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Machete More at IMDbPro »

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116 out of 217 people found the following review useful:

Mr. Rodriguez, you owe me $8.00.

2/10
Author: leantom-2 from New Jersey, United States
4 September 2010

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

There are a number of great Mexploitation films. "El Mariachi," "Desperado" and "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" all come to mind. Not only were those films action-packed and entertaining, but they contained good plots which one could follow without losing interest.

Then, there's "Machete."

I'll keep things honest, seeing as (apparently) the only submitted reviews were done by film crew members.

The movie starts out well. In the first scene, Machete (and his partner, who dies almost immediately) storms into a drug cartel, wreaking havoc against armed goons with nothing but his (get ready) machete. He kills about a dozen people, rescuing a naked female hostage in the process. However, as they're leaving the cartel hideout, she betrays Machete to the cartel's leader, a man named Torrez (played by Steven Seagal). Machete being subdued, Torrez tortures Machete but decides not to kill him. Instead, he kills Machete's wife and child and leaves Machete alive so that he can suffer for the rest of his life.

Yes, it's simple, but the movie actually looked quite good up until this point. Then, the nightmare began.

Rather than construct a decent story and continue with the main plot (i.e., a man with nothing to lose trying to avenge the deaths of his wife and child), the movie veers off into a tirade of politicizations and hate-mongering. It portrays white conservatives (get ready for some originality) as racist red-necks who are hell-bent on killing Mexicans for sheer enjoyment. It even shows a U.S. Senator (played by Robert De Niro) killing a pregnant illegal alien and her spouse, saying afterward, "My supporters would love this" (paraphrase).

(Yes, Hollywood, people are not against illegal immigration because it destroys the Rule of Law, hurts the economy, increases unemployment, increases violent crime, puts financial burdens on tax-payers, etc. - it's because they hate Hispanics).

Before continuing, I just want to mention that the writer of this review is the product of a Hispanic father. OK, here we go.

As already mentioned, after the opening sequence, the movie becomes overtly political. The aforementioned senator (played by De Niro) is seen campaigning for re-election, his main political platform being the construction of a border-fence designed to keep out illegal aliens (the horror!). However, many people in power are against this, and they hire Machete (now a day-laborer) to assassinate the senator. Of course, as indicated by the coming attractions, Machete is betrayed by the very people who hire him, and it is revealed that they are, in fact, working for the very cartel leader who killed Machete's family (what a startling coincidence!). It turns out that Machete was only hired to arouse public sympathy for the senator and increase the public's demand for a border fence (which Torrez, the cartel leader who killed Machete's family, wants, given that then he can control the drug trade between the Mexican-U.S. border).

The story gets very boring, with immigration politics ascending into the forefront. The action slows down to a grinding halt, and the story devolves into simple political platitudes (check out Jessica Alba's call for a race-war near the end of the movie, demanding that illegal immigrants incite violence in order to acquire citizenship).

In conclusion, this movie sucks. Mr. Rodriguez, I want my money back.

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19 out of 25 people found the following review useful:

Humor and violence - Grindhouse style

7/10
Author: guiltron from Australia
13 December 2010

Machete is Robert Rodriguez's film based on his mock trailer made for the double grindhouse release of Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof and his own Planet Terror. B-Grade superstar Danny Trejo stars as the title character. Those that have seen the mock trailer, or the grindhouse films, know the style of yester-year that Machete is representing. Cheap, nasty, and funny is the order of the day for this kind of film. Rodriguez clearly knows his genre and audience. He goes all out with this over-the-top action flick. The story is, of course, ridiculous. Machete is betrayed by some "above the law" dudes and has to get revenge by slicing and dicing whoever gets in his way. The film does what it says on the cover. Don't go in expecting a glimmer of subtlety or characterization. Go in expecting action, titties, action, blood, titties, oh and action. This would be all well and good except for some slight problems. The unashamedly preachy messages against the Mexican/United States border does get a bit tiring, as does the repetitive nature of the violence (after some interesting action set- pieces they all become similar, except towards the end). Also, this kind of film needs to be much snappier and shorter. It's around twenty minutes too long so that the humor and overall style tends to drag on a bit. Machete holds it's tongue permanently in cheek and Danny Trejo milks every scene as much as he possibly can. Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez and Lindsay Lohan all make for good eye candy and there are some very funny moments. All in all, this exercise in grindhouse excess should keep the fans of this style very happy, even if it can slightly bore others.

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28 out of 46 people found the following review useful:

THE FILM of Danny Trejo

8/10
Author: Claudio Carvalho from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
9 April 2011

In Mexico, the determinate federal agent Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo) opposes to the order of his chief and drives with his partner to the hideout of the drug lord Rogelio Torrez (Steven Seagal) to rescue an abducted woman (Mayra Leal) that is witness against the gangster. However, he finds the witness naked on the bed but he is surprisingly betrayed by her, and his wife and daughter are murdered by Torrez.

Three years later, Machete is an illegal immigrant in Texas that wanders on the streets seeking job in the Day Labor Site. He is hired by Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey) to assassinate the boasting right-winged Senator John McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), who is against the immigrants and defends the construction of an electrified fence along the border with Mexico. Machete receives one hundred and fifty thousand dollars for the assignment, but he gives the money to Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), a Mexican woman that sells taco in her truck and manages the underground Network that assists illegal Mexicans and helped Machete three years ago.

When Machete is ready as a sniper in a tower, he finds that he has been betrayed and set up by Booth, who actually is McLaughlin's adviser and plotted the scheme to improve the statistics with the sympathy of the electors to McLaughlin. Once again Machete survives and discovers that Booth supports the vigilantes led by the cruel Von Jackson (Don Johnson) and is associated to Torrez. Now Machete seeks revenge against his enemies and becomes a myth.

"Machete" is a funny action movie and THE FILM of Danny Trejo that perfectly fits to the anti-hero. The story follows the style of B- movies, with exploitation and ultra-violence, but has a cast that is a constellation of stars. There are memorable lines (my favorite is when the priest says "God has mercy, I don't") and details, like the name of the garage (Machete's Chop Shop). I have just watched this film on DVD, and the deleted scenes shows many details of the story that unfortunately have been deleted in the edition, like the twin sister of Sartana Rivera "Sis", or Rose McGowan as the assassin "Boots McCoy". My vote is eight.

Title (Brazil): "Machete"

Note: On 22 September 2015, I saw this film again.

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44 out of 78 people found the following review useful:

Over the top brilliance

10/10
Author: Liam Greenfield from United Kingdom
11 March 2011

Machete is one of those films that you know what to expect before you go in. It is understood that this is an exploitation flick, which will have excessive violence, sex and nudity. What pleased me most about this film, that as well as that (which should be minimal expectation before going in), it has a well told cohesive story and some real power house acting. I am a big fan of Rodriguez's earlier film, 'Desperado,' and Machete is similar to that; except where Desperado took itself seriously, this film has its tongue firmly in cheek and from this you get a lot of the humour - and it works. From start, all the way through to the finish, there is something happening that keeps you glued to the screen. Perfect to watch in a group, especially if some of them have a low attention span. Limits have been pushed and I love it. It is not excessive violence for random excessive violence sake; it's been thought about and works extremely well in regard to the story and tone of the film. I would describe 'Planet Terror' as a practice for what Rodriguez wanted that didn't quite deliver and Machete as the masterpiece - that delivers on all cylinders. I cannot recommend this film enough as a riotous laugh out loud, violent and engaging experience.

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73 out of 136 people found the following review useful:

Go watch Grindhouse or Desperado again

5/10
Author: Ivar mr. from Estonia
6 September 2010

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I' try to keep it short and to the point. The action scenes were boring and the only thing that made this movie watchable was the star cast and some one-liner jokes. Don't get me wrong, I thought there were some good scenes in this movie but not enough to make a full length motion picture worthwhile. I suggest you (re)watch Grindhouse and Desperado instead of this mess of poor gore action and politics.

PS! Why does Machete have 6 throwing knives and a bunch of machetes under his coat when he only uses the one in his hand?! Also Segal has gained enough weight to not be suitable for any action apparently so all scenes that required any movement at all were filmed with a double from behind and the 1 minute end fight was really boring. So my question is why give him any martial arts scenes to begin with?

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26 out of 43 people found the following review useful:

Not as good as the trailer in Grindhouse

5/10
Author: MBunge from Waterloo, Iowa
7 September 2010

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Machete contains a heaping dose of bloody violence, a moderate amount of nudity and waaaaaay too much sledgehammer moralizing on the issue of illegal immigration. It has some trashy thrills but becomes too bloated and blurred by Robert Rodriguez' inability to decide if he's making a modern version of the 70s exploitation flick, an homage to 70s exploitation flicks or a parody of the 70s exploitation flick.

Machete (Danny Trejo) is a legendary and legendarily violent Mexican cop who tried to take down a drug lord named Torrez (Steven Seagal) and lost. His family slain, Machete is exiled to America and spends the next three years as an illegal immigrant day laborer. Then one day, he's hired by a man called Booth (Jeff Fahey) to assassinate a virulently anti-immigrant Texas State Senator (Robert De Niro). It turns out that Machete is just a patsy in a bigger and much more elaborate plot and, with the help of Immigration Agent Sartana (Jessica Alba), illegal immigrant underground leader Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) and his brother the priest (Cheech Marin), the squat and wattled Mexican juggernaut sets out to settle scores both old and new.

This film has a lot of people getting brutally killed and several attractive women getting naked. Combine that with a bluntly effective performance by Danny Trejo and you've got the basic ingredients for some low brow fun. Unfortunately, Rodriguez does a very poor job in mixing them together. You can ignore that for a while, but it eventually leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

To start with, there's just too much of everything in this movie. In addition to loads of cannon fodder, it has 4 major bad guys and three sub-level bad guys. In Star Wars terminology, that's 4 Darth Vaders and 3 Boba Fetts. Yet with all of those villains running around, Machete only manages to sort of kill one of them. In addition, one of those bad guys doesn't get just one ironic comeuppance, he gets 4 ironic comeuppances and they all happen in the last 15 minutes of the film. No, I'm not exaggerating for effect. And Machete doesn't just have one badass chick on his side, he's got 3. Too much of this movie is like an old school pro wrestling battle royal, with 20 guys in the ring at once all trying to throw each other over the top rope. It sounds neat in theory but in reality, it's just an undifferentiated mass of humanity flailing away at each other.

It also doesn't help that this film has a very schizophrenic tone. At times, it's played fairly seriously as though Machete were supposed to be a straight forward action flick. Then there are moments that are much more tongue in cheek, winking at the audience to let them in on the joke. But then the movie sometimes goes so over-the-top that it can't be seen as anything more than parody. In Schwarzenegger terms, it's like combining Eraser with Kindergarten Cop and then blending that with The Last Action Hero.

Lindsay Lohan is in Machete and she looks…well, just horrible. If you've ever wondered how accurate the tabloid stories are about Lohan's life, one look at her here will resolve all doubts. It's not only that she gives probably the worst performance in the whole cast. It's also that she appears far more haggard and world weary than the actress who plays her mother. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" has never been more appropriate than to describe Lohan in this motion picture.

There are some good bits to Machete but after an explosive start, it loses its zest in too many mood swings and gets weighed down by too many complications. This film began as a fake trailer in Rodriguez and Tarantino's Grindhouse and that's as far as it probably should have gotten. It's not horrible, but it's definitely not anything you need to pay theater prices to see.

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89 out of 171 people found the following review useful:

Captain Planet meets a Junior High diary

3/10
Author: Steve from United States
4 September 2010

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Interesting to see all the boilerplate 8-10 ratings before the film came out. Typical WhollyOdd: front-loading IMDb with praise to raise a film's rating and coax people to see it.

This is one of those films that combines a half-baked political message with a thin pretense of story so that the filmmakers can bask in the glow of their supporters' praise while claiming "it's just a movie" when opponents point out the glaring falsehoods, rationalizations, dropped contexts and hyperbole. Gutless and petulant, it reminded me of Captain Planet, in which evil men set out to destroy for destruction's sake with no perceptible gain for their actions.

On the other hand, the script had to have been adapted from the diary of an 11-year-old girl throwing a tantrum because she didn't make the cheerleading squad, so petty and self-pitying as it is.

In a nutshell: ALL opposition to illegal immigration is based solely--that's right, there are NO other reasons--on sourceless hatred of Mexicans. That's it. The complex and far-reaching ethical issues, financial realities, social architecture, et. al. are reduced to "they don't like me!" Nothing about legitimate support for legal immigration, nobody claiming anchor babies, ZERO about the restrictive and racist policies of Mexican immigration... nada. Again, it's like an overlong and hyper-violent episode of Captain Planet written by a rejected tweenager.

The synopsis is something about a betrayed cop, but that's not the real story. Not that it matters, but the "plot" is a plan to restrict access to the US by electrified border fence which enjoys support from universally racist Texas citizens. But it's designed with strategically placed access points so the personal aide of a politician who opposes illegal immigration can get drug mules through. This would be pertinent if it weren't lost in the cloying miasma of race pimping.

Said politician makes campaign commercials and speeches straight out of the Leni Riefenstahl handbook, directly comparing Mexicans to roaches and maggots, repeatedly referring to them as terrorists (personally, I **don't know a single human being** who would remain in a room with, much less support, such a piece of crap). Happily, he magically realizes the error of his ways in a last-minute transition to Mexican identity (via poncho and hat, wouldn't it be great if that's all it took to change nationalities?) before he's gunned down by his daughter, and later by the very rednecks he's been aiding--who don't recognize his face in bright, revealing floodlight. Thus completes the adolescent fantasy of revenge, humiliation, capitulation, forgiveness--but he's still murdered by his own kind.

In the film, Mexicans are victims: virtuous, beloved of family, and utterly blameless across the board. They have no significant faults, but are incessantly harassed for existing.The biggest obstacle to their integration as productive members of society is the United States' refusal to treat them like human beings. At worst, a priest carries guns and kills, but only in self-defense before he's tortured and murdered, nailed to a cross for protecting his people against the evil whites. Plenty of symbolism there.

Whites are--let's see if I can remember it all--illiterate, uneducated, prone to vomiting at the sight of blood, hypocrites, sacrilegious, happy to shoot pregnant women and teenage boys in cold blood for a snuff video, unable to accept differences of opinion within their own communities, confused about their own beliefs, in the mood for sex with their own strung-out daughters (both mom *and* dad, no less), happy to torture and kill inside a church, and apparently the true benefactors of Mexican drug cartels.

Blacks and Asians happily serve whites to the detriment of their fellow minorities. Because they dislike Mexicans, too. Admittedly, that's the part that's NOT Captain Planet.

On the other hand, Michelle Rodriguez looks great with her pants almost falling off, even as she slaughters those other-than-la-raza.

And there will be sequels!

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18 out of 30 people found the following review useful:

He's Machete

10/10
Author: reneweddan from United States
13 October 2010

When I heard they were making this film, I found it to be a bit ridiculous. If it weren't for the positive reviews, I wouldn't have watched it, hence why I should do this film a favor and write a review to persuade others to give it a chance.

If any of the actors on the cast list intrigue you, you'll love this film, particularly Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez. Steven Seagal and Lohan do have roles, but they aren't significant and they are well done.

Enjoy this film for what it is, it shouldn't really be classified as a comedy though. It's a great film through and through, highly enjoyable from start to finish.

The thing I enjoyed most about this film is that there aren't many American films centered around Mexico just for the hell of it, but this one is and it delivers! Great film, great acting, and Michelle Rodriguez and Jessica Alba are gorgeous!

Although some might dislike the style of the film, if you enjoyed From Dusk 'Till Dawn, Grindhouse (Plant Terror, Death Proof), and violence from Sin City, you'll enjoy this film. -Robert Rodriguez style to sum it up-

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21 out of 36 people found the following review useful:

Every Now And Again.......

2/10
Author: Greywolf907 from United Kingdom
24 September 2010

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

...a film comes along that raises questions that just need addressing and demand answers. Machete is one such film. With a plot loosely, and I use that word guardedly, based around the steady influx of illegal immigration oozing into Texas from Mexico and their impact on the States economy you would perhaps be forgiven for thinking that the questions raised would demand some serious chin stroking about the relative merits of economic migrants. However, none of those questions even poke their metaphoric head above the parapet and instead we need to ask 'why did a player like Robert De Niro end up in this garbage?' 'Why was it made?''Who watches and rates this sort of stuff so highly' and finally a big fat 'WHY?'

Steven Segal, who has not made a decent movie since 'Nico' and has since appeared in the same dreadfully dreary film countless times as an 'ex cook/soldier/sailor who suddenly finds himself in the middle of a terrorist action and single handedly hams his way through until the mind numbingly dull finale....manages to stumble his now portly self through this claptrap while managing to keep his perfectly black hairpiece in place (grow old gracefully Steve)adding nothing to the 'plot' whatsoever.

The dialogue throughout is appallingly bad and seems to have been written by a retarded schoolboy and his mates who think that 'grown ups' talk like that....it's dire...all of it.

The action sequences consist of some old bloke with a bad mullet and a big moustache hacking various rubber appendages off of extras in poorly choreographed fight scenes that probably appeal to that same group of schoolboys that penned the script, as an 'action hero' the main character can't run, can't act and certainly in real life would not be bedded by hot women within 2 minutes of meeting them.

Don 'Miami Vice' Johnson, remember him? also appears as some grossly caricatured comedy baddie with a hat to chew up the scenery when others give him the chance to....all in all...this is a pathetic film.

Is it a comedy? did not make me laugh....is it a spoof?...did not make me laugh...is it terrible? you bet.

If you are an 11 year old shut in with a bizarre view of what baddies are then you will be right at home here, if not, give it a miss unless you really want to annoy yourself silly.

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13 out of 21 people found the following review useful:

It killed my inner feminist. EPIC

9/10
Author: copperncherrio from United States
13 March 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I could possibly go butch lesbian after watching this film. SERIOUSLY. Machete is a man's film, everything from every did wrong, got wrong done to, revenge movie. It's awesome and just the right amount of corny that you know was intentional.

EPIC.

Also Lindsay Lohan is in it… to my surprise. I knew about Don Johnson (aka Nash Bridges), Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, and Robert De Niro. But you get to see Lindsay topless with her face in the same frame… so you know it's not a body double.

It was everything I wanted. I think I just killed my inner feminist, because this movie is the reason why I would ever want to be a guy. Because guy movies are far better than chick flicks.

All the chicks are super hot, but not helpless… It's funny with enough seriousness to kick buttness…

Also I noticed that Daryl Sabara is in it… ALSO known as the brother in the Spy Kids film series, which sucked… Ironically Cheech was in that as well. Daryl plays a adopted Mexican, a white kid fighting for the rights of his fellow Mexicans.

It's what every action pure entertaining film should be: AWESOME.

Lastly:

Jessica Alba's character:

"Why didn't you text me?"

Machete (Danny):

"Machete don't text"

… I know what you mean my dear friend

Also I never thought Michelle Rodriguez was ever that hot in all the other movies she's been in… BUT DAMN an eye patch and minimal leather makes her the ultimate hottie. SERIOUSLY. Dare I say it… she was hotter than Jessica Alba in the movie… But only in this movie. ahem.

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