- Dylan: [on a date] So were you born in New York?
- Kenny: I DON'T WANNA HAVE SEX WITH YOU!
- Dylan: [stunned] What?
- Kenny: I'm a virgin - slow down, will ya?
- Dylan: I don't...
- Kenny: I've never been with another guy in a house all alone before, okay?
- Dylan: Kenny, just relax.
- Kenny: Hey, I'm bad at being gay. I think I'm allowed to be a LITTLE upset.
- Dylan: I've never been in this situation either, okay? This is all new to me, too.
- Kenny: Really?
- Dylan: [still alarmed] Trust me. *All* of it is new to me.
- Kenny: [sits down] So... you don't want to start having crazy sex right this second?
- Dylan: Um, no. Not really.
- Kenny: [grins] Is this a great date or what?
- Dylan: [later] So, what do you feel like doin'?
- Kenny: How about a movie? I rented Funny Girl and All About Eve.
- Dylan: Hmm. Those sound kind of... gay.
- Kenny: Yeah, they do, don't they.
- Dylan: I like Lord of the Rings.
- Kenny: I love Lord of the Rings!
- Dylan: They have the best battle sequences ever filmed.
- Kenny: Oh my God, that's exactly what Larry says!
- Dylan: I think Viggo Mortensen was born to play the part of Aragorn.
- Kenny: Larry says that too!
- Dylan: Oh yeah? Well, does Larry say that you have the most soulful eyes he's ever seen?
- [Kenny is speechless, and then giggles and swoons against the couch]
- [Kenny is living at the Gold house after being thrown out of his own for being gay]
- Vicky Gold: Now that he has a boyfriend and he's gonna be home alone while we're away, I think you need to talk to him about safe sex.
- Dave Gold: Ahhwwweh, whaddayou kidding me?
- Vicky Gold: No! We don't know what he knows and doesn't know about sex.
- Dave Gold: And I'd like to keep it that way.
- Vicky Gold: And I'd like to keep him from getting AIDS.
- Dave Gold: A'right, a'right, a'right, fine. Fine. I'll go have a talk with him about the birds and... the birds.
- [Dave finds Kenny reading in the living room]
- Dave Gold: So, uh, eeah, you're, ah, you're, ah, you're reading a comic book, huh?
- Kenny: [a little apprehensive] Yeah.
- Dave Gold: Yeah, well, uh, you know how those things come wrapped in plastic to protect 'em?
- Kenny: Um, yeah.
- Dave Gold: That's always a good idea in general. Y'know, it's good to keep things wrapped up, to protect 'em. Y'know what I'm saying?
- Kenny: Please tell me this is about me leaving the ham out on the counter.
- [he pauses]
- Kenny: Oh my God, are you trying to talk to me about safe sex?
- Dave Gold: Yeah, but uh, there's nothin' to feel weird about.
- [the scene shifts to the show's trademark 'thought room', where the characters speak directly to the audience, this time a split screen with both Dave and Kenny]
- Dave and Kenny, together: This is the most uncomfortable moment of my entire life!