Roy Clark: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Junior Samples : I'm in terrible financial trouble and I don't have any idea what I'm going to do.

  Roy Clark : That's a relief, I thought for a minute you'd get the idea to ask for it from me.

• Teacher : Which is farther away, England or the moon?

  Student : England.

  Teacher : Why England?

  Student : Because I can see the moon but I can't see England.

• Roy Clark : [gazing wide-eyed at the camera with a huge impish grin]  Y'know - - this here storekeeper is pretty stupid! I think I'll just pawn off one of these counterfeit eighteen-dollar bills on him!

  [turns back and steps up to the counter] 

  Roy Clark : Sam - - can ya change this $18 bill for me?

  Sam the storekeeper : [casually good-natured]  Eighteen dollar bill - - let's see...

  [opens the cash-drawer with a loud ding] 

  Sam the storekeeper : How d'ye like it - - TWO NINES or THREE SIXES?

  Roy Clark : [turns back to the camera with a "Gulp! THAT wasn't what I'd expected to hear!" expression]