Dr. Kelso: I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told my new gardener; no way, Jose. His name is actually Jose, that's why I hired him
Chad Miller: You remember Kristin Fisher?
J.D.: Of course, she turned me down for homecoming and prom even though I didn't ask her to either one
Dr. Perry Cox: OK, I made you breakfast, the kitchen's as clean as a whistle, I'm gonna drop Jack off at daycare on the way to work. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Jordan Sullivan: I need you to go to the video store and get me anything with Viggo Something-sen; I need white chocolate, strawberry seltzer, peppercorn brie and a Polaroid of the tomato plant that I planted last spring because I'm worried it may have snails; oh, and if you see that neighbor Lena, from down the hall, I want you to roll your eyes and say the word "slut" under your breath, but loud enough so she can hear; and don't forget to be home by 6:30 because you gotta give Jack his bath before you make my dinner.
Dr. Perry Cox: But when will I have time to kill myself?
Jordan Sullivan: That's not my problem!...
Heather: [recorded on tape, to Isabella] What's the matter? You're so fussy... Why are you so fussy?
Ted Buckland: I'd let her give me a bath, I don't care if my mom was watching...
Dr. Todd Quinlan: Could you make her eat a banana?
J.D.: It's not interactive, Todd.
Heather: [recorded on tape] There it is! There it is, let me...
Nurse Carla Espinosa: [entering] Hey baby! What are you guys watching?
Dr. Christopher Turk: [pausing the tape] Football.
everyone: Yeah, football... yeah... good game...
[Carla turns around to the TV; Turk stops the tape]
Nurse Carla Espinosa: Football? Isn't the season over?
J.D.: [narrating] And then every male in the room fell totally in sync, resulting in the rarest of all phenomenon: the seamless, collaborative guy-lie
Keith: The American season is over. We were watching Mexican football.
Dr. Doug Murphy: They started late this year.
Dr. Todd Quinlan: Because of the churro vendors.
Ted Buckland: They went on strike and the players wouldn't cross the picket line.
J.D.: When the dispute turned violent, they called in Rodrigo Vasquez, the owner of the Baja Bandidos, to step in.
Dr. Kelso: Thanks to Señor Vasquez's experience dealing with the fruit-pickers' unions, he was able to broker a last-minute deal, and the season was salvaged.
Dr. Christopher Turk: And that's why we're watching football in the spring.
Nurse Carla Espinosa: Whatever...