[last lines; director's cut]
News Anchor: New U.S. President Joseph Steppens announced today that with the death of Natasha Chenkov, known in the U.S. as Evelyn Salt, all elements of the terrorist group have been eliminated. The announcement came during his Moscow peacekeeping visit where President Steppens paused to lay flowers at the site of the 1974 plane crash that killed his parents and sister while on a tour of Russia.
Evelyn Salt: Do you have homework?
Salt's Young Neighbor: Algebra.
Evelyn Salt: I hate math.
Evelyn Salt: What is your name?
Vassily Orlov: My name is Vassily Orlov. Today, a Russian agent will travel to New York city to kill the President. This agent is KA-12.
Evelyn Salt: The KA program is a myth.
Vassily Orlov: Don't you want to know the name?
Evelyn Salt: You're good. You can tell the rest of your story to one of my colleagues.
Vassily Orlov: Salt.
Evelyn Salt: Yes?
Vassily Orlov: The name of the agent is Evelyn Salt.
Evelyn Salt: My name is Evelyn Salt.
Vassily Orlov: Then you are a Russian spy.
Peabody: Hey. Why'd you kill him?
Evelyn Salt: Because somebody had to.
Peabody: [punches her hard]
Peabody: [to everyone else] What?
Evelyn Salt: By this, I take it you think everybody is who they say they are.
Ted Winter: Look, Ev, try to stay calm.
Evelyn Salt: I'm not a goddamn Russian spy.
Ted Winter: I didn't say you were. Let's go to my office, we can sort this out.
Peabody: No, no. We gotta go to a secure location. Now.
Ted Winter: All right. Doesn't get any more secure than this. Ev? Five minutes.
Evelyn Salt: Call Protective Services, find Mike.
Ted Winter: I will.
Evelyn Salt: This is bullshit.
Evelyn Salt: [being dragged out and tied down] Please let me go home. Please, I'm not who you think I am. I'm really not who you think I am. Please. Please, I'm not a spy.
Interrogation Tech: You are a spy!
Evelyn Salt: I'm not a spy. Please let me go home.
Interrogation Tech: Try again.
Evelyn Salt: I am not a spy! I am a business woman. I work for Rink Petroleum and Gas. Please call them. I work for Rink Petroleum!
Interrogation Tech: You are here to sabotage our nuclear ambitions. Yes?
Evelyn Salt: [water tube being forced into her mouth] I am not a spy! I am not a spy!
Ted Winter: [rattled by underling] "Sir"? Do I look like a "sir" to you?
Evelyn Salt: From head to toe. I'm surprised he didn't call you "Your Majesty".
Ted Winter: I like the ring of that. I think I'd prefer "Your Majesty".
Peabody: I'd say she's a trained goddamn liar, and everything she's said up until now has been to protect her cover.
Ted Winter: Why don't you tell me how you really feel about it.
Shnaider: [setting off security wand] Shrapnel. A Serbian landmine. They've spent more time looking at it than the doctor did.
Peabody: How many more like you are there?
Evelyn Salt: Like me? None. Like him? More than you or I can handle alone.
Peabody: If I did believed you, and I'm not saying for a second that I do. But if I did, nobody else would.
Evelyn Salt: Well, maybe you can think of a way around that.
Peabody: [commanding helicopter] Circle back! Circle back!
Ted Winter: That's her. That's Evelyn Salt. Give me your sidearm. I'm qualified on it.
President's Secret Service Agent: No. Sorry, only secret service possess firearms in the President's vicinity.
Ted Winter: Screw protocol, Jinks. We got an enemy agent out there.
President's Secret Service Agent: Protocol's protocol, sir.
[Winter takes his firearm]
Ted Winter: And dead
Ted Winter: is dead.
National Security Advisor: I'm a National Security advisor!
[kills him; only the President is left]
Ted Winter: Not anymore.
[pointing gun at President]
Ted Winter: Sit down.
U.S. President Lewis: Who are you?
Ted Winter: My name, Mr. President, is Nikolia Tarkovsky, and unless you do exactly as I say, I'm the last person you will ever see.
Ted Winter: Any chance she could follow?
President's Secret Service Agent: My own men couldn't get through that door once it's closed.
Ted Winter: Yeah, well, unfortunately, she isn't one of your men.
Ted Winter: At least I was right. I had a feeling we'd lost you back there in North Korea. I could see how moved you were by Mike's little white-knight routine. You were supposed to recruit him, Ev, not fall in love with him. That's why I told Orlov to pick him up. By the way, how is Mike?
Evelyn Salt: Orlov is dead.
Ted Winter: Well, that's good news. Saved me the trouble. I had to practically twist his arm to get him blow your cover at the CIA. You see, he wanted you to come out of this alive.
Evelyn Salt: But you needed somebody to take the blame. I'm the patsy.
Ted Winter: And I'm the hero. Congratulations, Ev. You're about to become famous.