I know what you're looking for, some sort of closure. Something to ease the pain, but closure doesn't exist. You're going to feel this in some form or another forever because that's how it feels... when you loose the love of your life. And even if you could wake up tomorrow and not feel this pain, you wouldn't really want that either. Because that hurt is the most sure reminder you have of what he truly meant to you. And that, you won't ever want to forget.