Actor Playing Stottlemeyer: [talking on fake cellphone] Uh look, I know he's a bit eccentric, but Adrian Monk is the best damn investigator I've ever had so you tell the mayor if he goes I go.
Actor Playing Stottlemeyer: That's right.
Actor Playing Stottlemeyer: Lt. Disher! Lt. Disher, you got a minute?
Actress Playing Disher: [Actor Playing Disher walks in] Yes Captain.
Actor Playing Stottlemeyer: Uh what the hell do I say? I got it. The victim, the victim just received a check for fifty-thousand dollars. Pretty weird time to kill yourself. What do you think?
Actress Playing Disher: I'll tell you what I think. I think the department doesn't appreciate you enough.
[gets closer to Actor Playing Stottlemeyer]
Actor Playing Stottlemeyer: Randy, what are you doing?
Actress Playing Disher: I'm doing what you taught me to do Captain, following my instincts.
[she and Actor Playing Stottlemeyer start kissing]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: That never happened.
Lt. Randall Disher: Not even once.
Adrian Monk: [Monk bangs on the door] Natalie, it's me.
[Natalie opens her front door]
Adrian Monk: At least I think it's me.
Natalie Teeger: Oh, Mr. Monk, what time is it?
[she wipes sleep out of her eyes]
Adrian Monk: You were right about actors. He's completely unstable.
[he walks into her house]
Natalie Teeger: What did he do?
Adrian Monk: Oh, he's so selfish. He's immature. Get this: he barged into my house in the middle of the night, woke me up because he *felt* like talking...
Natalie Teeger: Umm, I can't imagine what that would be like...
Adrian Monk: So we talked for hours. I will say this, he gets me, he *really* gets me, he understands about Trudy. He was dredging up these feelings. Feelings I haven't had in years. And then he made us food - fried eggs with the yolk exactly in the center, I mean exactly. He used a ruler, just the way I like them.
Adrian Monk: It was very confusing but delicious. Confusing, but delicious. And then he said he was tired and asked me to leave.
Natalie Teeger: So you left?
Adrian Monk: He has to get up at 6:00.
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, that's *your* house!
Adrian Monk: [Momentarily stunned] Boy, he's a good actor.
Dr. Charles Kroger: That must have been a traumatic experience for you Adrian. And they cancelled the movie?
Adrian Monk: He said he wanted to play a character who wasn't so dark and depressing. He's in England doing Hamlet.
Dr. Charles Kroger: How about the little getaway you were planning? The weekend away?
[Adrian shakes his head]
Dr. Charles Kroger: All right, okay, maybe another time.
Adrian Monk: I guess I'm back to square one.
Adrian Monk: It's good to be home.
Dr. Charles Kroger: Adrian, please don't be hard on yourself. I think we should go back to three days a week for just a little while. That would be Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Adrian Monk: And Tuesday.
Dr. Charles Kroger: Tuesday would be four days a week...
[Monk give Kroger a beleaguered look]
Dr. Charles Kroger: Okay, I could see that just until you're back on your feet...
Adrian Monk: And Thursday.
Dr. Charles Kroger: Oh no, Thursday is five days a week, Adrian.
[With his head in his hand Adrian moans]
Dr. Charles Kroger: Okay, that way five days a week would be easier to remember...
Adrian Monk: And Saturday.
Dr. Charles Kroger: Well, Saturday is the weekend and I don't like to see patients on the weekends.
Adrian Monk: Saturday!
Dr. Charles Kroger: Adrian, I have a family and I like to keep the weekend free...
Adrian Monk: [Desperately] Saturday!
Dr. Charles Kroger: Okay, we'll try that for a weekend or two. So that would be Monday, Tuesday...
Adrian Monk: And Sunday.