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10 out of 11 people found the following review useful:


Author: wrlang from United States
26 September 2006

Petrified is about an artifact that turns out to be an alien who comes back to life and turns some people to stone while draining others of blood. Then there's the hand from the Adams Family that creeps around strangling people. The movie is meant to be full of puns and wacky, as it takes place in a nymph hospital with a weird doctor trying to cure death using hormone therapy. A few drinks will make this film much better. Some continuity and dialog breaks made on the cheapest of budgets. If you're looking for a good film with a serious plot and screenplay, skip this one. If you're looking for a C film that's corny as hell, this is for you.

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6 out of 11 people found the following review useful:

I asked for my money back because it as that bad

Author: seth-253 from United States
3 September 2007

I rented "Petrified" from my local RedBox. As soon as I saw the Full Moon logo, I had a bad feeling that I just wasted a buck. Hey, it could've been worse--renting from Block Buster for four and change. That hurts more. Thank god I no longer go to any Block Busters! But I have to say that Petrified has been added to my "worst list." I had some pretty good picks at RedBox (The Host, Abandoned)but after seeing this stink bomb, I began to have my doubts that someone was a sleep at the wheel. This was by far, the dumbest movie of all time. Special effects? Ha ha ha! Some guy standing in the bushes wrapped in toilet tissue, supposed to be an alien mummy. I was so annoyed for renting this direct to DVD piece of junk that I called RedBox to complain. That was the first time I asked for my money back based on a poorly made movie. How did this even get into RedBox? Someone at Full Moon (maybe one of the dopey actresses in Petrified) must be sleeping with the purchaser at RedBox. That's all I can think of. Stay away from this mess of a movie with 7th grade production values.

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6 out of 11 people found the following review useful:

My Latest "Worst Film Ever."

Author: chris-2607 from New Hampshire
16 October 2006

I have to start keeping a log of movies watched. If I've ever seen a worse film, I can't remember it.

Utter ordure from beginning to end. I won't dignify it with with any analysis or description beyond that, except to say that there's a brief, hopeful moment when we learn that the setting is a "clinic for the treatment of nymphomania," but alas...

I don't know what the other reviewer is drinking - I like bourbon, and the only way I can imagine liquor making this "film" any better is during that brief, fleeting moment of vivid hallucination (that we're watching some other movie, perhaps?) that comes right after hepatic shutdown, and just before irreversible coma.

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Absolute rubbish

Author: fairlesssam from Norfolk
15 July 2017

I was extremely disappointed by this film. It truly is complete rubbish. There is nothing good about it at all.

Petrified is about an ancient artefact that is being delivered in the dark of night which turns out to be a mummy-type alien who comes back to life and begins a rampage of turning people to stone. The deal of passing the artefact is carried out in a graveyard which happens to be situated next to a nymphomaniac hospital. The hospital is full of sex mad women and an eccentric doctor who is actually trying to cure death using hormone therapy.

This movie is so bad, the effects are horrendous, I felt like I was watching a movie shot in the 1960's. The characters are completely linear, there is no character development, history or depth on any level. It's not even a B movie, it's a Z movie.

There is nothing worth seeing here, absolutely shockingly bad.

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Unfunny comedy, unhorrific horror ...

Author: Nigel P
18 January 2016

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I'm not sure I see what inspires people to make films like this. Parodies are fine, but when the parody itself is made with much less money and sophistication than the genre it is parodying, it's difficult to see the point.

I am assuming 'Petrified' is one such film. It doesn't invite itself to be taken seriously, yet there is nothing here particularly amusing. The most successful aspect of it is the main creature (a vampire mummy who turns many of its victims to stone). For a low budget venture, I've seen far less convincing monsters. And yet any scene with the creature is played and shot so badly that even the most invested viewer must find it hard to take things seriously.

To allow for some mild titillation, events occur in a hospital designed to cure nymphomania. We see lesbians attempting to have sex. I mention this because it leads to a joke in the script which demonstrates the level of finesse on display. Experiments are being carried out of some patients allowing them to appear younger than their real age.

"She's actually 61 years old", points out the doctor. "Ew," pouts her lover. "You mean I've been muff-diving an old hag?"

Another gem is this: "This is not of terrestrial origin." "What, you mean like E.T.?"

I might not 'get' this film, and that's fair enough. If there are those that find this entertaining, then I'm glad: presumably those who wrote and produced it had a hoot. But it really isn't for me.

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1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:

Pretty Awful, even for Charles Band

Author: JoeB131 from United States
22 April 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie was pretty awful...

Besides stealing names from Star Trek episodes for their one-dimensional characters (I have to wonder, did the writers actually WATCH those Trek episodes, and understand how good characters are developed?) this is your typical screaming half-naked women being picked off by clichéd one-dimensional monster in big dark house movie.

Set in a clinic for treating nymphomaniacs (snicker, snicker) A government agent is on the trail of an ALIEN mummy. That's right, he's not just a mummy, he's an ALIEN mummy, who apparently sucks the life force out of people or claws them to death. Not sure why he does both, but he does.

And I've always wondered, why do monsters in movies like this always kill people while they are engaged in carnal relations? I mean, do these monsters have something against sex?

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1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:

i don't know what to say really ... oh wait yes i do ....

Author: ericxton from United States
3 June 2007

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

OK ... i must say .... full moon ... whats going on with you guys ??? your turning into troma now ?!?!?!?!? OK the monster / alien/ mummy guy was cool looked great for alien mummy .... and the idea for the film was freaking great ...come on, mad doc using sexually over stimulated chicks for eternal youth experiments ??? and the mummy stumbles across them all ....nice .. i read the back and thought wow this will either be a great monster movie or a well thought out porno ...neither happened .... only one set of titties the whole show ... i think ... and if i cant remember them then what was the point of them being there to start with ?.... now im not sure but im thinking that full moon is just doing the troma idea now and buying other peoples films and distributing them under the name of the company ...well BAD IDEA FULL MOON PEOPLE !!!!!!!!!!! STOP IT !!!! OR YOU WILL SOON BE THE NEXT TROMA !!!!!!!!! and troma used to be great and would give you insane of the wall movies for your buck ...and now ..good god they just buy crappy films from film students that don't know whats going on half the time and slap it under a troma film ... when i heard full moon was back in business i was happy .... i loved the classics .... so i thought i would give it a shot and see what the new stuff was like ... well ... stick to the doll movies man ... and go back to making them yourself for the love of all things full moon ...please before its too late...

(4), vocalist GOD IN A MACHINE

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0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:

ed woods 2008???

Author: tommy61986-1 from Puerto Rico
25 September 2008

charles band is indeed the ed wood of our era..this movie was done and over in 65min.full moon is robbing us in the redbox for a buck.iam a true monster fan but this one was the worst of all of the full moon madness DVD .band's puppets are even better to watch then this guy wrap with toilet paper and turning people into stone.more time were spend on some kind of a lesbo scene,which was the best highlight of the movie.charles band should be banned from stealing other people's plots,no acting,no screenplay,no gore,no f/x and band as the director was sleeping doing this piece of junk..ed woods is laughing from his grave..please don't make a part two..a junk is a junk and a movie is a it for free instead.

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