Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Two fags decide they want a baby. So they jack off in a cup, use the sperm to get a lady friend of theirs pregnant. Nine months later they go to the hospital. They see all the babies in the nursery. "Look," they say, "Our baby's the sweetest one. He's not even cryin' at all!". Uh, uh... Goddamn it, what the fuck is it?
Carter Chong: "Now he's not crying," the nurse says, "Just wait till we get the pacifier out of his ass."
[Tony and Paulie are driving through Maryland]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Chevy Chase. Fuck ever happen to him?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [about Beansie] Oof, Madon'! He pisses in a bag now? Jesus Christ, fuckin' kill me now. Huh!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Hey, Tone. Remember when we all rented that house down the Shore? With the bedbugs? Heh, heh.
Tony Soprano: [nods]
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: Summer of '78. Carlo, Silvio, Frankie Napoli.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Place up the beach. Sonny Spits from the Bronx rented it? That's where that hippie kid "mysteriously" drowned during that party. Heh, heh.
Tony Soprano: [glares at Paulie]
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: Hey, Tony. You OK?
Tony Soprano: Yeah, yeah.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You sure, T? You're being kinda quiet.
Tony Soprano: Well, it's 'cause, uh, "remember when" is the lowest form of conversation.
Tony Soprano: [gets up and leaves]
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now.", she says. "Why?", he asks, "don't ya have a vase?".
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? "Good morning, ladies."
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: [to Warren] I saw your girl today at pet therapy. How she keep her coat so shiny?
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: [about Paulie] Back in the day, 70's, fuckin' 80's, you didn't make a move in North Jersey without this one up your ass.
Anika: [laughs] I wasn't even born yet.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Please. Wanna talk about stand-up guys?
[points to Beansie; everyone is quiet because Beansie is wheelchair bound]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Sorry, Beans.
Anika: How do you know Peter?
Tony Soprano: Who Peter? Beansie? An old friend from the neighborhood.
Anika: So the other guy, the one with the white hair thingies, what's his name again?
Tony Soprano: Paulie.
Anika: Right. What is he, like, your best friend?
Tony Soprano: He say that?
Anika: I just figured the way he was talking. Honestly, I thought he was your dad at first.
Tony Soprano: There was a time when I wished he was. He used to work for my dad.
Anika: I know he told me.
Tony Soprano: [looks angry]
Tony Soprano: You know, no offense but you ever had yourself checked for Tourette's?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What?
Tony Soprano: Tourette's Syndrome. Seriously. "Heh, heh. Heh, heh." Maybe you got a tic or somethin'?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I don't know. Like some people grind their teeth. When I'm nervous, tense or somethin'.