- Morticia Addams: Gomez, I hate to interrupt you while you're ravishing me, but our match has left me a bit parched.
- Gomez Addams: I'll ring for Lurch!
- Uncle Fester: [reading from a book of baby names] Anthrax... Boobola... Charles... . Charles Addams? Who'd ever name their kid that?
- Grandmama Addams: [tearful] Oh, I just love soap opera's. They're so filled with... anguish and despair...