Dr. Gregory House: House's House of Whining. State your complaint.
Dr. James Wilson: Hi, do you guys deliver? Let me put it this way, if you deliver there'll be a $100 tip in it for you.
Dr. Gregory House: [about Wilson] Sorry. If I'd known he was going to be this annoying I would have stolen Dr. Cameron's pad and Dr. Foreman's car. At least she appreciates my brooding melancholy.
Gabriel Wozniak: [holding up an iPod] What's this? It says "ip odd".
Dr. Gregory House: Don't worry about it. We use recyclable clothes now. Wear them once, then eat them.
Dr. Gregory House: Wilson, get out.
Dr. James Wilson: No.
Dr. Gregory House: You've lied to the cops enough for me.
Dr. Gregory House: [after a moment] Maybe I don't want to push this 'til it breaks.
Dr. Gregory House: This is easy. You ask the questions, answer them AND make tasty snacks.
Dr. Gregory House: What happened on the night of the fire?
Dr. Gregory House: [the coma guy is silent] Yeah, I'm sure it's a stressful, emotional question. Suck it up!
Dr. Gregory House: You know what I found interesting about this case?
Dr. James Wilson: That it proved that people can love unconditionally, and you can tell yourself it's not true, but you'll just end up in a hotel room in Atlantic City asking someone to cut your heart out?
Dr. Gregory House: [after inducing seizure to the son of a coma guy] Gotta love this family!
Dr. Allison Cameron: [rushes in the room; looks around to a relaxed Foreman and Chase] I was paged.
Dr. Robert Chase: Saw you with a cop. What'd he want?
Dr. Allison Cameron: [slides door closed] How many pills does House take, did I ever write him a prescription; that sort of stuff.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I told him six.
Dr. Eric Foreman: A day, or in a mouthful?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I was just hoping you guys would stay consistent with...
Dr. Robert Chase: [nervous] He wants to talk to us, too?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're next.
Dr. Robert Chase: [aghast] We gotta tell House what's going on.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Tritter says no.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Then no it is. Cops have a thousand ways to make life difficult for you.
Dr. Gregory House: [House slides door open to peek in] Quick! What's the kid's status? I gotta get back to our sleeper before he goes looking for the orgasmatron.
[looks around expectantly; team is silent]
Dr. Gregory House: See, if that were rhetorical, it would mean that I could just turn around and leave now. Which I'm not doing. From which you should deduce...
Dr. Eric Foreman: He's off all drugs except the antibiotics. His liver's just managing to hang in there.
Dr. Robert Chase: He's still sliding into coma.
Dr. James Wilson: [walking with House down hallway] Maybe your father's feelings were conditional. Not everyone's...
Dr. Gregory House: Yes, well, of course that would play into your romantic vision of human...
Dr. James Wilson: In terms you would understand, we have an evolutionary incentive to sacrifice for our offspring. Our tribe, our friends. Keep them safe.
Dr. Gregory House: Except for all the people who don't. Everything is conditional. You just can't always anticipate the conditions.
Michael Tritter: [stops Cameron by showing her his badge] Mind if we talk a few minutes?
[cut to semi-dark private room]
Michael Tritter: How many pills would you say Dr. House takes a day?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm uncomfortable setting a number.
Michael Tritter: Hmm. Try.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Six.
Michael Tritter: A day.
Michael Tritter: Has he ever had you... write prescriptions for him?
Dr. Allison Cameron: No. What is it you want me to say? That he takes too many pills and is a danger to the hospital or he takes too few because he's selling them on the side? Either one is ridiculous.
Michael Tritter: I meant the former.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're wrong.
Michael Tritter: Can I ask what Dr. House has done to deserve your loyalty? He's not known as a great boss. He's not even much of a friend. I mean, look how he left Dr. Wilson holding the bag.
[Cameron's expression changes]
Michael Tritter: It's odd. You don't know about that. You defend him, and he won't even tell you what's happening in his life.
[pager beeps; Cameron leaves Tritter off-camera]