6.9/10
49
3 user 3 critic

The Da Vinci Load (2006)

X | | Adult, Crime, Fantasy | Video 2006
I am usman and I want to see this film I me responsible

Director:

Writer:

Reviews
1 nomination. See more awards »
Edit

Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Haley Paige ...
Det. Jane Rosello (as Hailey Paige)
Missy Monroe ...
Dr. Nadia Saint
Adel Miller ...
Ice Cream Girl (as Joey Hart)
Charlotte Stokely ...
School Girl #1
Jasmine Tame ...
School Girl #2
...
Hooker
...
Prioress
...
Cult Girl
...
Prof. Lee Teabag
...
Tony Petkovich
Claudio Meloni ...
Curator James DuBois
...
College Student #1
Scott Nails ...
College Student #2
Frank Bukkwyd ...
Det. John Brown -NonSex Role
Janos Skorzeny ...
Dan Bailey -NonSex Role
Edit

Storyline

I am usman and I want to see this film I me responsible

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Genres:

Adult | Crime | Fantasy

Certificate:

X
Edit

Details

Country:

Language:

Release Date:

2006 (USA)  »

Company Credits

Production Co:

 »
Show detailed on  »

Technical Specs

Runtime:

Color:

See  »
Edit

Did You Know?

Quotes

Det. Jane Rosello: Just the idea that you can see into someone's life by touching their cock - it's astounding!
Dr. Nadia Saint: It's called clairvoyance of the cock.
See more »

Connections

Followed by The Da Vinci Load 2: Angels & Semen (2007) See more »

Frequently Asked Questions

This FAQ is empty. Add the first question.

User Reviews

Goofy takeoff with tongue-twisting expository dialog
12 January 2017 | by (New York, New York) – See all my reviews

Jerome Tanner brings his usual odd touches to this rather weak Hustler riff on the hit book/movie, typical porn-parody trash. Stars Evan Stone and Haley Paige tackle the challenge of reciting endless mumbo jumbo from screenwriter Nelson X, a case where fast-forwarding can be forgiven.

Paige is a cop partnered with Frank Bukkwyd, investigating a murder of the Louvre curator played by Claudio Meloni, who's visiting L.A. with an exhibition. The hit man is James Deen, later killed by some jail-bait minions of his employers, an ancient female cult that worships semen.

This rather unfunny nonsense (Nelson's jokes fall flat dozens of times in succession) is a variation on the prevalent cock-worship that has made XXX porn anethema to a large swath of its potential audience, who opt for the crap that's left of soft-core Cinema, shown on pay-cable channels to insomniacs.

The gals, whose leader is Eva Angelina in a non-speaking (but lesbian humping) role, have been humping "great men" over the centuries in order to obtain their spunk, preserved for procreating other great offspring. The details of this gibberish are meant to be amusing but lack any semblance of wit. Typically, a recitation of the "great men" so preserved and exalted reads Newton, Botticelli, Hugo and Jerome Tanner - hardy har har.

The climactic six-girl lesbian orgy, staged like one of those '70s Satanic rituals with hooded & cloaked cultists, oddly presages a current lesbian orgy from the Stills & Mills in team that is the climax of their feature "The Faces of Alice". I'm fairly certain this is mere coincidence.

Paige is sexy and her character is set up in a trick ending for a sequel, but the Part 2 release by Tanner through Hustler is more a remake than a followup, with Nautica Thorn taking over the lead role as Dr. Nadia Saint, played here rather poorly by Missy Monroe. Saint is posited as an ex-FBI profiler turned professor of a sort of worship of the male orgasm. Fantasy element is extremely lame, concerning "Clairvoyance of the Cock" (I kid you not) whereby Paige can hallucinate at the point of money shot, a cheap excuse for flashback.

Unknown Hustler girls like Jasmine Tame, Joey Hart and Michelle Maylene flesh out the cast, with Maylene credited as "Call Girl" in the end crawl, a typically sloppy listing that was meant to read "Cult Girl". The great Tory Lane makes up for the casting shortcomings, while a very young Charlotte Stokley doesn't seem promising (yet her career is going strong long after her teammates are kaput) dressed up in a schoolgirl outfit.


0 of 0 people found this review helpful.  Was this review helpful to you?

Contribute to This Page