the plot makes any sense, the characters are pretty stupid and one-dimensional and the film seems like just an excuse to allow one atrocity after another to be put on the screen. But despite its dumbness, it's also funny- -in a sick, violent sort of way. You cannot help but laugh at its excess and Trejo's performance is fun as well--even though NO ONE is so tough that they can take on groups of armed gunmen again and again armed only with a machete!! Ridiculous...but clearly a film that never takes itself seriously in the least. It never tries to be much other than a guilty pleasure.

By the way, the film has a zillion surprising appearances by actors who you wouldn't expect in such an exploitation picture--such as De Niro, Don Johnson and many others. As for Lindsey Lohan...she is one you'd expect to see in such a film. My daughter summed it up well by saying "it has so many cameos that it's like a Muppet movie...but with a lot more killing!". Couldn't have summed it up much better myself! I would have just said it was stylish and stupid--and the last 10 minutes of the film perhaps the stoopidest in film history!!

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

Muy Malo

3/10
Author: RbDeraj from United States
6 March 2015

While I enjoyed the fake trailer in Grindhouse and looked forward to the full length film, this turned out to be a real disappointment. It started out well, but after the title sequence quickly went downhill. The storyline wasn't very good and the liberal criticism of conservative views on immigration (while its purpose was humor) was just was too much. They were just beating the dead horse after a while. I didn't expect the acting to be top notch especially from some like Lindsay Lohan or Jessica Alba, but it was even worse than I imagined even from Robert De Niro. As highly esteemed as he is I can't see why he chose to be in a film like this. The effects weren't good even if you enjoy and wanted to see over-the-top gore and violence which is some of the draw towards this movie in a dark sinister type of way. The action just seemed stupid after a while and towards the end I was just waiting for the film to be over. Que horrible y decepcionante!

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

How in Hell Did They Get De Niro for This Pile of Crap?

3/10
Author: Sam_Youno from Ontario, Canada
5 December 2014

I love a good bloodfest as much as anyone, and in films where stage blood accounts for 50% of the production budget, I'm not really particular about plots. (Actually, the plot here is halfway decent.) So far, so good. But the script is boring, clichéd and predictable, and the acting---the main reason for my 3 rating---is just plain dreadful. Danny Trejo is okay, because he doesn't have more than three or four sentences in the whole film, and it's fun to see an action hero who's shorter than I am. But every time one of the other characters opened his or her mouth, I cringed, hoping that he or she would be immediately decapitated---a wish that was fulfilled surprisingly often.

And then there's Robert De Niro, playing a scheming, anti-immigration Senator with a Texas accent as deep as the Rio Grande. Oh, Robert, Robert, Robert: Did you really need the money that much? In any event, De Niro is fine, as always, and almost makes "Machete" watchable. Almost. 3 out of 10.

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

Pretty lame

4/10
Author: grantss from Sydney, Australia
21 November 2014

Pretty lame. Initially you tolerate the lack of polish and plot holes because there is a style about the movie that covers over those cracks. But as the movie goes on, the plot holes get bigger, the movie gets more contrived and stupid. By the end it resembles a z-grade 70s movie.

Good casting and performances though. Danny Trejo got top billing and the kudos for his performance, but Michelle Rodriguez steals the show. She's beautiful, and kicks ass.

The remaining cast are a Hollywood Who's Who: Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Cheech Marin, Steven Seagal, Don Johnson, Jeff Fahey, Lindsay Lohan. Seagal and Johnson were inspired choices - for once, Seagal plays the bad guy, and Don Johnson is hardly on anybody's radar for roles nowadays, yet gives a good performance.

Robert Rodriguez can do a lot better than this, as Sin City would indicate.

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

A cheesy take on a Tarantino copy on Mexicans

5/10
Author: Johan Dondokambey from Indonesia
15 September 2014

The movie is just another common action plot of the anti-hero being blackmailed to do a bad thing, that turns out to be a set up for him, so he has to struggle his way from scratch at last getting the men responsible and clearing his name. The kind of cheesy thing about this movie is that it looks as though it aspires to be some kind of a Quentin Tarantino movie with all those quirks and crazy images. Yet it falls so lacking, both in being an action movie, or being a Tarantino copy. Danny Trejo's all time expressionless face doesn't help the character in focus at all. Nor does his being so slow on those scenes just right before the stunts. You can see the gaping difference in movement on where it's Trejo, and where it's the stuntman. The presence of many big names such as Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Robert De Niro, and Steven Segal, helps just quite a bit in making this movie enjoyable.

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0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

Machete

5/10
Author: Phil Hubbs from UK
29 July 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

The film famously spawned from one of the fake parody trailers that was seen in the Tarantino and Rodriguez movie 'Grindhouse'. Personally I'm still up for the movie of 'Werewolf Women of the SS' which looked much better, you never know, they've done a movie for all the others I believe. As I'm sure you're all aware this film has been deliberately shot in that old grungy 70's B-movie exploitation style which continues from its trailer parody roots.

The films visuals are purposely scratchy faded marked and at times slightly glitchy to match those of the heyday of grindhouse/exploitation crapola. Now myself I don't really like this era of film and the way it looked, the films beginning credits sequence being a brightly coloured badly composed montage of film stills accompanied by some seriously retro text font and cheesy action music. The whole thing reminded me of my childhood days and those hammy American cop shows like 'Chips' or 'Starsky and Hutch' (take your pick from many). Of course this film is much much more hokey than those shows and is influenced by films before my time but I still shudder at the thought of it, I do remember some darn hokey stuff I can tell you (1977 Spider-Man movie).

So being a crummy sleazy grindhouse action flick you can guess the plot isn't gonna tax your brain. Well you would think that but its actually quite relatable to current affairs both in the UK, Europe and the US. I refer to the various immigration issues flying about these days which has grown stronger over the last few years, especially right now in the US where there are US citizens actively protesting in Texas against immigrants coming in from Central America. Obviously I'm not suggesting that any of the corruption, wall building and assassination attempts seen in the film are happening but the the films basic plot is eerily familiar.

As for the film its exactly what you'd expect and more of what we saw in the parody trailer. Danny Trejo has a big machete and various guns, his mission is to get revenge on the corrupt suit that set him up on an assassination attempt against a corrupt Senator who is tough on immigration. The reason being they want it to look like an illegal Mexican tried to kill the Senator for his tough stance on immigration, thusly giving their cause a boost with the public and the excuse to build a big wall across the Texan border.

Along the way Machete meets up with a few characters that help him. Cheech Marin is a Padre with a mean trigger finger, Michelle Rodriguez (who is cast in the same role every time) plays the tough Latino bitch who also has a mean trigger finger, Alba is a US Customs and Immigration officer with a mean trigger finger and Lindsay Lohan pops up too...with a mean trigger finger. On the baddie side is Savini as a hit-man with a mean trigger finger, Don Johnson as a sadistic redneck vigilante border patrol leader and of course Seagal as the big boss who is a dab hand with a katana.

Honesty the plot is highly convoluted (I've confused myself writing this!) and only serves to stuff as many big names in as possible, its like a Mexican/Latino Expendables. I can't really moan about that though as you know right from the outset the film is purposely ludicrous and outrageous. The same can obviously be said for all the action and violence, I found that it gets more absurd as the film gets towards the finale. At first it felt quite gritty and semi realistic to a degree, you know its a parody but you can run with it. But towards the end everything gets way out of hand with awful looking CGI action, explosions and blood everywhere, terrible death acting by the extras, crazy situations, Michelle Rodriguez getting shot in the eye and surviving and the hokiest death scene ever by Seagal. Honesty it actually looked like a something from a blooper reel! funny but..really?

There are some clever moments of parody admittedly. I liked the baddie henchmen who discuss their jobs and what they think of their boss, the fact that one of them is starting to think that the boss is actually a bad guy and whether they are in the right line of work. Plus the fact they actually have injuries from the last fight they had with Machete, they chat about them, then in the end two of them quit before getting killed, finally realising its not worth it.

Its very hard to review really as I know its all deliberate, its been made to look bad and cheesy, hokey acting and silly 'A-Team-esque' scenarios. On one hand I can kinda deal with that but on the other...its just sh*t! and it gets worse as the film progresses. Its a shame as the film is fun and more of an adult action flick for the most part with blood guts and tits on display. Unfortunately your suspension of disbelief is crushed towards the end, it goes beyond a mockery and morphs into a childish James Bond type of picture. I did quite like the final end credits and voice that announces Machete will return in 'Machete Kills' and 'Machete Kills Again'...nicely retro, nicely done.

5.5/10

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