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Thomas J. Moose
John Paul Fedele,
In Manhattan, Seymour is a fast-talking, flatulent, frustrated director of titillation flicks, in search of fame and fortune. With a crudely drawn map, he sets sail for Bone Island, his ... See full summary »
John Paul Fedele,
When a handful of friends stumble upon the abandoned building, they come face to face with a biological weapons experiment gone catastrophically wrong. They also confront a maniacal scientist who predicts life on Earth will end in 48 hours if the accelerated bacterial mutation cannot be halted. As the virulent, flesh-hungry contagion spreads from person to person, rendering each host into a pile of infectious ooze, it begins to multiply and increase in size. A covert military force sent in to contain the spread and destroy the organism discovers the extent of the slithering mutation, but by then it's far too late for conventional tactics. Extreme measures are required if anyone is left standing in one solid piece to do battle. Written by
I'd like to sincerely thank the makers of this film, for showing that this type of thing can still get made.
Is Bacterium great art/cinema? No. But I like to imagine that the filmmakers may well have said, when it was all edited and done and the last booger flicked away, "No, we didn't have a kerjillion dollars, but we made this with all the love we have, and now we offer it to you. Have a blast." Yes -- that is corny. I'm getting old.
If you watched Deadly Spawn and loved it, give this a try.
Obviously low budget? Check. Acting that veers wildly from watchable to really bad? Check. Kind-of-cheesy score that harks back to the 1970s or (brrr) 1980s? Check. Script that has giant holes, couldn't really be called "well-crafted," but is occasionally quite clever? Check. Distinct lack of flawless, soulless CGI? Check. Other distinct lack of Keanu Reeves or Kevin Costner standing around being out-acted by the cinematography? Double check.
Friends, I didn't think this was even possible any more. Okay, Bacterium has longeurs, especially early on, but once the booger monsters get going, watch out! And these brave, brave actors: they may not rise to the levels of your Olivier or your Carrot Top, but -- they not only do fierce battle with big balls of half-dried snot, they sometimes roll around in them.
In the end I love Bacterium 200,000% more than any given product of multi-million-mega-McDisney-wood, if only because it ISN'T all about the money.
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