3.5/10
234
3 user 12 critic

Splatter Beach (2007)

Not Rated | | Horror | Video 9 October 2007
Something ancient lurks in the surf off Sea Bright Beach. It swims silently, can breathe air and walks upright. It's also very, very hungry and not for seafood anymore. Tonya, Rodney and ... See full summary »

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
Tess Gardner
...
Tonya Smith
Dave Fife ...
Rupert Pine
...
Rodney Spinner
Ken Van Sant ...
Duke
John Polonia ...
Johnson the Fisherman
Marty Manglaze ...
The Creature
Brian Berry
Amanda Kerr ...
Female Victim
Scott Clemens
Leslie Culton ...
Shower Girl
...
Beach Dancer
Allen Tyrone Brown ...
Beach Dancer (as Tyrone Brown)
Elisa Gouveia ...
Beach Dancer
Callie Burke ...
Beach Dancer

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Storyline

Something ancient lurks in the surf off Sea Bright Beach. It swims silently, can breathe air and walks upright. It's also very, very hungry and not for seafood anymore. Tonya, Rodney and Rupert are out-of-towners joining a crowd of young people gathered on the beach for an all-weekend music marathon. Even after several townspeople are torn apart and devoured by the humanoid creatures, the partygoers remain oblivious to the horror that has risen up from the sea. They dismiss local girl Tess as a weirdo and refuse to heed her cries and warnings that monsters roam the beach, hunting for human flesh and that hundreds of buried egg sacks are ready to hatch at any moment. Written by Jeffrey Faoro

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Date. Mate. Mutilate.

Genres:

Horror

Certificate:

Not Rated

Parents Guide:

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Details

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Release Date:

9 October 2007 (USA)  »

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Technical Specs

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Aspect Ratio:

1.33 : 1
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Did You Know?

Trivia

In the film, Rodney Spinner (played by Brice Kennedy) wears a #27 West Virginia University basketball jersey. This was an intentional nod to WVU where Brice attended college. He also wore the number 27 when he played community league basketball growing up. See more »


Soundtracks

Splatter Beach
Written and Performed by Jon McBride
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User Reviews

 
Hopefully, this is the Polonias' last comedy
15 June 2011 | by (United States) – See all my reviews

This is one of John Polonia's last movies and possibly one of his worst. Although it's not completely boring like Razorteeth or The House that Screamed, the sheer amount of forced comedy in this one makes it hard to put up with at times. It has nothing to do with Splatter Farm, which is probably a better film. This is supposed to be a comedic tribute to the beach monster movies of the 1960s. However, comedy is the thing that the Polonia brothers do the worst.

This film has the standard Polonia plot of " a man in a homemade monster suit shows up in Pennsylvania and kills a few people whom the directors know". However, because this is a comedy, expect the characters to talk about homosexuality, sexual acts, farting, lesbianism, Hercules movies, homosexuality, and farting Hercules before they die. The comedic height of the film is when a character chooses to become a lesbian. We're seriously supposed to laugh at this.

Most of the rest of the film consists of padding. Dave Fife walks back and forth along a beach and has to put up with the obnoxiously unfunny and uninteresting characters of Brice Kennedy and his girlfriend while being accused of homosexuality by Ken Van Sant. Harder to sit through, however, are the drawn out sequences featuring poorly edited teenage girls dancing to a garage band playing an extremely repetitive song. Don't watch this movie unless you are determined to see the entire filmography of John Polonia or Dave Fife. Despite this, the bonus film on the disc, Hallucinations, is the best Polonia Brothers film I have ever seen. It was made when the two were teenagers and still gave a crap.


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