Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now.", she says. "Why?", he asks, "don't ya have a vase?".
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? "Good morning, ladies."
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Hey, Tone. Remember when we all rented that house down the Shore? With the bedbugs? Heh, heh.
Tony Soprano: [nods]
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: Summer of '78. Carlo, Silvio, Frankie Napoli.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Place up the beach. Sonny Spits from the Bronx rented it? That's where that hippie kid "mysteriously" drowned during that party. Heh, heh.
Tony Soprano: [glares at Paulie]
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: Hey, Tony. You OK?
Tony Soprano: Yeah, yeah.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You sure, T? You're being kinda quiet.
Tony Soprano: Well, it's 'cause, uh, "remember when" is the lowest form of conversation.
Tony Soprano: [gets up and leaves]
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: [to Warren] I saw your girl today at pet therapy. How she keep her coat so shiny?
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Two fags decide they want a baby. So they jack off in a cup, use the sperm to get a lady friend of theirs pregnant. Nine months later they go to the hospital. They see all the babies in the nursery. "Look," they say, "Our baby's the sweetest one. He's not even cryin' at all!". Uh, uh... Goddamn it, what the fuck is it?
Carter Chong: "Now he's not crying," the nurse says, "Just wait till we get the pacifier out of his ass."
Tony Soprano: You know, no offense but you ever had yourself checked for Tourette's?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What?
Tony Soprano: Tourette's Syndrome. Seriously. "Heh, heh. Heh, heh." Maybe you got a tic or somethin'?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I don't know. Like some people grind their teeth. When I'm nervous, tense or somethin'.
Tony Soprano: [Referring to Paulie] you should've seen him out there, he could handle himself his got the balls of twenty year old, his my friend but can't stop, his such s bladder mouth, he asks me not tell anyone about his prostate I say "sure" then he tells everybody
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: He was always like that, You forgot, one time I fell asleep while he was on the phone, I wake up twenty minutes later and he was still going
Tony Soprano: I've got to say, it concerns me lately
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: People live alone and they get like that it's sad
Tony Soprano: [Referring to Beanie's wife] you married a good woman the way she stood by you?
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: That's what Paulie doesn't have and I'm speaking to your point, his got no wife and no kids
Tony Soprano: His got so steady income stream either, except for Barone which is coming to an end, I told him if you can't legitimate income your vulnerable to the Feds he don't do shit about it
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: I think you're worrying for nothing
Tony Soprano: Things are going great finally, maybe I'm just waiting "for the other shoe to drop"
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: All I know is Paulie Gualtieri is a standup guy
Tony Soprano: Has he been ever to the test? He had this painting in his house, I was all dressed up as a general
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: [laughing] I heard about that
Tony Soprano: It pissed me off I thought it was a fucking joke but now I don't think it was
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: He loves Tony, your all his got, you, the guys, and his image
Tony Soprano: I love him too
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [about Beansie] Oof, Madon'! He pisses in a bag now? Jesus Christ, fuckin' kill me now. Huh!
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: [about Paulie] Back in the day, 70's, fuckin' 80's, you didn't make a move in North Jersey without this one up your ass.
Anika: [laughs] I wasn't even born yet.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Please. Wanna talk about stand-up guys?
[points to Beansie; everyone is quiet because Beansie is wheelchair bound]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Sorry, Beans.
Anika: How do you know Peter?
Tony Soprano: Who Peter? Beansie? An old friend from the neighborhood.
Anika: So the other guy, the one with the white hair thingies, what's his name again?
Tony Soprano: Paulie.
Anika: Right. What is he, like, your best friend?
Tony Soprano: He say that?
Anika: I just figured the way he was talking. Honestly, I thought he was your dad at first.
Tony Soprano: There was a time when I wished he was. He used to work for my dad.
Anika: I know he told me.
Tony Soprano: [looks angry]