- Reporter: [narrating] Dateline, Valentines day, Chisleton. It began like any other ordinary day in Chisleton, with little granny Smith out playing a keen game of football as usual.
- Baroness Glutt: [looking at her daughter] Oh, there's got to be someone out there who'll love that face. Surely?
- Noodles: Lifting this lot will be no problem.
- The Scunner Campbell: Aye, but on the other hand, who's gonna wanna buy a load of paintings of black puddings?
- Tub: [the Scunner has decided to marry Lady Valerie] But you can't uncle!
- Noodles: I mean she's horrible, Boss. Not to mention extremely boring.
- [laughs]
- The Scunner Campbell: So are most women after a while anyway. No, this one is definitely...
- Noodles: You're not serious, boss?
- The Scunner Campbell: Lady Valerie is everything a man could ever want.
- Tub: Yeah, wrinkles and moustache.
- [giggles]
- Noodles: [about Lady Valerie] If that's what she eats when she ain't hungry, I wonder what she eats when she is?
- Reporter: [narrating] But also out on that fateful morning was Supergranny Smith, determined to save the Glutt girl from a terrible fate, with the aid of Inventor Black's latest, greatest invention.
- Supergran: I've got my own wee castle, right here in Chistleton. And though It may not be grand, it suits me fine.