Tracy Jordan: Excuse me, where's the manager? I'm from the goverment and I'm here to inspect your chicken nuggets!
Tracy Jordan: Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.
Tracy Jordan: You know how pissed off I was when U.S. Weekly said that I was on crack? That's racist! I'm not on crack - I'm straight-up mentally ill!
Jack: Alfredo's, 2 PM.
Liz Lemon: I'm not dressed for that.
Jack: You're dressed for Burger King. Should we make it Burger King?
Liz Lemon: Where's Gary?
Jack: [Kicks down door and enters room] Gary's dead. I'm Jack Donaghy. New VP of development for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart.
Pete: Oh, we own Kmart now?
Jack: No. So why are you dressed like we do?
Tracy Jordan: [Running through traffic in nothing but tighty whities, screaming] I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi!
Jack: [to Liz] I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.
Pete: Okay, marry, kill: Oprah, bin Laden, and Jenna.
Liz Lemon: What did I tell you about playing that game with people in the room?
Jenna Maroney: No Liz, it's okay.
Frank: Okay, well I'd marry Oprah, for the money. I do bin Laden for revenge and then his own people would kill him. And I'd kill Jenna.
Tracy Jordan: Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us, while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.
Toufer: [Complaining to Liz] Surely our massive conglomerate parent company could spring for a samovar of coffee.
Frank: Yeah, or, like, a big coffee dispenser!
Toufer: [Condescendingly] That's what a samovar is.
Frank: Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel?
[Toofer just stares at Frank]
Jack: [as an assistant holds up a Post-It note] Ah, I'll call her back. Is she at the White House line?
[& holds up 2nd note]
Jack: Tell them I need a 4am tee-off time
Jack: Uh, five inches, but it's thick.
Jack: I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.
Jack: I want you to think about Tracy Jordan.
Pete: The black guy?
Jack: The black movie star. I flew with him on a private jet to the Super Bowl recently and I found him very entertaining.
Liz Lemon: Isn't he, um... crazy?
Jack: Tracy's had his problems in the last few years.
Tracy Jordan: [cut to Tracy on the news, running through traffic in his underwear] I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi!