- The Big Bad Wolf: I just got back from Con Con, the con man's convention. I show up, nobody there! Empty building! Guess I should have seen that one coming.
- Granny Puckett: Wolf, think you can handle a bike like this?
- The Big Bad Wolf: Sure, I think I could if I had to, I went through my bad boy phase. Rode a bike, greased my hair back, lived over Richie Cunningham's garage, water skied over a shark tank. Those were some Happy Days.
- Boingo the Bunny: Why are you reading that book? Nobody reads books anymore! Movies are always better, especially sequels.
- The Big Bad Wolf: Wow, my life just flashed before my eye's. It's weird flashbacks really do add ten pounds.
- Granny Puckett: [riding broom stick] I've gotta get me one of these!
- The Big Bad Wolf: [holding on behind her] Yeah,it suits you. Lets swing by the hat store and pick up something pointy.
- Japeth the Goat: ...Till one day I walked in the path of a motorcycle and got myself in quiet a pickle.
- [flies off cliff]
- The Big Bad Wolf: I'm uninsured!
- Japeth the Goat: And I fell onto a branch, and a pointy rock, and an angry rock climber, and a beaver.
- [pauses for a second]
- Japeth the Goat: and another beaver.
- Nicky Flippers: [First Lines] Once upon a time, there were four unlikely heroes. Red Riding Hood, her granny, the not so Big Bad Wolf and an over-caffeinated squirrel called Twitchy. Together, they defeated the evil plans of a very bad little bunny, and came to work for me. My name is Nicky, and I run the Happily Ever After Agency, an organization dedicated to making happy endings for everyone. As we say in the HEA, "It's not just a fairy tale, it's an adventure Recently, Red took a leave of absence to train at a secret location with the legendary Sisters of the Hood. This left the team in a bit of disarray, just as we were about to meet a terrible threat, not only to the HEA, but to happy endings everywhere. It started one night when we received an anonymous tip that two children were being held in a gingerbread house by a witch with a wicked appetite.
- The Big Bad Wolf: Nicky Flippers' little superstar is far, far... far away. Far, far, far... far away. Far... far away.
- Twitchy: Yeah, yeah, I get it!
- The Big Bad Wolf: Nicky Flippers' little superstar is far, far... far away. Far, far, far... far away. Far... far away.
- Hansel: Yeah, yeah, I get it!