Cletus: We home school 'em. I teach the big ones, and the big ones teach the little ones, but nobody taught me, so the whole thing is an exercise in futility.
Cletus: Brandine, what are you doing here? You're suppose to be in Iraq stopping 9/11.
Bart Simpson: So you're saying I tell people to have a cow because deep inside, I want them to have a cow.
Groundskeeper Willie: I'll get those children dead or alive.
Principal Skinner: Alive.
Groundskeeper Willie: Aw, you never let Willie be Willie.
Lisa Simpson: You haven't heard the last of this.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well, I guess we've heard the last of this.
Lisa Simpson: No you haven't!
Krusty the Klown: I brought the greatest American composer... this guy. What's your name?
Stephen Sondheim: Stephen Sondheim. I know you hear this all the time, but I think you're great.
Krusty the Klown: Well, I bet you hear this a lot: You cost me an arm and a leg, so get to work!
Stephen Sondheim: Here's the opening number.
Krusty the Klown: Aha... Complex harmonies... Sophisticated lyrics... Pithy observations on everyday life... What is this crap! Where's the zazz? Why don't you do what you did on Cats?
Stephen Sondheim: I didn't write Cats.
Krusty the Klown: Oh, no! All right, I think we can save this.
Andy Dick: I'm blue collar. I'm totally blue collar. My father owns a shovel.
Marge Simpson: I love these mystery novels. It's amazing how the solve the mystery before they run out of pages. James Patterson!
James Patterson: Marge, come with me. Help me come up with nursery rhyme-themed titles for my mystery novels.
Marge Simpson: How about Little Bo Peep?
James Patterson: That's great! One of the clues could be her sheep.
Kid: Hey, you're one of those funny guys on the TV with the big nose.
Krusty the Klown: A clown?
Kid: No, a Je...
Krusty the Klown: Joker! That's right. And I'm not a practicing joker, so I'm not offended.
Dr. Swanson: Will we ever see each other again?
Bart Simpson: Who knows. Anything's possible. One of this days I might have a complete psychotic breakdown.
Dr. Swanson: I'd like that.
Principal Skinner: Willie. Go get those kids and bring them back!
Groundskeeper Willie: I'll bring 'em back dead or alive!
Principal Skinner: NOT dead.
Groundskeeper Willie: Aww, ya never let Willie be Willie!
Krusty the Klown: Let's try this. Break into a peppy vamp.
Stephen Sondheim: Good, and I can counterpoint it with...
Krusty the Klown: No counterpoint! Vamp! Peppy!
Stephen Sondheim: [Starts playing] Hey, this peppy stuff is not bad. Maybe I could do that jingle for Bosco.