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Guy J. Louthan
A group of teenage boys out to give their girlfriends a good scare on Homecoming night, which also happens to be Halloween, head to an abandoned house in an out-of-the-way fruit orchard where they uncover the story of a real life urban legend. Written by
This so-called horror movie is one of the worst slashers I have ever seen in my life. It goes wrong in every way you can think of. For starters, the entire enterprise is appallingly cheap. Shot almost entirely at night, the lighting is almost non-existent, and it's often hard to make out the surroundings or what it going on. Also, with little in the way of props, it's as if the filmmakers decided to write something with the little they had, instead of writing the story first and worrying about bringing things in later. But wait - things get even worse! We have teen protagonists who are annoying and so poorly developed I don't think we even learn the names of some of them. It should be a pleasure seeing them chopped up, but the slaughter doesn't really get going until more than an hour of the running time has passed, with most of the time devoted to seeing the teens wandering around and around endlessly. Once it does get going, the slaughter is not very graphic at all. The "surprise twist" at the end isn't the least bit surprising. And Judd Nelson is totally wasted, having almost no screen time. Do you need any more convincing about "The Caretaker" being a complete waste of time?
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