6.6/10
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The Story of Juan Bago (2006)

Not Rated | | Comedy | 27 July 2006 (USA)
A hilarious tale of a loser; named Juan Bago. He's an underachiever in his mid twenty's; lives with his parents and doesn't bathe very often. Until the day he sees the girl of his dreams ... See full summary »

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, (character) | 3 more credits »
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Cast

Credited cast:
Jennifer Abreu ...
Bum's Girl
Jason Acevedo ...
Barber Shop Customer
Johnathan Brea ...
Juan Bago #3
...
Natalie the co-worker
...
Abuelita
Andrew Cao ...
Chris the Co-Worker
Auden Cardenes ...
Bodega Customer
Stephanie De La Cruz ...
Elevator Girl #2
Oscar De La Moca ...
Josefina
Florelisa Dejesus ...
The Prize Girl
Christopher Delgado ...
Cafe Customer
Jerry Diaz ...
Elmo Difoca / Mingito
Lenny Diaz ...
Lenny
...
Juan Bago
Rudy Diaz ...
Cafe Customer
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Storyline

A hilarious tale of a loser; named Juan Bago. He's an underachiever in his mid twenty's; lives with his parents and doesn't bathe very often. Until the day he sees the girl of his dreams while on a train on his way to work. Thinking that she would never speak with him; he decides to change his life in three days with comical consequences. Written by Anonymous

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

What will Juan do to get the Girl of his Dreams?

Genres:

Comedy

Certificate:

Not Rated
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Details

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Release Date:

27 July 2006 (USA)  »

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Box Office

Budget:

$10,000 (estimated)
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Did You Know?

Soundtracks

El Garaje - Jibarito
Written by Chiko Mendez ® BMI
Featuring Karamaná
Courtesy of Méndez Múzik ® USA2006
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User Reviews

 
The worst film I have ever seen
18 May 2009 | by See all my reviews

Words cannot convey how horrible this movie is. Imagine a student film, shot for no money, with a boring story, where no one who can act, where every scene has terrible lighting and there's no continuity in the editing. Now, add retarded jokes about pissing in your pants, not wiping your ass, and being sexually assaulted on the subway, but make sure to not give them the possibility of being funny in a gross-out kind of way. Start with a superfluous intro about random people meeting to tell the story of "Juan Bago", include paper-thin characters, and actors who make soft-core skinemax performers look like Oscar winners. Then, make it two hours long.

I purchased this for 5 dollars on Verizon ON-Demand, because the logline looked interesting. DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE. I have no idea how something this shoddy and unprofessional got put on a major distribution network, but it did, and I suffered the consequences, so that you might not have to.

I have been going to film festivals and watching movies for forty years. This is the single worst film I have ever seen. Even with the sheer extent of its artlessness, there's nothing entertaining about it. You can't laugh at it in a Ed Wood kind of way. It's not kitschy, or funny, in its badness. It's just bad. You can only sit there, writhing in agony, waiting for this sophomoric nightmare to end.

Also, the two reviews above me are clearly fake. They read like promo materials.

If you were to give a pack of bonobo monkeys a video camera, and they spent two hours flinging poo at the lens while jerking each other off, you would still have a better movie than Juan Bago. You could at least show it on the discovery channel.

A list of movies I would recommend before seeing "Juan Bago"

Planet 9 from Outer Space, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, the movie my cousin with Down Syndrome made about his stuffed tiger on his Gameboy camera when he was five, and The Collected Works of Uwe Boll.


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