Jack and Jill (I) (2011)
Ted: What's this about a twin?
Todd: Oh, Jack. He has a twin sister.
Ted: Are you kidding me? You never told me you had a twin sister.
Jack Sadelstein: No, no, I mean, she's...
Ted: Identical or fraternal?
Todd: Nocturnal, like a bat.
Al Pacino: [after seeing his Dunkaccino commercial] Burn this.
Jill Sadelstein: [after breaking his Oscar] Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! I am sure you have others, though.
Al Pacino: Uh, you'd think it, but, uh, oddly enough, I don't.
Gary Sadelstein: What are you gonna wear Daddy... in hell?
Jack Sadelstein: Did I ever tell you Todd is an atheist?
Jill Sadelstein: A WHAT?
Todd: Oh, God.
Jack Sadelstein: Have a great time, guys.
Jill Sadelstein: No! How could there be a Grand Canyon if God didn't exist?
Todd: Right. That's a very good point. I'm just saying, you know, maybe...
Jill Sadelstein: Maybe God wouldn't have given you a rat face if you believed in him.
Todd: I don't have a rat face.
Jill Sadelstein: Yes, you do have a rat face! It's scary.
John McEnroe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. This guy doesn't believe in God?
Jill Sadelstein: No!
Todd: No, no, I'm just saying that there's not real proof.
John McEnroe: IDIOTS like you really make me MAD!
Michael Irvin: Fight! Fight!
Jill Sadelstein: Oh, please! Tell me you don't feel this.
Jack Sadelstein: I didn't feel it. Maybe if you did it harder.
Jack Sadelstein: Little harder.
[slaps a little more harder]
Erin Sadelstein: No, Jill, stop it. He's kidding
Jill Sadelstein: What?
[Gary punches her, knocks her out of the chair]
Otto: Donkey fight!
Erin Sadelstein: Jill, are you okay?.
Jill Sadelstein: Yeah, no, I'm fine. Gary, that was... He didn't 100% percent connect.
Gary Sadelstein: Feel that, Daddy?
Jack Sadelstein: I... I actually did feel something, there. Pride in my son.
Jack Sadelstein: [to Jill] Don't forget your sweat shadow.
Jack Sadelstein: I can't believe this. This is insane, man! You gotta call him!
Jill Sadelstein: Oh, cool your buns. You know I'm still hurting the whole Funbucket fiasco.
Jack Sadelstein: No, but Pacino liked you! I swear to God, he really liked you!
Jill Sadelstein: Oh, will you stop already? You know all he wants to do is play Twister with your sister.