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(TV Series)

(2006)

Quotes

Jack: Are you drunk?

Liz Lemon: [drunk] Yessss!

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Tracy Jordan: Excuse me, where's the manager? I'm from the goverment and I'm here to inspect your chicken nuggets!

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Tracy Jordan: Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

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Tracy Jordan: You know how pissed off I was when U.S. Weekly said that I was on crack? That's racist! I'm not on crack - I'm straight-up mentally ill!

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Jack: Alfredo's, 2 PM.

Liz Lemon: I'm not dressed for that.

Jack: You're dressed for Burger King. Should we make it Burger King?

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Liz Lemon: Where's Gary?

Jack: [Kicks down door and enters room] Gary's dead. I'm Jack Donaghy. New VP of development for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart.

Pete: Oh, we own Kmart now?

Jack: No. So why are you dressed like we do?

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Liz Lemon: [Referencing Tracy Jordan] Isn't he umm... crazy?

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Tracy Jordan: [Running through traffic in nothing but tighty whities, screaming] I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi!

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Jack: [to Liz] I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.

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Pete: Okay, marry, kill: Oprah, bin Laden, and Jenna.

Liz Lemon: What did I tell you about playing that game with people in the room?

Jenna Maroney: No Liz, it's okay.

Frank: Okay, well I'd marry Oprah, for the money. I do bin Laden for revenge and then his own people would kill him. And I'd kill Jenna.

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Tracy Jordan: Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us, while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

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Toufer: [Complaining to Liz] Surely our massive conglomerate parent company could spring for a samovar of coffee.

Frank: Yeah, or, like, a big coffee dispenser!

Toufer: [Condescendingly] That's what a samovar is.

Frank: Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel?

[Toofer just stares at Frank]

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Jack: [as an assistant holds up a Post-It note] Ah, I'll call her back. Is she at the White House line?

[assistant nods]

Jack: Great.

[& holds up 2nd note]

Jack: Tell them I need a 4am tee-off time

[3rd note]

Jack: Uh, five inches, but it's thick.

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Jack: I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.

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Jack: I want you to think about Tracy Jordan.

Pete: The black guy?

Jack: The black movie star. I flew with him on a private jet to the Super Bowl recently and I found him very entertaining.

Liz Lemon: Isn't he, um... crazy?

Jack: Tracy's had his problems in the last few years.

Tracy Jordan: [cut to Tracy on the news, running through traffic in his underwear] I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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