Critic Reviews



Based on 29 critic reviews provided by
Village Voice
Squeamish types may balk, but the gory cruelty on display here is faithful to the source material and deeply thrilling.
The film's secret weapon proves to be Freddy Krueger–fingernailed witch Marique, whom Rose McGowan plays with the kind of fuck-it-all brio - imagine a cross between Madeline Kahn in "History of the World: Part I" and Lady Gaga - that should garner her a Razzie and an Oscar.
The well-executed picture solves the biggest challenge facing those hoping to breathe new life -- however nasty, brutish and short -- into the 79-year-old franchise by finding an actor capable of filling Ah-nuld's shoes.
Orlando Sentinel
Take away much of the myth, most of the sorcery and all of the humor of the 1982 John Milius-Arnold Schwarzenegger version of the sword and sorcery epic "Conan the Barbarian" and you've got an idea what the new "Conan" is like.
There's something and nothing for everyone in Conan the Barbarian 3D.
Boxoffice Magazine
The bigger problem is that the action literally bleeds together and there's no sense of pacing.
A brutal, crude, witless high-tech CGI contrivance, in which no artificial technique has been overlooked, including 3-D.
There is no purpose to the film other than random blood splattering amid scenes of bondage, primitive savagery and S&M eroticism. The film is numbing and dumb with its hero indistinguishable from its villains.
There's just not a lot to like here, with the exception of what may be one of the all-time best bad movie lines, one Conan utters to Tamara as a kind of personal credo: "I live. I love. I slay. I am content."
Slant Magazine
The re-whatevered Conan the Barbarian feels unexpectedly low-rent, even with its multi-million-dollar backdrops and ear-splitting, rumbling soundtrack and (presumably post-converted) 3D imagery.

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