Bacterium (2006)

User Rating:

5.8/10   

Director:

Brett Piper

Writer:

Brett Piper (writer)

Release Date:

November 2006 (USA)

Genre:

Horror

Plot:

When a handful of friends stumble upon the abandoned building, they come face to face with a biological weapons experiment gone catastrophically wrong...

Plot Keywords:

Intentional Goof | Blob | Blobs | Paintball | Horror Spoof

Cast

Alison Whitney	...	Beth
Benjamin Kanes	...	Jiggs
Miya Sagara	...	Brook
Andrew Kranz	...	Chandler (as Andrew Michael Kranz)
rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Carl Burrows	...	Radio Operator
Tom Cikoski	...	Senator Clairmont
Shelley Dague	...	Karin
Jessica Day	...	Major Larson
A.J. Khan	...	Jed's babe
Chuck McMahon	...	Dr. Boskovic
Duane Polcou	...	Clete Clifton - Newscaster

MPAA:

Rated PG-13 for sci-fi horror violence and gore, some partial nudity and language.

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1

Certification:

USA:PG-13

Company:

E.I. Independent Cinema

Trivia:

All the blobs in the movie were practical effects. Depending on their stage of development they were made of gel wax, wallpaper paste, water balloons, Spanish moss, fake spider webbing, latex and/or Ultra-Slime. There were no CGI blobs in the movie.

Science Fiction With a Bit of Horror And Straight From the B-List

A group of paintball fanatics end up inside an abandoned home. But unfortunately for them, they stumble across a secret government project to create a biological weapon and may have possibly been responsible for releasing it. Can these crazy kids escape before the military shows up to destroy the evidence?

I enjoyed the DVD cover (reminded me of "Great Expectations") but was turned off my the back of the box, claiming this film was from "horror master" Brett Piper. That slogan has been passed around more than Madonna in an NBA locker room and I think if people like Piper insist on using it, there will be absolutely no truth in the words left.

There were some other minors issues. I didn't need to hear "blow our heads off" at least 3 times within ten minutes. That sort of ruins the intensity of the expression. The gunshots (even the real ones) being paint balls was pretty weak -- and what was with the man in the opening scene being infected with warm peanut butter? (This last part, thankfully is improved later in the film.)

How did this get a pg-13? There is a fair amount of cursing and more than the "partial nudity" the film suggests. One woman is quite nude all over for a few minutes. Not that I'm complaining -- I just don't think this could have passed the censors. (Honestly, I don't think the MPAA ever saw this film and the creators just said they did.)

I like when the scientist touches his face and mouth with his gloves after going through such great lengths not to contaminate anything. But what I really liked was the amazingly awesome bacterium creature (which was much cooler and more disgusting then "The Host"). Seriously, this thing made all the bad acting and directing just disappear. Some of the scenes it had were like a cartoon, but a good deal of it was more like "The Blob" but better (and gross -- this thing made me want to vomit).

The last third of the film is really funny with the "you better not be (expletive) me" guy, the bureaucrats and the science / physics talk that goes above and beyond the average film (but maybe not far enough). If the first third had the humor and strong dialog the ending had, this whole film would have been pretty amazing. Unfortunately, aside from looking hot and getting naked, the lead actress has no skills that can used in a film.

I guess I'd watch this film again. I wasn't super-excited or heavily pumped about it, and the low production quality made it all rather annoying. But it had redeeming qualities, and I think Piper (though not a "horror master") may be someone to watch. Or at least his special effects crew is. That, and the guy who played the British-American scientist. I really, really like that guy.