AUTO: [Auto has just shown the Captain directive A-113, which is a message not to return to Earth due to rising toxicity levels making life unsustainable] Now, the plant.
Captain: No wait a minute, Computer when was the message sent out to the Axiom?
Ship's Computer: Message received in the year 2110.
Captain: That's... That's nearly 700 years ago! Auto, things have changed. We've gotta go back.
AUTO: Sir, orders are do not return to Earth.
Captain: But life is sustainable now. Look at this plant. Green and growing. It's living proof he was wrong.
AUTO: Irrelevant, Captain.
Captain: What? It's completely relevant.
[moves toward the window]
Captain: Out there is our home. *HOME*, Auto. And it's in trouble. I can't just sit here and-and-do nothing.
[moves back toward Auto]
Captain: That's all I've ever done! That's all anyone on this blasted ship has ever done. Nothing!
AUTO: On the Axiom, you will survive.
Captain: I don't want to survive. I want to live.
AUTO: Must follow my directive.
Captain: [groans in frustration, then turns around and notices that Auto is looming closer in the portraits of his predecessors. AUTO looms close behind him making him tighten his cap] I'm the captain of the Axiom. We are going home *today*.
[Auto advances toward him threateningly, causing the Captain to flinch]
EVE: [EVE repeats "Directive" in multiple languages, ending with... ] Directive?
[WALL-E demonstrates his trash-compacting function]
EVE: [Eve turns away, sharply] Classified.
Captain: [Standing in front of a hologram of the plant from EVE's camera] Haha! Look what I got, AUTO!
AUTO: Not possible.
Captain: [chuckles] That's right, the plant. Oh, you want it? Come and get it, blinky.
WALL.E: [attempting to pronounce it] Eeee...
WALL.E: Eeeee... aah.
EVE: "EVE"! "EVE"!
WALL.E: Eeeee... va?
Ship's Computer: Caution: Rogue robots. Caution...
WALL.E: Oh, EVA.
[points at screen with them on it, EVE fires a laser blast at the screen, destroying it]
[folds up inside himself]
Ship's Computer: Voice confirmation required.
Ship's Computer: [after the "uhh" echoes] Accepted.
WALL.E: [M-O has finished cleaning a severely damaged WALL-E, who strains to give a handshake] WALL-E.
MO: [M-O scrubs WALL-E's hand, then shakes it] M-O.
[M-O reverts to his box form]
WALL.E: [pause] M-O?
WALL.E: [another pause] M-O.
Captain: This is called farming! You kids are gonna grow all kinds of plants! Vegetable plants, pizza plants.
Captain: Oh, it's good to be home!
Mary: [Mary is looking at the stars outside the Axiom while other passengers pass idly by] Oh! So many stars! Ah.
[she sees WALL-E and EVE flying around outside]
Mary: Oh! Hey! That's what's-his-name!
[backs up, bumps into John]
John: Hey! What the-?
Mary: Look! Look, look, look!
[she shuts off his chair and screen, making him aware of his surroundings]
John: Huh? What?
[sees WALL-E and EVE]
John: Hey... I know that guy! It's uh, uh... WALL-E! That's it! Hey - WALL-E! It's your buddy John!
Mary: [simultaneously] Hey! Hi, WALL-E!
[John casually puts his right hand upon Mary's]
John: [looks down, somewhat surprised; looks up at Mary, smiles] Hi.
Mary: [smiles] Hi.
Captain: Wait, that doesn't look like Earth. Where's the blue sky? Where's the-the grass?
WALL.E: [showing EVE bubble-wrap and popping a bubble] Pop!
[points to EVE]
WALL.E: You pop!
Voice in commercial: Too much garbage in your face? There's plenty of space out in space! BnL StarLiners leaving each day. We'll clean up the mess while you're away.
Mary: [a group of youngsters rolls on the floor of the leaning ship toward where their arms stretch out as a barrier beyond the other fallen passengers] John, get ready to have some kids!
Teacher Robot: A is for Axiom, your home sweet home. B is for Buy N Large, your very best friend.
Voice in commercial: [a commercial appears as a hologram when WALL-E passes nearby] The jewel of BnL fleet; The Axiom! Spend your five year cruise in style: Maided on 24 hours a day by our fully automated crew, while your captain and autopilot chart a course for non-stop entertainment, fine dining; And with our all-access hoverchairs, even grandma can join the fun! There's no need to walk! The Axiom - Putting the "star" in executive StarLiner!
Shelby Forthright, BnL CEO: [appears on the screen] Because at BnL, space is the final "FUN-tier"!
Captain: 12:30? AUTO, why didn't you wake me for morning announcements? Honestly, it's the one thing I get to do on this ship.
[Resets the ship back to morning]
Captain: Well, good morning, everybody, and welcome to day 255,642 aboard the Axiom. As always, the weather is a balmy 72 degrees and sunny, and, uh... Oh, I see the ship's log is showing that today is the 700th anniversary of our five year cruise. Well, I'm sure our forefathers would be proud to know that 700 years later we'd be... doing the exact same thing they were doing. So, be sure next mealtime to ask for your free sep-tua-centennial cupcake in a cup. Wow, look at that.
Captain: Define "hoe-down".
Ship's Computer: Hoe-down: A social gathering at which lively dancing would take place.
Captain: [AUTO appears near the captain] AUTO! Earth is amazing! These are called "farms". Humans would put seeds in the ground, pour water on them, and they grow food - like, pizza!
AUTO: [shuts off information display] Good night, Captain.
[starts to move away from workstation, but stops and turns around slightly]
Captain: Psst - Computer, define "dancing".
Ship's Computer: [WALL-E and EVE are seen outside a window in space, flying around] Dancing: A series of movements involving two partners, where speed and rhythm match harmoniously with music.
[camera cuts to outside the Axiom, and WALL-E and EVE continue to "dance"]
Captain: AUTO, you are relieved of duty!
[strains up and switches AUTO to "manual"]
WALL.E: [to John] WALL-E.
John: Uh, John.
John: Uh, no, John.
MO's computer: Foreign contaminant!
Mary: [Introducing herself] Mary.
WALL.E: [Points to EVE] EE-va?
Mary: Oh, yes, of course. Excuse me.
[Backs herself out of the way so WALL-E can ride with EVE, the shuttle stops and Mary disembarks with a gasp]
Mary: I-I didn't know we had a pool!
Ship's Computer: [advertising bodysuits] Try blue, it's the new red!
Shelby Forthright, BnL CEO: [Shelby appears onscreen in an old classified recorded message] Hey there, autopilots. Got some bad news. Um... Operation Cleanup has, well uh, failed. Wouldn't you know, rising toxicity levels have made life unsustainable on Earth.
Captain: [to himself, looking at healthy plant] Unsustainable? What?
Shelby Forthright, BnL CEO: Darn it all, we're gonna have to cancel Operation Recolonize. So uh, just stay the course, um... Rather than try and fix this problem, it'll just be easier for everyone to remain in space.
Shelby's advisor: Mr. President, sir. Sir! Time to go.
Shelby Forthright, BnL CEO: [overlapping] Uh, I think - huh? Okay, I'm giving override, uh, Directive A113. Go to full autopilot. Take control of everything, and do not return to Earth. I repeat, do not return to Earth.
[puts on his gas mask and starts to leave]
Shelby Forthright, BnL CEO: Let's get the heck outta here.
MO's computer: [after scanning Wall-E screen says 100%] Foreign contaminant!
MO: Huh? Whoa-whoa-whoa whoa whoa!
John: [WALL-E is looking for EVE and bumps into John, turning off his display] What-what the?
WALL.E: [Introducing himself] WALL-E!
John: Uhh... John...
John: [Confused] No? John.
Captain: [Auto has confined him to his quarters] Stupid wheel!