Married... with Children (TV Series)

The Worst Noel (1993)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peggy Bundy : What does Cheers have to do with Christmas?

  Al Bundy : What does NBC have to do with television?

• Peggy Bundy : Oh, now, now, there you go, you're going too fast. Come on, Al... What was that? What was that? What was that?

  Al Bundy : A "Bewitched" with Dick York, not Dick Sargent, as Darrin, a "Gilligan" where the gorilla came to the island, a "Full House" family Christmas story where they get snowed in at the airport, and the mating habits of the Amazonian catfish with Phillipe, not Jacques Cousteau.

  Peggy Bundy : You can see all that, and yet you can't see the rim around the toilet?

  Al Bundy : I see what I want to see, Peg.

• Peggy Bundy : Oooh, look, "It's A Wonderful Life".

  Al Bundy : Peg, I hate this movie.

  Peggy Bundy : How can you hate "It's A Wonderful Life"?

  Al Bundy : Because it's a horrible life. You know the reason they never made a sequel? Because when the guy came back he killed himself. And this time he took that angel with him. This must be written by a woman. This stinks, it bites, it blows. But if you wanna watch it, Peg...

• Peggy Bundy : There. I Love Lucy.

  Al Bundy : Well, I hate Lucy. The real star was Fred. They should've killed off Ethel and Lucy and that illegal alien. They should've made Fred a single guy and called it "Mertz's World", but if you want to watch it...

• Announcer : A&E, the Arts and Entertainment Channel, presents: It's a Hitler Christmas.

  Al Bundy : Arts and Entertainment Channel? I thought we had that blocked!

• Al Bundy : Marcy, are you having a Christmas party this year?

  Marcy D'Arcy : Nope, sorry. Uh, by the way, can I borrow some ice?

  Peggy Bundy : Sure, help yourself.

  Al Bundy : You know, it's a damn shame you're not having that Christmas party. I had a good time at that last one. Remember, I got 95 cocktail weenies in my mouth?

  Marcy D'Arcy : [sarcastically]  Yeah, that was real funny, Al.

  Al Bundy : You know, I would have got 96 in there if I didn't have to sneeze. Hey, you remember the look on your boss's face? Ah, I wish you were having a party, I really enjoyed it. It's a shame, too, because I've got a whole new batch of dwarf jokes this year.

  Marcy D'Arcy : That makes me all the sadder that we're not.

• Al Bundy : Oh, no. Not Sally Struthers feeds the Third World channel. Sally, open your purse up! I'm sure there's enough Ding-Dongs and Ho-Hos in there to start a new 7-11! That's all these starving kids need, someone like Sally standing there saying, "Are you gonna finish that?"

• Al Bundy : God, is that Michael Bolton screaming "Silent Night"? What's his next number gonna be, "Hark the Hairy Angels Sings"?

• Peggy Bundy : Oh, now you're taking up more than half the remote.

  Al Bundy : Well, you're taking up more than half the couch!

• Peggy Bundy : Give me the remote.

  Al Bundy : Ah, here we go. Now I know what you're gonna do. You're gonna go real slow and aggravate me. Please don't do this, Peg.

  Peggy Bundy : I'll go fast, I promise.

  [turns the channel] 

  Female Announcer : This is PBS. And if you want more bad English television that your friends will insist is better than bad American television, please send your pledges in either cash, check, or can food to...

  Al Bundy : Uh, Pookie?

  Peggy Bundy : What, Al?

  Al Bundy : Just out of curiosity, why are we watching this?

  Peggy Bundy : Well, you know, I've...

  Al Bundy : TURN IT!

• Peggy Bundy : You know, you don't like anything.

  Al Bundy : Starting with you!

• Peggy Bundy : [while watching TV]  You know, I have just one thing to say about oil wrestling.

  Al Bundy : What?

  Peggy Bundy : Do we have to watch this?

  Al Bundy : What is it? You look over, you see a smile on my face, you say, "I can't have this"?

• Peggy Bundy : Honey, how come you never wrestle with me?

  Al Bundy : Because either I end up on top of you or you end up on top of me, and either way, I lose.