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Semi-Pro (2008) Poster

(2008)

Quotes

Jackie Moon: In the anals of history people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.

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Jackie Moon: Everybody panic! Oh my God, there's a bear loose in the coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!

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Jackie Moon: If you see an opossum, kill it. It's not a pet.

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Jackie Moon: Suck my cock! I'll kill your family!

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Dick Pepperfield: Jackie's teammates doing just an awful job of stabilizing his spine off the court.

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Father Pat the Ref: Corndogs, Jackie! Corndogs, for all these people!

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Jackie Moon: Everybody panic! It's just like the Titanic but it's full of bears!

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Jackie Moon: No refunds, consider your refund escaping this death trap with your lives!

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Lou Redwood: You calling me a jive turkey?

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Petrelli: How come it says "Monix" on your jersey when your name's "Pussy"?

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Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.

Clarence 'Coffee' Black: So what's the plan?

Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.

Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?

Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?

Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.

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Jackie Moon: [screaming angrily at Father Pat the Ref] I'll burn your house down!

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Jackie Moon: Nothing in the rulebook that says you can't play drunk.

Dick Pepperfield: Well actually there is.

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Jackie Moon: It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes.

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Dick Pepperfield: Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette, it's very unprofessional.

Lou Redwood: No. I like to smoke when I drink.

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Jackie Moon: Oh fuck that shit! Spumoni!

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Jackie Moon: ELE! Everybody love everybody!

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Lou Redwood: Jackie Moon is Flint's favorite son. And he has done more for this city than any human being who's ever lived on this planet!

Dick Pepperfield: With the possible exception of eh, Henry Ford... Jackie Moon has done a lot for this city, you're right about that.

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Jackie Moon: Damnit, Vakidis! Learn fucking English!

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Jackie Moon: [to Monix] I wish you were still a washing machine!

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Dick Pepperfield: Here comes the Alley... and there goes the Oop!

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Jackie Moon: I'm so excited I can't feel my arms!

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Monix: Vakidis, open the window will ya?

Vakidis: Yes, right on!

[does nothing]

Monix: Did you give Bobby Dee a handjob?

Vakidis: Yes, right on!

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Clarence 'Coffee' Black: Who the fuck is Bambi?

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Lynn: You think I've forgotten that you cheated on me twice?

Monix: I only cheated on you once. There just had to be two women.

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Jackie Moon: Use small children as shields, bears like soft tender meat.

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Jackie Moon: Cock sandwich, that hurts!

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Jackie Moon: It's like Titanic with bears.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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