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Credited cast:
Gina Mond ...
Gina / Amber
...
Vinny
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Alexis Amore
Emmanuel Delcour ...
(as Jean Valjean)
Philip Mond
Mckenzie Rose
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2006 (USA)  »

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Pretentious pornographer poops out
4 April 2011 | by (New York, New York) – See all my reviews

Watching INSEXTS I thought of James Cameron's AVATAR, only because both films share a fondness for outré design and colorful distortion of the humanoid form. This interminably tedious farrago was director Philip Mond's Waterloo.

Cameron, probably "the luckiest man in the world" rather than his self-proclaimed king status, took a decade to followup cinema's most monetarily successful release TITANIC with the blockbuster AVATAR. Forgetting about his fans and critics, it's really all about the money.

But the same year TITANIC conquered the world, Mond's pretentious ZAZEL conquered the porn world. I recently watched it, including a touted but brief trailer for the nonexistent ZAZEL 2, and though there are a few inspired moments (e.g., a painted vagina coming to life) this overrated trash is typical of what pseudo-intellectuals prefer in porn: MOS with flashy visuals (see the collected work of Nick Millard who pioneered in this fake genre over 40 years ago).

The zero reaction in IMDb reflects the thud registered when Mond belatedly followed up ZAZEL with INSEXTS, released by the ClubJenna label of superstar Jenna Jameson, who personally has nothing to do with the results on screen. Maybe if she had shown up it would have been watchable.

After suffering through 161 minutes (its length much-touted in the video's marketing) of this Mond(o) garbage, I could only conclude that the success of ZAZEL left our auteur in a quandary: how do I top this? So we have the fabulously overdone costumes, wigs and sexual accoutrements, but instead of the show-stopping natural beauty of ZAZEL's outdoor settings, Mond went quickie, and filmed in abstract sets that hark back all the way to those "exercise is sexy" abstract no-backgrounds cable TV shows of 20 years back by Ron What's-his-name.

Taking a "how can I make beautiful women look ugly" stance, Mond uses mainly "Bs" as his motifs: bees, butterflies, beetles and bikes. After a pointless "realistic" intro sequence of bored Gina (Gina Mond, presumably Mr. Mond's missus) masturbating and sending her assistant Amber (Gina Mond, different wig for a dual role) to hire a flashy photographer (Nick Manning, the Jean-Claude Van Damme of porn) to work for her for a tidy $100,000.

Manning turns Amber down flat (pun intended), but inexplicably his studio suddenly dissolves into a 2-hour depiction of what he MIGHT have directed had he taken the bait. We have to watch relentlessly dull, pointless and repetitious vignettes of very-fake-silicone models (including Gina, Gina and more Gina) wearing fetish gear and well-designed and fabricated bee's heads or dragonfly wings or other ugly paraphernalia. At best they resemble the silly get-ups worn by Victoria's Secret "angels" models for their annual CBS TV special/fashion show, but generally they are a major turn-off.

Inexplicably Mond varies this format just a wee bit by having his models pose with bicycles, outfitted with huge dildos emanating from the seat or wheel rim. These dildos are used for Gina and pals to masturbate or engage in mechanical lesbian sex, again anti-erotic unless one shares one of Mond's peculiar fetishes. I guess Cameron's secret is that his own pet interests managed to coincide with that of hundreds of millions of ticket buyers out there. Mond is not so lucky.

At the two-hour mark, Mond hits us with a series of money shots as the token guys (essentially big dicks for hire) belatedly shoot their wads for our listening pleasure. Note: the synth soundtrack music is even more boring than the monotonous visuals.

Film's final couple of reels are back to reality with Amber humping Manning and bringing back a load of 35MM stills shot by him for Gina's approval. At this point we have to witness the ego-trip of ego-trips, Mond showing up on screen and whipping out his own dick to hump Gina himself. It's about as exciting as when Murrill Maglio used to do-it-himself with his superstar meal ticket Teri Weigel. Auteur, go home!

Now a naturalist might be intrigued by these visual studies of flora (ZAZEL) and insects, but a porn naturalist will be angry at the absence of natural-looking women in INSEXTS. Star of ZAZEL was an impressive natural beauty Sasha Vinni, but this followup is silicone start to finish.

In the supporting cast Alexis Amore, Tory Lane and Jenaveve Jolie provide ample (too-ample?) sexiness for the top-heavy aficionados, while Miss Gina has that fake-fake Kitten Natividad look up front that I've always disliked. If pouty lips won Golden Globes awards (they probably do -look at Pia Zadora), Gina would be nominated.

I'm torn whether to complete the Mond trilogy with SINEMA, another overly touted entry (see its mention by the IMDb porn fan from Belgium) that fortunately is unavailable. Thank goodness!


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