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"30 Rock" The C Word (TV Episode 2007) Poster

(TV Series)

(2007)

Quotes

Ted: Pleasure to have met you.

Tracy Jordan: Damn straight. I'm delightful!

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Jack Donaghy: God, this is like dating Katie Couric all over again.

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Tracy Jordan: I don't have a daughter.

Jack Donaghy: [puts his arm around Tracy] Let's have casting session on Monday.

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Tracy Jordan: [knocks on Jack's door]

Jack Donaghy: Come on in, Tracy.

Tracy Jordan: Yo, is this about that little redheaded intern? 'Cause she *asked* me to take it out.

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Liz Lemon: [bursts into Jack's office] Oh, hey - false alarm! It turns out she *asked* him to take it out.

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Jack Donaghy: Liz, all the VPs will be angling to golf with Don Geiss, but my partner will be Tracy Jordan, his grandchildren's favorite movie star. Geiss will absolutely choose us, and that's a big deal because being in a foursome with this man can change your life.

Liz Lemon: You might want to rephrase that.

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Kenneth Parcell: I just don't want to disgrace the peacock.

Pete Hornberger: Oh, Kenneth. If you're worried about disgracing the National Broadcasting Company, you're too late.

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Kenneth Parcell: Doggone it, Grace; I just don't know myself around you.

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Kenneth Parcell: Hello, gentlemen. Welcome to the 9th Annual Cure Diabetes Now Golf Tournament.

Jack Donaghy: Has Don Geiss arrived yet?

Kenneth Parcell: No, sir, but if you'd like, we could work out a signal so I could let you know when he does arrive, like...

[coos like a bird]

Jack Donaghy: That won't be necessary.

Kenneth Parcell: [quietly] I'll probably just do it anyway.

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[Liz comes upon Greta's box of kittens]

Liz Lemon: [excitedly] Look at these guys!

Greta Johanssen: Yeah, they like you! They're very good at sensing debilitating loneliness in a person.

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Liz Lemon: We need to fire Lutz.

Pete Hornberger: What? Why? What happened?

Liz Lemon: He called me the worst name ever.

Frank Rossitano: What did he call you?

Liz Lemon: I'm not gonna repeat it. That's how much I hate it.

Pete Hornberger: Fat can?

Liz Lemon: No.

Frank Rossitano: Mouth hooker?

Liz Lemon: No.

Frank Rossitano: Monster bitch.

Pete Hornberger: Hatchet face.

Liz Lemon: No!

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[discussing the word Lutz called Liz]

Pete Hornberger: Well, you know, he was probably just blowing off steam. You can't fire a guy for cursing.

Liz Lemon: No, I - I'm not upset by cursing. I *love* cursing. I love it! But this word is not acceptable - no - because there's nothing you can call a guy back. There is no male equivalent to this word.

Pete Hornberger: Well, why don't we come up with one, and then you can call him that? Like, um, "muncus."

Frank Rossitano: "Fungdark."

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[discussing the word Lutz called Liz]

Liz Lemon: The one that rhymes with the name of your favorite Todd Rundgren album.

Frank Rossitano: It rhymes with "Hermit of Mink Hollow"?

Liz Lemon: No!

Pete Hornberger: Oh! Oh, boy.

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Pete Hornberger: You're just in reaction right now. You need to just take a few hours and calm down.

Liz Lemon: Don't tell me to calm down, you fungdark.

Pete Hornberger: Yeah, you're right; it doesn't work.

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Liz Lemon: [after flashbacks] Oh, my God, I am! I'm a total...

Greta Johanssen: Runt! Runt! I lost my kitten. Has anyone seen my runt?

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Don Geiss: Thank you so much for being here and supporting diabetes research.

Tracy Jordan: Hey, I feel you. Messed-up sugar runs in my family, too.

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Pete Hornberger: Oh, I get it. You're trying to be nice now 'cause of what Lutz said.

Liz Lemon: No, I'm not trying to be nice. I *am* nice. I'm a nice person, you bald, gangly -

[clears throat]

Liz Lemon: [pleasantly] I'm gonna try harder. I'm gonna try to be nice.

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Jack Donaghy: You know, Ted, Kenneth here is one of our more promising young pages. He knows everything there is to know about the business.

Kenneth Parcell: I studied TV theory at Kentucky Mountain Bible College.

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[Toofer's cell phone rings]

Toofer: Oh, oh, I'm so sorry, Liz; I'm so sorry. I thought I turned it off.

Liz Lemon: No, Toofer, take the call. Come on; this isn't Hitler's bunker. That would make me Hitler!

[everyone looks]

Liz Lemon: What? This is the new me. Do you like the new me? And before you answer, Super Balls!

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Tracy Jordan: I'm not familiar with about half the words in that sentence.

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Don Geiss: Jack, you handsome son of a gun! This guy gets younger every time I see him!

Jack Donaghy: No, you're the one.

Don Geiss: Oh, hair like a Viking! God bless you!

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Liz Lemon: Hey everybody, look! Sherlock Homo is here to solve the case of the gay sweater!

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Liz Lemon: Hey, Frank, wake up! You're not allowed to sleep through the topical meeting.

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Pete Hornberger: Okay, the van to take you up to Connecticut will be leaving at noon, and once you get up to the golf course you're be working in pairs... Okay, have fun; don't get drunk.

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Jack Donaghy: Tomorrow I'm gonna be in an intense six-hour foursome with three other men, and one of them will be Don Geiss, and he's gonna get all my attention, and you're just gonna sit back and watch.

[across the room, Kenneth coos like a bird]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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