The Hammer (2007)
Jerry Ferro: You guys sure seem to love Nicaragua except for the part where you risked your lives not to live there any more.
Oswaldo Sanchez: Jerry! Jerry! Wake up, man! You missing the tryouts, man!
Jerry Ferro: [sleeping] I'll do the Olympics next time...
Jerry Ferro: Do you have taquitos?
Roach Coach Lady: Taquitos?
Jerry Ferro: Hey, if you said spaghetti I wouldn't be confused. Taquitos!
Jerry Ferro: Look at these kids, they look pissed off cuz this weren't Disneyland. I would've sue my parents if they took me here.
Coach Bell: So what are you?
Jerry Ferro: Well, up until 2 hours ago, I was a carpenter.
Coach Bell: So you still have your amateur status?
Jerry Ferro: Not as a carpenter.
Jerry Ferro: What are you building?
Woman Who Argues With Jerry: Storage shed.
Jerry Ferro: What are you siding it with?
Woman Who Argues With Jerry: T-111.
Jerry Ferro: ...You gotta be careful with that T-111. You wanna get the margins right, you know. They have a T&G joint. Wanna get it just right.
Woman Who Argues With Jerry: If by T&G you mean tongue and groove, you're wrong. The T-111 has a shiplap seam.
Jerry Ferro: I'm pretty sure it's T&G. I've worked with it a lot.
Woman Who Argues With Jerry: No. No. It's shiplap.
Jerry Ferro: Well, let's talk foundation bolting. What are you holding the bottom plate down to the slab with.
Woman Who Argues With Jerry: Redheads.
Jerry Ferro: Oh, you're going with wedge anchors. Yeah, I'd go with J bolts. I'd put 'em in when the slab was wet. That way, I wouldn't have to bust out the roto hammer.
Woman Who Argues With Jerry: Well, if I was going with a footing, I'd use the J bolts but we have a 4-inch slab, so...
Jerry Ferro: [arrogantly] Cut corners, people get hurt.
Woman Who Argues With Jerry: It's a tool shed. It's not an underground parking structure.
Jerry Ferro: [mock outrage] Okay. We're in earthquake country. I don't know if you heard.
Woman Who Argues With Jerry: So what you building...
Jerry Ferro: ...I'm building a deck for my lady...
Woman Who Argues With Jerry: What you screwing it off with, deckers?
Jerry Ferro: No, using 16-penny galvanized common heads.
Woman Who Argues With Jerry: Oh, you get a hell of a lot more grab with a core-stripped bugle head zinc drywall screw.
Jerry Ferro: I hit.690 in the Van Nuys Unlimited Arc League.
Woman Who Argues With Jerry: All-American, Arizona state.
Jerry Ferro: Ozzie!
Oswaldo Sanchez: Yeah?
Jerry Ferro: [Quietly] Let's get those uh... Let's get those drywall screws.
Jerry Ferro: [opening voice over] They say you should never let go of your dreams. But if your dream is to be a Mouseketeer, and you're 45, you may want to let that one go. On the other hand, if your dream is to be a Wal-Mart greeter, you can hang on to that baby until like a year after you die. Me? I don't even know what my dream is, but it's all right. I've got time. I won't be turning forty for another...
[alarm clock begins beeping]
Jerry Ferro: Ugh! I just turned forty.