Memorable quotes for
Burn After Reading (2008) More at IMDbPro »

Harry Pfarrer: Go around the corner, we'll do it in the back.
Katie Cox: You're so coarse.
Harry Pfarrer: Back of the car... not the... rear-entry situation...
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CIA Officer: We'll... interface with the FBI on this dead body.
CIA Superior: No, no. God no. We don't need those idiots fucking everything up. Burn the body. Get rid of it.
CIA Officer: OK.
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[repeated line]
Harry Pfarrer: Well, hello!
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[repeated line]
Chad Feldheimer: [excited] Oh, my God!
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Harry Pfarrer: Ya wanna come downstairs? Ya like surprises?
Linda Litzke: [cheerful] Well, I'm always open to new experiences.
Harry Pfarrer: [walking downstairs] Yeah, I tell ya. I saw an ad for this in a gentlemen's magazine. Twelve hundred bucks. I'm lookin' at this thing and I think, 'You gotta be kiddin' me.' I'm a hobbyist. Thing's basically nothing but speed rails. I figure I'd go down to Home Depot and whip this up myself for... a hundred bucks.
Linda Litzke: What is it?
Harry Pfarrer: What is it?
[pats the seat of the mechanism]
Harry Pfarrer: You sit down there, make yourself comfortable, put your feet in the stirrups, and...
[cycles the mechanism]
Linda Litzke: Oh my God.
[awed whisper]
Linda Litzke: That's fantastic.
Harry Pfarrer: It's something, isn't it? Hundred bucks, all in - not counting my labor, and the... cost of the dildo. Those things aren't cheap. See, I'd like to...
[pause]
Harry Pfarrer: ...I'm not set up to mold hard rubber.
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[repeated line]
Osbourne Cox: What the fuck...?
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Harry Pfarrer: Oh my fuck... I just killed a fucking spook!
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Osbourne Cox: Give me the CD!
Chad Feldheimer: As soon as you give us the money, dickwad!
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Chad Feldheimer: Appearances can be... deceptive.
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Linda Litzke: I'm really looking for a guy with a sense of humor.
Chad Feldheimer: That guy, wait, that guy wasn't bad.
Linda Litzke: Him?
Chad Feldheimer: No before.
Linda Litzke: Him?
Chad Feldheimer: Umm, he might not be a loser...
Linda Litzke: How can you tell?
Chad Feldheimer: That's a Brioni suit.
Linda Litzke: Yeah?
Chad Feldheimer: Shit yeah!
Linda Litzke: Does he look like he would have a sense of humor?
Chad Feldheimer: Looks like his optometrist has a sense of humor.
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Osbourne Cox: No. No, I'm sorry, I don't know the number to, uh, my savings account because believe it or not I don't spend my entire day sitting around trying to memorize the fucking numbers to my fucking bank accounts! Moron!
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[repeated line]
Chad Feldheimer: [raspy voice] Osbourne Cox?
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Chad Feldheimer: Osbourne Cox?
Osbourne Cox: Yes, this is Osbourne Cox, who the FUCK are YOU?
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Chad Feldheimer: [on the phone] Osbourne Cox? I thought you might be worried... about the security... of your shit.
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CIA Superior: Report back to me when it makes sense.
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Osbourne Cox: [on phone] Tell Dr. Cox I have the new keys!
[Osbourne hangs up, and picks up a hatchet]
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Harry Pfarrer: Who the fuck do you work for, you fucker?
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[after having found a CD they believe contains files of the CIA]
Linda Litzke: You should put up a note in the ladies locker room.
Chad Feldheimer: Put up a note? "Highly classified shit found: Signal intelligence shit, CIA shit?" Hello, anybody lose their secret CIA shit? I don't think so!
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Osbourne Cox: I have a drinking problem? Fuck you, Peck, you're a Mormon. Compared to you we ALL have a drinking problem!
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Harry Pfarrer: Maybe I can get a run in.
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Chad Feldheimer: Manolo, you DIDN'T find this.
Manolo: I found it on the floor there.
Chad Feldheimer: Yeah, I know. But...
Manolo: Right there on the floor there. Just lying there.
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Krapotkin: This is Mr Krapotkin from the Russian embassy.
Linda Litzke: Mr Crapkin...
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Osbourne Cox: And you're my wife's lover?
Ted Treffon: [shaking his head] No.
Osbourne Cox: Then what are you doing here?
[pause]
Osbourne Cox: I know you. You're the guy from the gym.
Ted Treffon: I'm not here representing HardBodies.
Osbourne Cox: Oh, yes. I know very well what you represent.
[pause]
Osbourne Cox: You represent the idiocy of today.
Ted Treffon: No, I don't represent that either.
Osbourne Cox: Yeah. You're the guy at the gym when I asked about that moronic woman.
Ted Treffon: She's not a moron.
Osbourne Cox: You're in league with that moronic woman. You are part of a league of morons.
Ted Treffon: No. No.
Osbourne Cox: Oh, yes. You see, you're one of the morons I've been fighting my whole life. My whole fucking life. But guess what... Today, I win.
[gun shot]
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[last lines]
CIA Superior: What did we learn, Palmer?
CIA Officer: I don't know, sir.
CIA Superior: I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
CIA Officer: Yes, sir.
CIA Superior: I'm fucked if I know what we did.
CIA Officer: Yes, sir, it's, uh, hard to say
CIA Superior: Jesus Fucking Christ.
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Osbourne Cox: If you ever carried out your proposed threat you would experience such a shitstorm of consequences my friend your empty little head would be spinning faster than the wheels of your Schwinn bicycle back there.
Chad Feldheimer: Y-you think that's a Schwinn?
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Krapotkin: [think a few seconds] PC or MAC?
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Star of "Coming Up Daisy": [repeated line from the movie within the movie] we've been over, and over, and over this, first you say you can't commit, and then... would you come down from there?
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Chad Feldheimer: And
[takes a piece of paper out of his pocket]
Chad Feldheimer: I got his number! I got his number!
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CIA Superior: The Russians?
CIA Officer: Mmm-hmm.
CIA Superior: The Russians?
CIA Officer: Mmm-hmm, Russian Embassy.
CIA Superior: Are you sure?
CIA Officer: Hey, the guy was not hard to follow, as you know.
CIA Superior: Why the fuck would they go to the Russians? Why the fuck?
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Katie Cox: Do you think that's enough carrots?
Harry Pfarrer: What?
Katie Cox: For the salad?
Harry Pfarrer: You know you really are a negative person.
Katie Cox: What?
Harry Pfarrer: Yeah. I've tried to ignore it. To remain upbeat. You just can't help dragging everything down.
Katie Cox: Harry, stop the foolishness and behave. You're not talking to one of your *shithole* buddies.
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Palmer DeBakey Smith, CIA Officer: [first lines - greeting his arrival] Ozzie, come on in.
Osbourne Cox: Palmer, what's up?
Palmer DeBakey Smith, CIA Officer: Uh, you know, uh, Peck and Olson?
Osbourne Cox: Peck yes, hi ya...
Palmer DeBakey Smith, CIA Officer: Olson by reputation.
Osbourne Cox: [to Olson] I'm Osbourne Cox.
Olson: Yeah, I, mmm...
Osbourne Cox: Aren't you with...
Palmer DeBakey Smith, CIA Officer: Ya, that's right. Have a seat.
Palmer DeBakey Smith, CIA Officer: Look Oz, look, there's no easy way to say this: We're taking you off the Balkans Desk.
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Osbourne Cox: Some clown, or two clowns, have gotten a hold of my memoirs.
Katie Cox: Your what?
Osbourne Cox: Stolen it, or I don't know...
Katie Cox: Your what?
Osbourne Cox: My memoirs, the book I'm writing.
Katie Cox: Well why in God's name would anyone think that's worth anything?
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Ted Treffon: Linda, what do you really know about this guy?
Linda Litzke: I told you, he's in the Treasury Department.
Ted Treffon: But eh, no, I mean, you know... he could be one of these guys that cruises the Internet.
Linda Litzke: Yeah, so am I...
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Russian Embassy Adviser: Madam, you are mistaken. I'm Assistant Cultural Attaché. The organs of State Security are not allowed to function within the borders of your country.
Linda Litzke: Organs?
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Harry Pfarrer: You work for Tuchman Marsh?
Tuchman Marsh Man: Yes.
Harry Pfarrer: Is that a law firm?
Tuchman Marsh Man: No, a rock band - yes it's a law firm...
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Harry Pfarrer: [Looks at floor] What is this? Pine?
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