Rocko's Modern Life (TV Series)

S.W.A.K./Magic Meatball (1996)

Carlos Alazraqui: Rocko, Spunky, Meatball, Additional Voices

Quotes 

• Heffer Wolfe : [Rocko gives him a letter for Alicia]  SAY, this smells like a LOVE letter.

  Rocko : That's none of your business.

  Heffer Wolfe : Rocko and Alicia sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

  Rocko : [not amused]  Just deliver the letter, Heff.

  Heffer Wolfe : Okay. But I don't think Wallace is gonna take it very well.

  Rocko : Wallace? Who's Wallace?

  Heffer Wolfe : You know, Wallace from Pizza Face Pizza.

  Rocko : [has a flashback of Wallace pounding him] 

  Rocko : [getting scared]  Oh, *that* Wallace. Maybe you better give me that letter back.

  Heffer Wolfe : No can do, Rock. NO CAN DO.

  [stands on his mail truck] 

  Heffer Wolfe : The Postman's Creed clearly states: That once an item to be mailed, i.e., your letter, leaves the customer's hand, that means you, and said item is placed in a recognized postal receptacle or the hand of a postal distributor, that's me, the letter becomes official property of the US government and is in no way to be interrupted from reaching it's final destination. Unless, of course, there's insufficient postage.

  Rocko : But I didn't have a stamp on it.

  Heffer Wolfe : That's okay. I'll spot you one.

  Rocko : Come on, Heff. You can give the letter back to me.

  Heffer Wolfe : Have you no respect for the law? Tampering with the mail is a federal offense! And I'm not doin' time for nobody.

  [drives away] 

  Rocko : If I don't get that letter back, I'll be doing time under Wallace's fist.

• Heffer Wolfe : [Wallace answers the door]  Hi, Wallace. I got a letter for Alicia.

  Rocko : No! Wait! Heffer, think... stop!

  Wallace : [opens the letter and looks confused] 

  Heffer Wolfe : What's the matter? Can't read? No problem. I'll read it to you.

  Rocko : Um, Heffer, I don't think that would be a good idea.

  Heffer Wolfe : [reads the letter]  "To my mail carrier. You are like a ray of golden sunshine."

  Wallace : [gets more and more furious] 

  Heffer Wolfe : "With each delivery, you bring a glimmer of joy that warms my heart."

  Wallace : [smashes a car] 

  Heffer Wolfe : "Love, Rocko."

  [hugs Rocko] 

  Heffer Wolfe : I think your special too, Rocko.

  Wallace : [all of a sudden calms down] 

  Wallace : [Points to Heffer and Rocko]  You mean, *you* and *you*?

  [starts crying] 

  Wallace : That's so sweet.

• Heffer Wolfe : [dropping Rocko off home]  Here you go. Door to door service. Thanks to your local postal buddy.

  Rocko : THANKS? THANKS FOR ALMOST GETTING ME FOLDED, SPINDLED, AND MUTILATED? You POSTAL IDIOT!