Heavens to Murgatroyd! Lawdy Miss Clawdy! What a stinker!
lor_ from New York, New York
12 July 2016
Adam & Eve is among my favorite Adult Entertainment companies, but like
many institutions in our society, notably Variety newspaper where I
used to toil back when it was headquartered in the Big Apple, it has
fallen into disrepair. One of the disrepairers is David Lord,
journeyman porn director/cameraman who foisted this particular mess on
the unsuspecting public.
The title is a rather uncreative description of MILF meets jizm, the
theme of the feature. But aiming that low isn't enough for Big Dave: he
insists on contracting his flimsy premise in several ways, assuming no
one is looking. He is almost right -no audience is looking at junk like
this, but I, the completist, am always lurking to check out even bottom
of the barrel effusions of treasured (A&E) provenance like this turkey.
Among the MILFs who populate the five vignettes is Shannon Kelly, all
of 25 years old when this was shot, hardly qualifying. She plays a
divorcée who's about to lose $640,000 on her house, so she (illogically
of course) decides to make it worth her while by humping the gardener
played by Load Warrior Nick Manning. Nick, who is wont to scream
inanities, yells "Suck that garden hose!" during the throes of fellatio
and comes through with his usual "Droppin' loads" exclamation at the
scene's climax. What this has to do with $640,000 is left unexplained,
as is the notion that a 39-year-old guy humping a 25-year old girl
translates into "Mothers I'd Like to F*ck".
The older beauties ham it up in their segments, notably Tiffany Mynx
who plays directly to the camera. Lord's idea of a young guy attracted
to a mom figure extends to tired old (dare I say washed-up?) porn
veteran Alex Sanders: 40 years old with over a thousand features under
his belt when he made this turkey. Yet he appears as a traveling dildo
salesman, hooking up with 32-year-old Ginger Lea. What happened to the
premise -was it merely thrown out of the window?
This is hackwork at its hackiest, and not surprisingly it was released
under Adam & Eve's crap label Bad Seed, rather than the main company.
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