The movie opens with Brand Hauser (John Cusack) in Iqaluit, Northern Canada. He enters a bar where some German gentlemen are chatting. He asks for a shot glass, fills it with hot sauce, and throws it back in one gulp. His synapses start firing as he pulls out a gun and shoots each of the Germans. He takes a photo of one of the gentlemen, sends it off, and disposes of the cell phone.
Cut to a jet aircraft. Hauser is the only person on board, but he is regularly chatting with the GuideStar voice. Though it is helping with navigation, it also is providing psychiatric advice.
On the flight, he chats with the former Vice President (Dan Ackroyd). The VP is sitting on the toilet throughout the video call. Hauser is instructed to fly to Turaqistan, where the VP's company, Tamerlane, is engaged in the first war to be entirely outsourced. His mission is to assasinate the Oil Minister, Omar Sherif (Lyubomir Neikov). He is to be hit because he is insisting that Turaqistan build a cross country pipeline on their own, shunning a bid from Tamerlane. For cover, he is to act as the Chair of a Tamerlane Trade Mission, which is holding a trade fair within the Green Zone (the Emerald City) of the Turaqustan capital. A highlight of the fair will be the marriage of pop star Yonica Babyyeah (Hilary Duff) to the son of the Emerit.
Hauser arrives, and meets his contact, Marsha Dillon (Joan Cusack).
Tanks with sponsor decals, city is a mess, lots of bombs & explosions in various marketplaces.
Please help fill this in! Various shots of hot sauce, flashbacks to a row with his CIA boss.
Reporter Natalie Hegalhuzen (Marisa Tomei) can't get into the show (not the right pass). Cusack invites her to his office. Realizes she is left wing biased, gets rid of her, but sets up meeting for that evening over drinks.
Hauser goes into Popeye Chicken restaurant to meet "The Viceroy" of Tamerlane - . After Get Smart style secret tunnel, he meets a video screen projecting American media heros (John Wayne, Mr. T, Donald Trump, etc.), speaking with an altered voice.
Yonica and entourage arrive. Hauser is not impressed.
Tries to kill Sharif with remote control rifle, but interrupted when dry cleaning is delivered to his Humvee.
Milking cobra for poison when Yonica drops by. She tries to seduce him, but he is disgusted. Takes Sharif out to dinner, but can't get the venom in due to the close scrutiny of Sharif's bodyguards. Sharif spots the reporter, and Hauser arranges a meeting.
Yonica & entourage arrive, and in the chaos, Hauser crushes the vial of cobra venom, breaking it in his hand. He goes to the restroom to clean up, and is confronted by 2 members of the entourage. He easily dispatches them both.
Reporter wants to get out and see the country outside of the Green Zone. Hauser sets her up with a local film crew. She discovers a DVD case (premade) for Yonica's XXX rated wedding night video. She exposes Yonica and her husband on CNN.
Hauser "fixes" the situation with Yonica, her fiance, and the emerit father. The fiance will blame one of the entourage, the principals will be blameless, and the wedding will go on.
Finds Yonica in her room, playing simple accoustic ballad - realizes she's not who the press make her out to be. He arranges for an interview with the reporter.
While waiting for the film crew to set up in an abandoned house, Hauser finds some nice wine, caviar, and other snacky things. He opens the wine with a compressed air needle cork popper - then discretely pockets the device.
Just prior to the interview, in a heart-to-heart discussion, Hauser tells the girls about his ex-wife (murdered) and daughter (kidnapped). He tells them it happened because of who he is.
The entourage burst in. Hauser kills all (one with a shot of compressed air to the brain). The girls walk in as he dispatches the last person. They now have confirmation that he is not who he seemed to be.
The girls take a taxi from the interview location to their respective hotels. Yonica gets out first, and the reporter is kidnapped. Kidnappers make some rather silly demands (destruction of Israel & a star ball player for a player to be named later).
Hauser now has to rescue the reporter, kill Sharif, and oversee the wedding at the trade show. He emails Sharif, and under the name of the reporter, invites him to a hotel suite. He jumps in a Humvee, and takes off looking for the reporter outside the Emerald City. He asks some kids if they know where a kidnapped person might be. They tell him there are 3 in the immediate area - he's got to be more specific. They direct him to the group that has a dark-haired female.
Flashbacks take place here, and we learn that his old boss, Walken (Ben Kingsly) tries to kill him when he tried to quit some years ago. Instead, Hauser kills his boss (crushed in a garbage truck).
The reporter is rescued, and brought back to the trade show to be in the wedding party. Hauser heads to the hotel to meet Sharif.
Sharif walks into the hotel suite, expecting to find the reporter. Instead, Hauser grabs him, and warns him that someone else will likely be coming for him. He heads back to the Popeye Chicken shop, looking for the Viceroy. Hauser realizes that he must be behind the projection screen, so smashes it. Sees that Walken is still alive, but crippled, and restricted to a wheelchair. Not only is Walken the Viceroy, but he admits that he had his wife killed, and Yonica is his kidnapped daughter!!
Now the guards are after him, so he uses Walken as a shield, and gets out to the wedding, disrupting the ceremony. Walken escapes and heads back to his bunker. He calls for a cruise missle to level the trade show building. The missle is launched, but goes off course, and hits the Popeye restaurant, killing Walken.
Yonica, the reporter, and Hauser get to the airport, where Yonica's honeymoon plane is waiting.
Just as we think they've gotten away, we see a heat seeking missle heading towards the plane.
The former Vice President holds a press conference, and blames extremists and terrorists for the explosion at the Popeye, and the killing of our beloved Viceroy.
Credits roll to a Joe Strummer song.
Need to add the corporate references, slogans, etc. Can't wait for the DVD!