The Thick of It (TV Series)

The Rise of the Nutters (2007)

Will Smith: Phil Smith

Quotes 

• Peter Mannion : Have I shaved properly? It's just that we're having the bathroom done and I was in the kitchen this morning, using the kettle as a mirror.

  Phil Smith : No, very smooth. Was it a chrome kettle, then?

  Peter Mannion : You've been watching CSI again, haven't you?

• Peter Mannion : I'm modern! I say 'black' instead of 'colored', I think women are a good thing, I have no problem with gays, most of them are very well turned out, especially the men. Why is it this last year I'm being made to feel as if I'm always two steps behind, like I can't program a video or convert everything back to old money? Because that's not me!

  Phil Smith : You still got a video?

• Phil Smith : [Emma comes back from the meeting with her party leader]  Had fun there?

  Emma Messinger : Yeah, useful.

  Phil Smith : Playing with the big boys?

  Emma Messinger : Yeah, and now I'm back with the little boys, ah?

  Phil Smith : No.

• Peter Mannion : How is my blog? My own personal blog, personally written by me?

  [all reading the blog] 

  Phil Smith : There we go. Yesterday you liked the leader's speach, it was bold, corageous and sent up the right signals. And you had fruit for lunch.

  Peter Mannion : Oh, I write very well. What's the feedback like? Let's see that.

  Phil Smith : Open this page here. Here we go.

  Peter Mannion : [reading]  "I don't trust you, you Cypriot crook". Cypriot? This is the shit room! You've opened the shit room door. "How're the maintenance payment going on, you bastard?" Christ, that was 12 years ago!

  Phil Smith : I haven't seen that one...

  Peter Mannion : [reading]  "Adulterous Nazi!"

  Phil Smith : Or that one.

  Emma Messinger : That's actually, I think, the same one.

  Peter Mannion : This is the trouble with the public, they're fucking horrible!

  Emma Messinger : Peter, you can't say the public are fucking horrible.

  Peter Mannion : Yes I can, I've met them.

  [reading] 

  Peter Mannion : "You've always got such a pained expression. Do you take it up the chutney?" Really? I mean, for God's sake...

  Emma Messinger : The chutney?

  Peter Mannion : It's up the arse.

• Phil Smith : [complaining about Ollie being in their flat]  Why the fuck do you keep inviting him round here?

  Emma Messinger : Why, are you a bit jealous?

  Phil Smith : What, of the man from the Mister Muscle adverts? I just think it's just unreasonable that I have to watch what I say in my own flat! You could at least give me warning when he's coming round or something.

  Emma Messinger : I'll tell you what, we can put a sex-grid on the fridge, so that you can have dates and stuff. I'll put an A-4 piece of paper for me up and then you could have a half a post-it note. You could share with Affers, maybe.

  Phil Smith : Yeah, I'll have to write very small, though. I've slept with 3 women in...

  Oliver Reeder : Your life?

  Phil Smith : Yes.

• Peter Mannion : [on the phone]  Phil. Have you seen my blog?

  Phil Smith : Yeah.

  Peter Mannion : I thought you said nobody reads this things, except political obsessives and mad Christians in wheelchairs but loads of people read mine, because there's a shitload of new obuse on that feedback thing.

  Phil Smith : Yeah, I mean, you read the thing about you being a Holocaust denyer.

  Peter Mannion : Yeah, and the thing about cats!