Newscaster: "Mad Dog Marvin" who gained fame breaking into houses at night wearing a ski-mask has escaped.
[the babies gasp]
Newscaster: In other news, authorities have cautioned local residents to protect themselves...
Kermit: Did you hear that, Fozzie? We're supposed to protect ourselves.
Rowlf: From a skiing dog burglar.
Newscaster: As the storm is due in this evening with gale force winds and heavy rain, double check to make sure all your windows and doors are locked so nothing can get in.
Nanny: Oh my, did you hear that, kids? I better check all those windows and doors before it gets too late.
Kermit: Can we go with you, Nanny?
Rowlf: Yeah, we kind of don't want to be down here without you.
Nanny: What? Okay, come on, let's start in the basement.
Animal: Good idea!
Rowlf: That's where all burglars try to get in, the basement!
Kermit: Oh great!
Fozzie: Kermit? Piggy? Gonzo? Where are you guys?
Newscaster: Authorities fear they are missing.
Fozzie: I'll say! We're all alone, Teddy!
Newscaster: And remember, be sure to double check all those windows and doors.
Fozzie: Oh no, we've gotta protect Nanny's house from that ski-mask dog burglar.
Newscaster: And don't forget the attic.
Fozzie: Right, the attic!
Fozzie: Hello? Mr. Ski-Mask Burglar guy, is that you? Do you see anyone, Teddy?
[shakes Teddy's head]
Fozzie: Boy, that's a relief, huh?
[sees their reflections in a mirror]
Fozzie: WHOA! Did you see that, Teddy? The ski dog mask burglar guy looks just like me, and he's got a Teddy just like you and, huh?
Fozzie: [talking to his and Teddy's reflections, then hears voices in the basement through the air vent] But if that's us, and this is us, then who's that in the basement?
Fozzie: The ski mask ham dog burglar! Come on!
Fozzie: Hello? Mr. Burglar Hamster? That's funny, I thought I heard someone. Let's set a trap in the kitchen next, Teddy, bugling hamburgers always go in there.
Piggy: Goof, come on, follow me.
[steps on Fozzie's rubber chicken, slides into the next room and crashes]
Gonzo: Follow that? Madonna couldn't follow that!
Gonzo: [hiding in the closet, only their eyes visible] Uh... I hate to mention this but uh, how many of us came in here?
Scooter: [among the jumble] Let's see, there's you...
Gonzo: Right, so uh, who's he?
[nods up to a 5th set of eyes]
Scooter: What about those guys we saw at the window?
Gonzo: Set a booby trap!
Fozzie: Uh uh.
Piggy: Drop him in the laundry!
Gonzo: Trip him with a rope.
Fozzie: Tried that.
Piggy: Put a bag on his head!
Fozzie: Tried all that stuff.
Fozzie: If that ski burglar monster guy thinks he's going to steal my joke collection, he's got another thing coming, right Teddy?
[closes the door behind him and trips down the stairs and crashes]
Fozzie: Bet that scared him, heh?
Fozzie: I'll just set this last pan here, and there. The lube-job bungler comes through the door, steps on this, the flour shoots out, he falls over there, the rope snaps up and presto, ha ha! The lollypop pickler ends up in the ketchup bucket, right, Teddy?