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"Metalocalypse" Dethwater (TV Episode 2006) Poster

(TV Series)

(2006)

Quotes

Nathan Explosion: This is metal... for fish.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Fish don't gots no good music to listen to.

William Murderface: Yeah, it's true.

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Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Pfft! Oh great, probably some dick-nosed record producer, comes to try to tell us how to makes metal. Don't knows snakes from dildos about that. Get in line.

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William Murderface: [Nathan keeps deleting albums, destroying the world's economy] Well maybe it would be better if I just KILLED MYSELF! Huh? Why don't you just record that? Would that be BRUTAL enough for you? Me being DEAD?

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Nathan Explosion: [the band is reviewing the mix for its new album. Nathan stops the music to think] Huh.

[he cracks his knuckles]

Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [resignedly] Here we go again.

Pickles the Drummer: [Nathan's finger hovers over the "delete" button] Okay, wait. Before we do anything drastic, let's put this all in perspective, Nathan, okay? Look.

[he stomps on a pedal, bringing down a video screen]

Reporter #1: Dethklok has spent a reported 500 million in the recording studio so far ...

Reporter #2: [Pickles stomps on another pedal]

  • fan suicide rate is up, due to the album's late release -


[a fan shoots himself in front of the camera]

Reporter #3: [Pickles stomps on another pedal]

  • sources have corroborated that the band has recorded SIXTEEN individual albums, all deleted ...


Reporter #4: [Pickles stomps on the last pedal]

  • sources say the Dow Jones decline is directly related to Dethklok frontman Nathan Explosion's constantly deleting a potential new album ...


Pickles the Drummer: [Nathan moves his finger back to the "delete" button as his bandmates urge him not to push it] No, no, no, no, no, don't, no -

[Nathan pushes the button and deletes the album]

Pickles the Drummer: No!

[everyone groans]

Pickles the Drummer: Mmmm! Mother-douchebags! Did it again.

Toki Wartooth: Aw, dudes, what's wrong with that one?

Pickles the Drummer: Let me guess: not "heavy" enough? Not "tuned low" enough? Not "BRUTAL" enough?

Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Dudes, we can'ts not tone it down any lower.

William Murderface: Well, maybe it'd be better if I just killed myself, huh? Why don't you record that, huh? Would that be BRUTAL enough for ya, me being dead?

Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Somebody should tells Murderface that it's not always - always about him.

Pickles the Drummer: So what? Now we're all the way back to square effin' one?

Nathan Explosion: Yeah, that's right. But here's what we're gonna do: we're gonna re-re-re-record it... right there.

[he points to a spot on the globe in the middle of the ocean]

Nathan Explosion: Right there!

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Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: [after having his face almost peeled off by listening to "Mermaider"] Stop - the track! This is amazing! I mean, there must be *billions* of fish out there! It's a totally untapped market. And so many hits, too!

Nathan Explosion: "Electric Eel Chair."

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: Yeah!

Skwisgaar Skwigelf: "Scaled and Gutted and Undercooked."

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: *Yeah*!

William Murderface: "Scuba Tank Filled With Farts."

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: YEAH! You boys knocked it completely outta the park.

[aside]

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: I am back on top!

[to the band]

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: I'm goin' straight to the label!

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General Krosier: All right. Let's - whoa!

[he sees Knubbler's bleeding eyes]

General Krosier: Dear God, Knubbler, your face! What've they done to you?

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: It's called "metal," General.

General Krosier: Well, we need to know exactly what they've been up to.

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: "What've they been up to?" They been up to kickin' ass and takin' names!

General Krosier: Knubbler!

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: Put that in your port, General Krosier!

General Krosier: What the hell is going on down there?

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: Dethklok is AMAZING! The album is gonna rock so hard!

General Krosier: KNUBBLER!

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: The drums ROCK! The bass ROCKS! And the guitar - ohhh, the guitar ROCKS! Check it out! CHECK IT OUT!

[he turns the music on full blast]

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Charles Foster Ofdensen: Okay, so you want to re-re-re-record in the ocean. In. I see. No, problem, sure. I...

Nathan Explosion: No, no, not IN the ocean. INSIDE the ocean.

Charles Foster Ofdensen: Okay...

Nathan Explosion: In the heaviest, deepest, most brutal part.

Charles Foster Ofdensen: All right.

Nathan Explosion: The Mariana Trennnnnnnch!

Charles Foster Ofdensen: Well, let me make some calls.

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William Murderface: Hey guys, nuclear submarine power's out.

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William Murderface: Well maybe it'd be better if I just kill myself, huh? Why don't ya just record that, huh? Would that be *brutal* enough for ya, me being dead?

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Pickles the Drummer: Mother douchebags!

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Pickles the Drummer: Ok, calm down, remember, we gotta be professional, ok? Unless he pushes us. In which case I swear to god I will effin' knife him in the...

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Dick Knubbler: I mean there must be *billions* of fish out there, it's a totally untapped market. And so many hits, too!

Nathan Explosion: Electric Eel Chair.

Dick Knubbler: Yeah!

Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Skulled and Gutted and Undercooked.

Dick Knubbler: Yeah!

Murderface: Scuba Tank Filled With Farts.

Dick Knubbler: *Yeah!*

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Dick Knubbler: My body's having a little trouble adjusting to the oceanic pressure down here, I'm sure I'll feel better once I've had some pop rocks and Coke.

[Drinks, nose starts bleeding]

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General Krosier: Knubbler, your face! What have they done to you?

Dick Knubbler: [bleeding profusely] It's called 'metal', General.

General Krosier: Well, we need to know exactly what they've been up to.

Dick Knubbler: What have they been up to? They've been up to KICKIN' ASS, and TAKIN' NAMES! Put that in your report General KROSIER! Dethklok is amazing! The album is gonna rock so hard, the drums ROCK! The bass ROCKS! And the guitar oh, the guitar rocks! Check it out! CHECK IT OUT!

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Nathan Explosion: [Murderface is eating a giant bucket of beans] Maybe take it easy on those beans, Murderface?

Pickles the Drummer: Yeah I know man, have a little decency. I mean, we're stuck together in a freakin' submarine for Christ's sake.

William Murderface: Murderface:

[Spills beans everywhere]

William Murderface: Fine, how 'bout I starve to death, how's that?

[farts]

William Murderface: Aw, excuse me. These boots are killing my feet!

[takes off his boots, farts]

William Murderface: These feet stink.

[vomits]

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Nathan Explosion: Now shut up and listen to this, dick. This is metal... for fish.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Fish don't gots no good metal to listens to.

William Murderface: Yeah... it's true.

Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: Fish, huh?

Nathan Explosion: This one's called "Mermaider."

William Murderface: It's about mermaid murder.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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