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"Married with Children" The Worst Noel (TV Episode 1993) Poster

Quotes

Peggy: What does Cheers have to do with Christmas?

Al: What does NBC have to do with television?

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Peggy: You're going too fast, I can't... what was that? What was that? What was that?

Al: A "Bewitched" with Dick York, not Dick Sargent, as Darrin, a "Gilligan" where the gorilla comes to the island, a "Full House" Christmas special where they get snowed in at the airport, and the mating habits of the Amazonian catfish with Phillipe, not Jacques Cousteau.

Peggy: You can see all that, but you can't see the rim around the toilet?

Al: I see what I want to see.

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Peggy: Oooh, look, "It's A Wonderful Life".

Al: Peg, I hate this movie.

Peggy: How can you hate "It's A Wonderful Life"?

Al: Because it's a horrible life. You know the reason they never made a sequel? Because when the guy came back he killed himself. And this time he took that angel with him. This must be written by a woman. This stinks, it bites, it blows. But if you wanna watch it, Peg...

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Al: What's on now?

Peggy: I Love Lucy.

Al: Well I hate Lucy. The real star was Fred. They should've killed off Ethel, Lucy and that illegal alien... Made Fred a single man and called it "Mertz's World", but oh well.

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Kelly: [about a juke box] Well, we can take it upstairs and hide it in one of our rooms?

Bud: Oh, no problem. Just let me eats me spinach first.

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Al: You know, Marcy, it's a damn shame you're not having a Christmas party this year. I had a really good time at the last one. Remember, I got 95 cocktail weenies stuffed in my mouth? I would have gotten 96 in if I didn't have to sneeze. Hey, you remember the look on your boss's face? It's a shame you're not having a Christmas party for a got a whole new batch of dwarf jokes to tell this year.

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Announcer: And now the Black Entertainment channel presents: It's a Malcolm X-mass.

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Announcer: A&E is proud to present: It's a Hitler Christmas.

Al: A&E? I thought we had that blocked!

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Al: Oh, no. Not Sally Struthers feeds the Third World channel. Hey, Sally, open your purse up! I'm sure there's enough Ding-Dong's and Ho-Ho's in there to open a new Seven-Eleven! That's that every starving kid needs, someone like Sally standing their while they're eating saying, "are you gonna finish that?"

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Kelly: We wouldn't be having this problem if we had used a see-saw.

Bud: We wouldn't be having this problem if Dad had used a condom.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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