Reporter: [narrating] Dateline, Valentines day, Chisleton. It began like any other ordinary day in Chisleton, with little granny Smith out playing a keen game of football as usual.
Baroness Glutt: [looking at her daughter] Oh, there's got to be someone out there who'll love that face. Surely?
Noodles: Lifting this lot will be no problem.
The Scunner Campbell: Aye, but on the other hand, who's gonna wanna buy a load of paintings of black puddings?
Tub: [the Scunner has decided to marry Lady Valerie] But you can't uncle!
Noodles: I mean she's horrible, Boss. Not to mention extremely boring.
The Scunner Campbell: So are most women after a while anyway. No, this one is definitely...
Noodles: You're not serious, boss?
The Scunner Campbell: Lady Valerie is everything a man could ever want.
Tub: Yeah, wrinkles and moustache.
Supergran: Blinking Battleships, what's going on? Bagpipes at this time o' night?
Noodles: [about Lady Valerie] If that's what she eats when she ain't hungry, I wonder what she eats when she is?
The Scunner Campbell: I think I shall spend my honeymoon in the Chisleton bank. Counting her money.
Reporter: [narrating] But also out on that fateful morning was Supergranny Smith, determined to save the Glutt girl from a terrible fate, with the aid of Inventor Black's latest, greatest invention.