Val Gyrth: This is a senior police officer?
Albert Campion: No, Mr. Walker is a criminal currently between sentences.
Albert Campion: What happened to Lugg?
Branch: He's gone off his rocker, sir!
Albert Campion: How were you able to spot the difference?
[speaking of Campion]
First Henchman: Don't underestimate him. He isn't as dumb as he pretends.
Second Henchman: Nobody could be that dumb.
Ernie Walker: Yeah, but who's Matthew working for? That's the big one isn't it.
Albert Campion: We are mildly interested.
Ernie Walker: Mildly interested costs a fiver.
Albert Campion: Your dad would have come across for half a crown.
Ernie Walker: Don't blame me, blame the gold standard.
Penny Gyrth: Why are we going to see the Professor?
Albert Campion: Because he's one of the world's leading authorities on ten-foot-high goats.
Professor Gardner Cairey: I heard the stories of the ghost long before your aunt passed over and indeed took the liberty of trespassing for several nights without seeing anything. Of course, I had a gun with me, which sometimes dissuades the supernatural.
[Daisy's henchman drag Campion away]
Albert Campion: It's a fair cop. I'll go quietly, guv'nor. I'd like a cell with a view, early morning call, tea and a copy of the Sporting Life at, say, 8:30.
[Campion is imprisoned in a barn loft]
Mrs. Daisy Shannon: Good evening. You haven't shaved at all today. Not much of a credit to the regiment.
Albert Campion: I have to tell you, Mrs. Shannon, I can't honestly recommend this place. The bed creaks, the telephone doesn't work, the room service is non-existent and the staff extremely rude.
[a horse whinnies below]
Albert Campion: Oh yes, and the people downstairs are very noisy. Otherwise it's fine.
Albert Campion: Forgive my asking - it's my natural curiousity and prejudice - are you thinking of killing me?
Mrs. Daisy Shannon: Not thinking - preparing.
Albert Campion: Don't tell me, let me guess. I was about to be executed by a horse and you just happened to be passing.
Professor Gardner Cairey: Penny told me about the gypsies, the chalice turned up in the post, Val turned up in that hedge wearing a white flower. I decided to take a cycle ride to the heath. I found your car parked not far from here. The tyres have been slashed by the way.
Albert Campion: You can't trust anyone nowadays. I blame talking pictures.
[examine the bloody wound on Campion's face]
Professor Gardner Cairey: Did she do that?
Albert Campion: Making a point in the cut and thrust of debate.
Albert Campion: Muggy Mathews - one of the best cat burglars in the business. He can climb up the sheer face of running water.
[a truckload of gypsies attack Daisy's henchmen]
Professor Gardner Cairey: Campion, I do believe this is the dirtiest fighting I've ever seen.
Albert Campion: There are historical reasons for it. In the red corner, gypsies; in the blue corner, race gangs. They have a long history of ideological disputes.
Professor Gardner Cairey: Your people seem to be doing rather well. Will they get away with it?
Albert Campion: They never kill. They're more for modified disabling.
Colonel Gyrth: I never lock my door.
Albert Campion: Is that wise?
Colonel Gyrth: If I lock my door, people can't get in.
Albert Campion: I am rehearsing what I shall tell Stanislaus.
Val Gyrth: Who in the devil is Stanislaus.
Albert Campion: Inpector Stanislaus Oates, a senior and highly respected police officer, but meeting us tonight in his capacity as a civilized human being.
Albert Campion: Do you by any chance know of a wealthy, influential man-about-the-underworld called "The Daisy"?
Chief Inspector Stanislaus Oates: What exactly are you up to? Or is it a state secret again?
Albert Campion: I'm taking the short road as opposed to the long road.
Chief Inspector Stanislaus Oates: Thank you very much, that's much clearer.
Albert Campion: Or to express it in another way, it is the one occasion in a hundred when publicity would be catastrophic, official police involvement undesirable and it falls to the gifted private individual to take responsibility.
Chief Inspector Stanislaus Oates: And you are taking responsibility for what?
Albert Campion: The safety of a great national treasure, coupled with a spot of drastic eradication.
Chief Inspector Stanislaus Oates: I can provide the protection. I'll leave it to the gifted private individual to solve the mystery.
Albert Campion: My pleasure.
Chief Inspector Stanislaus Oates: But try to be circumspect about your drastic spots of eradication. It can be illegal in some cases.
[Lugg resigns after being attacked in the haunted wood]
Albert Campion: Just tell me what you saw.
Magersfontein Lugg: I saw that monster, the one they keep in the secret room. The one they feed with the pump.
Albert Campion: That's nonsense. Tell me what you saw.
Magersfontein Lugg: It was ten foot 'igh! It had horns, it smelled putrid - like dead fish. It was like a ten-foot-high goat, walkin' on its 'ind legs!
Albert Campion: That's better. Now I believe you.
Magersfontein Lugg: You do?
Albert Campion: Not only that, but I will not accept your resignation.
[examining a blurry photograph of the creature in the haunted wood]
Albert Campion: Any chance of catching one of these things? I'm sure all you need is a large butterfly net and formidable biceps.
Professor Gardner Cairey: If it turns out to be what I think it is, it's much more unpleasant than any ghost.
Old Mr. Peck: Won't catch nothin'! That's a spirit. Not a net - that'll go right through it like it was water.
Albert Campion: What do you think about it, Percy?
Percy Peck: I fixed that there wireless so the old 'un could hear fellas in Paris playin' music. If I can rule that, I can rule any old ghost.
Professor Gardner Cairey: You know what we've got here?
Albert Campion: Apart from the stink?
Professor Gardner Cairey: A witch!
Mrs. Munsey: I curse ye! I curse by a right line, a crooked line, a simple and a broken. By flame, by wind, by water, by a mass, by rain, by clay, by a fleeing thing, by a creeping thing, by a serpent, by an oin, by a hand, by a foot, by a crown, by a cross, by a sword, by a scourge - I curse ye!
[Using a deck of cards, Campion tells Daisy her fortune]
Albert Campion: I see a queen surrounded by a pack of knaves. I see them pursuing a crock of gold or even a pot of gold.
[Campion deals a joker]
Albert Campion: I see a fair young man standing between her and the pot of gold. I see a silly old woman and her even sillier son who might give the game away - and perhaps they already have. I see a lot of journeys. I see a far journey. Oh yes, most certainly, you take the long road, Daisy.
Mrs. Daisy Shannon: Is that all you see?
Albert Campion: No. I see a great many black cards. I think there's a death in this for somebody.
Albert Campion: I may give the impression of being a gilded amateur, a gentleman rather than a player, but I've passed among you as a vulgar professional. At the appropriate time and with great discretion, money will change hands. Guineas, of course.
Penny Gyrth: But who employed you?
Albert Campion: Sorry, ma'am. Not at liberty to say.
Albert Campion: But what did she see and why did she say those things? "No, you can't be..."
Professor Gardner Cairey: The light was shining directly on the figure. The head was up-raised.
Albert Campion: "No, you can't be... "... alive?
Professor Gardner Cairey: Let me offer the thought that on the night, the visor was up. She saw the face. It may be a very shocking sight.
Albert Campion: But did she hear a voice?
Professor Gardner Cairey: We all hear voices from time to time. There are more things in heaven and earth, Orlando.
Magersfontein Lugg: Now do you believe me about ghost-hunting, eh?
Albert Campion: I can reliably inform you your ten-foot-high goat was in fact an old bald-headed woman.
Magersfontein Lugg: I think I'd rather have the goat.
[Penny opens a mysterious parcel]
Penny Gyrth: Val! It's the chalice!
Val Gyrth: But who sent it?
Professor Gardner Cairey: I could make an educated guess on that subject, but how you arrived in that field is beyond my comprehension.
Penny Gyrth: Your buttonhole...
Val Gyrth: That's funny, I don't remember that, either. I never put flowers in my buttonhole.
Professor Gardner Cairey: Would I be right in supposing that's a...
Penny Gyrth: Yes, you would be right. It's called a white campion.