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"NCIS" Smoked (TV Episode 2006) Poster

(TV Series)

(2006)

Quotes

[last lines]

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I gotta tell you, Jethro. That was... that was...

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Mmm-hmm.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: How in God's name could we have missed that?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't think God had much to do with it, Tobias.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You know what's really got me freaked out? If her husband's body hadn't gotten hung up going down that chimney five years ago, she'd still be out there. We'd never have caught her.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I can do you one better than that.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: No. Can't top that, Jethro.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What was a toe doing in her husband's stomach?

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Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You're enjoying this, aren't you?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh, only slightly more than a lot.

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Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [referring to the case] No hard feelings Jethro?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope, just need you to look at something before you leave.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You've got that mustache in a box, don't you?

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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You know how I feel about apologies.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: It's a sign of weakness.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not among friends. I'm sorry, Ducky. I should've told you about Shannon and Kelly.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I should have told you something months ago. Welcome home, Jethro.

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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You two done playing grab-ass yet?

Officer Ziva David: Oh, he started it.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah? I'm ending it.

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Special Agent Timothy McGee: Palmer, I need a favor.

Jimmy Palmer: You wanna ride back with us.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: How'd you know.

Jimmy Palmer: [irritably] I read your book. And for your information, I've never had sexual relations with a corpse.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: That character was not based on you.

Jimmy Palmer: His name was "Pimmy Jalmer", McGee!

Special Agent Timothy McGee: He's French Polynesian.

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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [enters and notices Sacks sitting at his desk using his phone] What's wrong with this picture?

Officer Ziva David: Besides being late over two hours?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Why is the spawn of the FBI sitting at *my* desk?

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Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: He was stabbed repeatedly and fatally.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: With *what*? A safety pin?

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: As I explained, the shrinkage of the flesh is deceptive. Most likely it was an icepick or philips head screwdriver.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Somebody killed your serial killer, Fornell.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: On a Marine base! Which means it is still *our* jurisdiction!

[She tears up the order to transfer the case to the FBI]

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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Apparently McGee thinks Ziva's in love with me.

[Ziva scoffs]

Special Agent Timothy McGee: There's a reason it's called fiction, DiNozzo.

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Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: And the moral of course is...

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's never a good idea to get married.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: No, it's best not to judge someone until all the facts are in.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I like mine better.

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Officer Ziva David: What would you do if you woke up one day and realized you were married to a monster?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Happened to my father all the time, usually we just moved.

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Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I was on the team that nailed Ted Bundy, Gibbs. I know something about sick, charming bastards.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That's probably why we get along so well.

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Special Agent Timothy McGee: For the last time, Deep Six is fiction.

Officer Ziva David: Fiction based on us, yes?

Special Agent Timothy McGee: NO! Look if you don't believe me, read the disclaimer on the front of the book!

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to Ziva] You buying that, Lisa?

[Ziva laughs]

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Didn't think so.

[Tony adjusts his seatbelt]

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Nice knowing you Probie.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Ziva...

[Ziva accelerates quickly. McGee falls back]

Special Agent Timothy McGee: It's just a book!

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NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Who'd you sleep with to get this, Agent Fornell?

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Marty Pearson: I could lift a 400 pound load back in the day.

Furnace Worker: Yeah, I even remember her name, Lisa Scarpizi

Marty Pearson: She was a hell of a woman though! Eh?

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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as McGee and Abby are explaining the process they used to electronically rehydrate the mummy's head] McGee, less talk. More of the computer chip doo-dah.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Making with the doo-dah, Boss.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Doo-dah?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah. It's a technical term, Tobias.

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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [handing him the suspect's address] There you go, Fornell.

Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You're handing the case over?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No, just want you to get the search warrant for me.

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Officer Ziva David: Maybe it's about time, I just - give in.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: And by give in, you mean...?

Officer Ziva David: Letting loose. Doing what comes naturally to me.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah I thought I was picking up that vibe the first time we went undercover together.

Officer Ziva David: You were. In fact I almost did it the first night in the hotel.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Um, really?

Officer Ziva David: But my father wouldn't approve.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Because I'm not Jewish.

Officer Ziva David: Because he gets very angry when I KILL a coworker!

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Like I believed you for even a second.

Officer Ziva David: I'm sure you didn't.

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Officer Ziva David: [Talking to Ducky about his falling-out with Gibbs] You need to cut the man some slacks, Ducky.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I agree. Except the term is "slack."

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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