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190 out of 287 people found the following review useful:
Why is this not billed as a comedy?, 6 September 2010

Author: Michael Donelly from Poland

When I saw the trailer for this film I thought it had to be trash but I laughed almost from the beginning to the end. Tongue in cheek humour - it's all intentional, there is nothing unfunny about Machete.

I was ready for a lot of gore but it was all done in such a hilarious way that I hardly noticed how disgusting it was. I fact, I was still laughing 5 minutes after I left the cinema.

If he wasn't already so old I would say Danny Trejo was an undiscovered talent set for a meteoric rise, but the guy is already 64. I never could have guessed as the adrenaline and action pumped incessantly.... and hysterically this weather-beaten old dude also managed effortlessly to bed any chiquita he came across, and in style too.

Machete kills and maims and has sex all the way through the movie, but amazingly he is also a gentleman. you have to love him.

The best movie I have seen this year and the best movie of this genre for some time. Top marks for not taking itself one bit seriously but knowing exactly how to entertain!

218 out of 354 people found the following review useful:
Mexploitation and Entertainment at Its Best, 25 August 2010

Author: kac-12 from United States

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

MACHETE, a Robert Rodriguez film, starring Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Jeff Fahey, Robert DeNiro, Steven Seagal, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Savini, Cheech Marin, and Don Johnson…. Soak that in for a moment. The story for Machete, as outlandish as it is, goes something like this: He looked like just another day laborer from the hood, and the perfect scapegoat for a corrupt political assassination. But he turned out to be MACHETE, a legendary ex-Federale with a deadly attitude and the skills to match. Left for dead after attempting to go against the notorious Mexican drug kingpin Torrez, Steven Seagal, Machete has escaped to Texas. But what he finds is a web of corruption and betrayal that leaves a bullet in a senator, Robert DeNiro, and Machete a wanted man. Machete sets out to clear his name and expose this conspiracy, but he does it…. The MACHETE way. What ensues is a wildly creative tale of carnage, vengeance, and a Mexican Revolution. You might have been familiar with this film since 2007, since a fake trailer for Machete was shown in the ambitious double feature event Grindhouse that is now regarded as legendary trailer…. Well, now you have your entire film version. Danny Trejo is finally getting his due here. Always the most bad-ass in his film appearances, he's never had much of a leading role, except for now. He is fantastic as Machete, and at the current age of 66, the action he does is pretty phenomenal. Machete is the type of character that always gets the one-up on the bad guys and the love of the ladies, and you can just sense that Trejo is loving every moment of it. Luckily, so are we. Machete is a film chock-full of truly schmaltzy performances from every member of the cast. The big difference here is that the schmaltz is intentional. The villains of this movie are so appropriately evil and murderous, with a samurai sword wielding Steven Seagal, in his first villainous role, simply stealing the show as Torrez. Yes, I just said that Steven Seagal stole the show over a hilarious politically incorrect politician Robert DeNiro, a sleazy rogue businessman Jeff Fahey, and a sinister Mexican shooting Don Johnson. You really want to see these foes get what they deserve. Bonus points if you spot Quentin Tarantino in a blink and you miss it cameo! With these villains, and their humorous henchmen, Machete also has his own connections and compadres. Jessica Alba is, believe it or not, the main love interest to Machete and some of her deliveries are so cringe-inducing, it's squirm-worthy. Yet, she's alright! There's also Michelle Rodriguez as Luz, a rather attractive taco truck lady who may have a secret identity as a Mexican patriot who plays it just fine. But it's Padre, Machete's brother, played by Cheech Marin, whose sequences in the film are some of the very best. He's hysterical and can handle dual shotguns like nobody else. And yes, Lindsay Lohan is in this and she's not half-bad for the little things she has to do. When she's not nude, she's dressed up as a pretty nifty revolver packing nun, but she doesn't pack that much of a punch. Machete is a film that embodies all of the facets a 1970s blaxploitation film would have, but with the Hispanic culture. This is Mexploitation, with a resonant grindhouse feeling, complete with film reel scratches and fake political ads. But the violence and action in this is so extraordinary and unapologetically gruesome, with the extremity of it all not being taken seriously at all. The things they do in this film, guaranteed you haven't seen most of them ever done before. Corkscrews, high-heels, weed-whackers, and, of course, machetes, are only a very small listing of all the tools and weapons used to dispatch characters in Machete. It's over the top, absolutely ridiculous scenes that pop up every five minutes and make for a joyous film experience. There are too many be-headings, blood-splattering gunshots, and limb removals to count…. Don't even get me started on the stabbings. To add the cherry on top, Machete is shot perfectly, fluidly, and inventively. Machete is completely, for lack of a better term, over the top, has a fitting heavy and groovy soundtrack, and never holds back on the gore. The dialogue is hokey and full of Mexican puns, but it knows this. Machete loves to poke fun at itself and its ridiculous concepts, with characters questioning certain events in the movie, realizations that everything is insane, and an awesome B-movie touch that graces the opening of the end credits. Machete is Robert Rodriguez's most enjoyable and best film to date. It's so fun, so amazing, and actually provides a sort of a social political message, now with racial profiling and immigration being a controversial Americana topic. It's why Machete is such a great film for the times, and will be looked upon as one of the culturally relevant films of the last couple years… I'm as shocked as you are. Machete is the best action film of 2010 and is certainly one of the best of the year. It's fantastic entertainment that I oh so highly recommend you watch. Machete es...... Yes, excelente.

202 out of 328 people found the following review useful:
Machete delivers, 3 September 2010

Author: jjohns33 from United States

This film is what it says it is. Nothing less. And perhaps a little more.

Most of Machete's critics that have given overall negative reviews, have fallen into a trap of their own devices. Machete is an exploitation film and was advertised as such. By definition, and exploitation film will include excessive violence, gore, nudity, and be high on intentional corny lines while low on plot devices and character development. To give low ratings to Machete because of one's distaste for the genre, would be like saying "The Shinning was awful because I don't like horror."

This is one of Rodriguez best films to date, side by side with Sin City (2005). Machete delivers on all accounts of action, gore, nudity, and corny lines. The plot is simple, but honestly, that's how it should be. The thing that sets this apart from other exploitation films is that the acting is top notch. I personally found that the three main female characters to be the most intriguing and diverse.

Jessica Alba plays the part of an ICE agent struggling with her loyalty to her nation and her people. She slowly begins to question her own logic on if people should follow law simply because they are laws. We see this struggle immediately, when she approaches a taco stand (apparently once every week) to by a coffee and lunch, despite her own people feeling from her site. Why does she continue this ritual? She says it is to check the papers of the character Luz, but really it is to try and hold onto a sliver of identity among her people.

Michelle Rodriguez plays said Luz (aka She) as an underground leader of illegal immigration. The character of Luz is a simple woman who believes in not bending to the broken system, but fighting for her people (the mirror image of Alba). "She" is only a myth on which Luz has built a cult following, understanding that sometimes being a myth can do more damage than flesh and blood. By the end of the film, Luz is reborn as the mythical She, just in time for the bloody battle.

Finally, the actress that surprised me the most was Lindsay Lohan. Despite only receiving 10-15 minutes of screen time (most are which she is undressed), she plays her character perfectly and flawlessly. The role seems to be written specifically for her and I applaud her for stepping up and taking on such a mature role. One of her first scenes is a tongue-in-cheek conversation about how she needs to give the people of the internet what they want, and that is more of her. Lohan played the part beautifully (in all aspects) and specks of talent are clearly visible. I hope that filmmakers and audiences (as well as herself) continue to allow her opportunities to showcase that talent.

Machete is an exploitation film at its finest. And, for the most part, if you are the type of cinema attendee who wants to see a movie called Machete in the first place, chances are you will be thoroughly entertained.

193 out of 342 people found the following review useful:
Corny, Violent, Cheap, And AWESOME!, 28 August 2010

Author: Pulp_Usual_Fiction_Suspect from Canada

I caught a screening of this film not too long ago, and all I have to say is that it was an adrenaline rush! The violence was overwhelming, and the writing was cornily witty. Pretty good performances all around from Alba, Trejo, DeNiro, Seagal, Lohan and many a more. Great entertainment, perfect to sit down with some buddies on a Saturday night and have a good laugh.

No doubt in my mind this will do well in the box office, and well, not so well with the critics. But forget what the critics say this is a great flick, and a damn fun one too!

Plot: After being betrayed by the organization who hired him, an ex-Federale launches a brutal rampage of revenge against his former boss.

usualfilmfan

107 out of 172 people found the following review useful:
Are you kidding me? This movie SUCKS, 6 September 2010

Author: Scott Baldwin (Mohasamedi45@gmail.com) from Edmonton, Canada

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have a question for a lot of the positive reviewers on here: Did you REALLY like this movie, or are you just gushing out of respect for Rodriguez??? I'm a Rodriguez fan too, in case you didn't know. Tarantino and Rodriguez are the kings of b-movies. They know how to make a good b-movie and their extensive filmography has shown. With Tarantino you have Kill Bill, Jackie Brown and Inglourious Basterds, with Rodiriguez you have Planet Terror, From Dusk Till Dawn and the king of all things "Visually gorgeous", Sin City. What I love about both of them is that while their films are indeed exercises in Style Over Substance, they're aware of it and don't take themselves too seriously.

I still stand by Grindhouse as the most fun I've had at the theatre. Two great movies from two fantastic directors with some hilarious fake trailers thrown in there for the price of one. After "Hobo With A Shotgun", "Machete" showed. I laughed so hard! And then the news broke that Machete was going to be a full movie. I was excited.

Turns out, some fake trailers should just stay fake trailers.

As I mentioned earlier, Rodriguez's films are Style Over Substance. But they are aware of it, and don't take themselves too seriously, and for that, come off as awesome. Was this movie Style Over Substance? Yes. Did it follow its "Don't take yourself too seriously" rule? Well, it did... for the first 20 minutes.

I was liking the first 20 minutes. Even as a gore hound, I was wondering if I should be eating during that scene! Then of course, we get the awesome betrayal scene and the hospital scene... I especially loved when Machete cut the man's abdomen open and used his intestine as a rope to escape through a window. I laughed!!! Then it went downhill from there.

First off, Jessica Alba was annoying. Take her out of the movie and it wouldn't be different. All she does is just run around and scream the plot out loud. The most cringe worthy scene was near the end when she got up on the bonnet of the car and made that speech. That brought back memories of "Robin Hood" of earlier this year (you know what scene I'm talking about). Second, this film has too much plot in it, and too many characters. For a movie that's supposed to be a b-flick, this movie shouldn't be about political mumbo jumbo.

The characters are a big letdown here. Or at least the representation of characters. Let's begin. "She" is a great character. About halfway through the film she is killed off... then near the end she survived!!! Or the Priest. He is a likable character too. Then he gets killed off 5 minutes after his first appearance. Or what about Daryl Sabara's character? He's a funny guy and he has (what feels like) 30 seconds of screen time... and yet he's one of the main actors in the opening credits!!! Bigger yet, what about the villain? WHO'S THE VILLAIN? Is it Segal, who has a total of 6 minutes of screen time, De Niro, or Fahey, who easily out of the three supposed villains gets the most screen time... except he dies 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE CLIMAX. Or Lindsay Lohan... why is she even in there, other than the fact that she's Fahey's character's daughter??? The climax is a total anticlimax. There's no excitement in the battle at all, it's incredibly dull and boring. Even the iconic bit shown in the trailer with the bike was underwhelming. And Segal's character's death even felt copped out and lazy.

By the time the film was done, I was so glad I was out of the theatre. The film bored me enough with its slow pace. For a movie that claims to be an ultra gory action b-flick, there's about 10 minutes of action, 90 minutes of boring dialogue. This is supposed to be a b-movie, not some political crap. I like slow paced films, but not when they're supposed to be fun b-movies.

Sorry, Mr. Rodriguez, but I think your days are numbered!

80 out of 128 people found the following review useful:
What's Mexican slang for crap??, 18 September 2010

Author: Mrswing from Brussels

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Robert Rodriguez strikes (out) again. Stringing together some cruel moments of gore with lame comedy, a few bare breasts (how people can rave about the copious nudity in this movie when there's hardly anything on show is beside me), heavy-handed political satire which makes his sincere message come across as racist stupidity and some of the least exciting action scenes ever, Machete is a complete failure. Acting performances are weak across the board, and Danny Trejo is a frightening figure, yet he doesn't cut it (ooh, look, I made a pun) as an interesting lead character. He doesn't have the charisma to transcend the extreme simplicity of the character. And while I know he could crush me with his bare hands, he certainly doesn't convince when going up against villainous henchmen half his age. The finale is the worst part of the film. The heroic Mexicans attack the racist American vigilantes, and much slaughter ensues, but without any tension at all, with extremely weak choreography and telegraphed 'cool' moments referencing 'classic' exploitation characters which are largely embarrassing. Nothing is quite as embarrassing as the final battle between Trejo and Steven Seagal, though. No choreography to speak of, shot and edited in the least effective way (I've seen better fights in TV-series), and with an utterly lame ending, it has absolutely no redeeming features. Except that it's short (barely one minute of screen time). Maybe one day Rodriguez will accept the fact that he can't write or tell stories, and start working from scripts by other people who can. Until that day, we'll be stuck with crap like Machete, however.

80 out of 131 people found the following review useful:
"Machete" Is Not For Everyone, But It's Was Fun To Me, 27 September 2010

Author: D_Burke from United States

As I was in the theater watching "Machete", I could not help but see certain scenes and keep a list in my head of people who would hate this movie. When Machete (Danny Trejo) takes out the knife whose nickname he bears and cuts people's heads off, "people who hate violence in movie" made my list. When Sartana (Jessica Alba) takes a shower and leans against the wall in a way that millions of men probably fantasized about, "most, if not all, women" found its way onto my list. When Padre the Roman-Catholic priest (Cheech Marin) says "God has mercy. I don't." to a guy before blowing his brains out with a rifle, I couldn't help but mentally pencil in two other groups of people: Catholics, and people who hadn't seen "Grindhouse" (2007) when it came out in theaters three years ago.

Well, I love violent action films, I think Jessica Alba is gorgeous, I am Catholic but am not easily offended, and I was one of a surprising few who saw the aforementioned ambitious tribute to B-movies of the 70's and 80's. Therefore, I enjoyed "Machete" a lot, but I imagine others would have to take it with a grain of salt.

"Machete", based on a fake trailer made exclusively for "Grindhouse" that director Robert Rodriguez decided to expand into a feature-length film, is not meant to be taken seriously. If anything, it's a clever film with a lot of great action sequences, intriguing characters, many interesting subplots, and a good story at its base. For starters, it also has an impressive roster of talented actors in it. There is an interesting mix of the usual Rodriguez players (Danny Trejo, Cheech Marin, Jeff Fahey), really good actors (Robert De Niro), notoriously bad actors (Steven Seagal, Don Johnson), and talented players that have made some bad film choices over the last few years (Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan). The funny thing is that, good or bad, most of these actors seem perfect fits for this movie, and work well off each other.

Trejo may have been an action star if he came to fame in 1970's cinema. Nowadays, it's not unusual to see good looking celebrities like Tom Cruise and Ryan Reynolds headline action films. Thankfully, Rodriguez, like Quentin Tarantino (who co-produced this film, but for some reason, remained uncredited) saw something in this 66-year-old ex-convict, because Trejo makes a great lead for an action film. Just one look at him, and you may want to start running. He's rugged, doesn't take any crap from anyone, and it is what action stars should be. It's just too bad the villains in this movie are not aware of that fact, and there are many villains.

There's Torrez (Steven Seagal), a drug kingpin who betrayed Machete while he was a Federale in Mexico. There's Booth (Jeff Fahey) who hires Machete to assassinate a Republican senator (De Niro) who's staunchly against illegal immigration. There's also a corrupt border patrolman (Don Johnson) who kills illegal immigrants with no mercy. Although Jessica Alba plays an INS agent, you really can't stay mad at her for long.

Although "Death Proof" and "Planet Terror" found a separate following on DVD, "Grindhouse", which combined the two films along with fake previews, did not do well at the box office despite rave reviews. So the timing may have been bad for "Machete" had it not been for the controversial Arizona immigration law that coincidentally coincided with this film's release. Whether or not this movie can be seen as a Hispanic-American revenge fantasy is not up to me to decide, although Michelle Rodriguez's turn as Luz, who is suspected of aiding illegal immigrants, raises some interesting questions. The film does seem to forget that it's a parody of exploitation films of years past at times, but never ceases from being fun. Just as Rodriguez brought "Machete" from a coming attraction to a feature film, I hope Rob Zombie does the same for his "Werewolf Women of the SS" preview.

65 out of 106 people found the following review useful:
Classic Rodriguez, 7 September 2010
Author: John DeSando (jdesando@columbus.rr.com) from Columbus, Ohio

Padre Benito del Toro: It's not safe for you to be here. Machete: I'm not looking for "safe." Padre Benito del Toro: No, I mean it's not safe for me for you to be here!

When you can sit back and relax with a Grindhouse satire like Machete, then you are a cinema devotee who accepts outrageous violence and a bit of skin in a Mexploitation fun house.

Robert Rodriguez (whose El Mariachi started his career) is the co-writer/co-director (with Ethan Maniquis) of arguably his best production since Sin City—Machete. Or maybe his and Quentin Tarantino's cult fav, Grindhouse (2007). At any rate, Rodriguez has become synonymous with outright bloody business reminiscent of cheap B movies in the '70's, and he's the best at it.

Machete, played by Danny Trejo, is as ugly as you could hope for in an unstoppable warrior with restless knives. He is a Mexican federale seeking revenge for his family slaughtered by drug lord Torrez (Steven Seagal with a bad toupee). Although the hearty laughs don't last the whole film (after all, too many severed limbs are not sustainable comedy), Rodriguez has other moments to keep us interested, such as a bare-breasted Lindsey Lohan in a pool scene and in another with a machine gun in nun's garb.

All of this fun is in the service of a message, albeit too obvious for my tastes as it slows the latter part of the film with stagey speeches about the crimes against illegal immigrants. The bad guys promote a tougher border presence to deter the aliens, not because they are doing anything immoral, but because tighter borders mean higher prices.

Machete puts an amusing end to a tepid cinema summer (with the exception of the challenging Inception)—after all, if Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, and Don Johnson can have fun in this mayhem, so can we.

101 out of 180 people found the following review useful:
Mr. Rodriguez, you owe me $8.00., 4 September 2010

Author: leantom-2 from New Jersey, United States

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

There are a number of great Mexploitation films. "El Mariachi," "Desperado" and "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" all come to mind. Not only were those films action-packed and entertaining, but they contained good plots which one could follow without losing interest.

Then, there's "Machete."

I'll keep things honest, seeing as (apparently) the only submitted reviews were done by film crew members.

The movie starts out well. In the first scene, Machete (and his partner, who dies almost immediately) storms into a drug cartel, wreaking havoc against armed goons with nothing but his (get ready) machete. He kills about a dozen people, rescuing a naked female hostage in the process. However, as they're leaving the cartel hideout, she betrays Machete to the cartel's leader, a man named Torrez (played by Steven Seagal). Machete being subdued, Torrez tortures Machete but decides not to kill him. Instead, he kills Machete's wife and child and leaves Machete alive so that he can suffer for the rest of his life.

Yes, it's simple, but the movie actually looked quite good up until this point. Then, the nightmare began.

Rather than construct a decent story and continue with the main plot (i.e., a man with nothing to lose trying to avenge the deaths of his wife and child), the movie veers off into a tirade of politicizations and hate-mongering. It portrays white conservatives (get ready for some originality) as racist red-necks who are hell-bent on killing Mexicans for sheer enjoyment. It even shows a U.S. Senator (played by Robert De Niro) killing a pregnant illegal alien and her spouse, saying afterward, "My supporters would love this" (paraphrase).

(Yes, Hollywood, people are not against illegal immigration because it destroys the Rule of Law, hurts the economy, increases unemployment, increases violent crime, puts financial burdens on tax-payers, etc. - it's because they hate Hispanics).

Before continuing, I just want to mention that the writer of this review is the product of a Hispanic father. OK, here we go.

As already mentioned, after the opening sequence, the movie becomes overtly political. The aforementioned senator (played by De Niro) is seen campaigning for re-election, his main political platform being the construction of a border-fence designed to keep out illegal aliens (the horror!). However, many people in power are against this, and they hire Machete (now a day-laborer) to assassinate the senator. Of course, as indicated by the coming attractions, Machete is betrayed by the very people who hire him, and it is revealed that they are, in fact, working for the very cartel leader who killed Machete's family (what a startling coincidence!). It turns out that Machete was only hired to arouse public sympathy for the senator and increase the public's demand for a border fence (which Torrez, the cartel leader who killed Machete's family, wants, given that then he can control the drug trade between the Mexican-U.S. border).

The story gets very boring, with immigration politics ascending into the forefront. The action slows down to a grinding halt, and the story devolves into simple political platitudes (check out Jessica Alba's call for a race-war near the end of the movie, demanding that illegal immigrants incite violence in order to acquire citizenship).

In conclusion, this movie sucks. Mr. Rodriguez, I want my money back.

68 out of 117 people found the following review useful:
Go watch Grindhouse or Desperado again, 6 September 2010

Author: Ivar mr. from Estonia

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I' try to keep it short and to the point. The action scenes were boring and the only thing that made this movie watchable was the star cast and some one-liner jokes. Don't get me wrong, I thought there were some good scenes in this movie but not enough to make a full length motion picture worthwhile. I suggest you (re)watch Grindhouse and Desperado instead of this mess of poor gore action and politics.

PS! Why does Machete have 6 throwing knives and a bunch of machetes under his coat when he only uses the one in his hand?! Also Segal has gained enough weight to not be suitable for any action apparently so all scenes that required any movement at all were filmed with a double from behind and the 1 minute end fight was really boring. So my question is why give him any martial arts scenes to begin with?

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