Ted: No, it's not an adventure, it's a mistake!
Lily: OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not. And dammit, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this; my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?
Ted: I dunno, you said mistake a lot.
Marshall Eriksen: [about the date] How'd it go, dude?
Ted: I didn't go.
Marshall Eriksen: What? Why?
Ted: I changed my mind. I don't wanna meet her.
Marshall Eriksen: Why? She... she sounds perfect.
Ted: I don't want perfect. I want Robin.
Marshall Eriksen: Oh, God, not this again! Ted, it's a mistake.
Ted: [looks at Lily] Maybe, but it's a mistake I have to make.
Narrator: Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway.
Robin Scherbatsky: I thought it might look cool. Of course, my colorist took "highlights" to mean I want to look like a tiger. Hence the hat.
Ted: Oh, I got to see this!
Robin Scherbatsky: No way!
Ted: Please? I bet it doesn't look that bad. I bet it looks grrrrrrrrrrrreat!
Robin Scherbatsky: Need a ride, cowboy?
Ted: Sorry, I don't get in vans with strangers.
Robin Scherbatsky: Hmmm, too bad. I've got candy.
Ted: [speaks in code because Marshall is in the room] So, Lil, did you... get the milk?
Lily: Yeah. Yeah, I got it.
Ted: You think you might wanna... drink the milk?
Lily: No. No, I'm good. I don't need any milk.
Ted: [on the phone] Hey, Lily, this is Ted, the guy you left stranded by the side of the road. Uh, just wanted to say good luck with the interview. Um, remember to pick up some milk. Oh, and when you get home, I'm going to kill you. And also, I texted you the same thing.
Barney Stinson: Oh, thank God, you're here.
Fake Paramedic: What is going on?
Barney Stinson: I think there might be some internal bleeding. Probably some fractures. We got to get her to the hospital.
Beautiful Woman: What are you talking about?
Barney Stinson: You've had a terrible fall.
Beautiful Woman: No, I haven't.
Barney Stinson: Really? 'Cause I could swear you fell straight out of heaven. Angel.
Ted: I realize why I'm still single. I'm picky. I'm not going to settle. If I'm going to marry someone, she has to be perfect.
Lily: Well, what's perfect?
Ted: It's not like I have a list.
Robin Scherbatsky: Oh, yes, you do.
Ted: Attractive, college-educated, she wants two kids - a boy and a girl...
Lily: That's not hard. I know at least...
Ted: I'm not done. She likes dogs, Otis Redding, does the crossword. She's into sports, but not so much so that her legs are, like, more muscular than mine. That weirds me out. And she plays bass guitar like Kim Deal from the Pixies.
Marshall Eriksen: Or Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth.
Ted: Any Kim from any cool band, really. Can't be too picky.
Lily: You're never going to find this girl.
Barney Stinson: Tracy, could you come in here, please? Would you please inform Mr. Eriksen that I'm no longer speaking to him.
Tracy: Mr. Eriksen, Mr. Stinson is no longer...
Marshall Eriksen: I get it. Thank you, Tracy.
Lily: You can never tell Marshall.
Ted: I won't.
Lily: Ever. Swear. Swear on the lives of your unborn boy and girl.
Ted: I swear on Luke and Leia.
Ted: I know you do. Come here. It's okay. Look... Marriage is big. You're allowed to freak out.
Lily: But why am I the only one? How come Marshall isn't doing anything crazy?
Marshall Eriksen: [In Barney's office] So all we need is one large shipping box and 100 white mice.
Ted: Hey. So, Lil, did you, uh, get the milk?
Lily: Yeah. Yeah, I-I got it.
Ted: You think you might want to... drink the milk?
Lily: No. Nope, I'm good. I don't need any milk.
Marshall Eriksen: Look, guys, I know milk is important - it's got vitamin A, vitamin D, it's a great way to start the morning - but Ted just had a huge date!
Barney Stinson: This feud goes so far back, I don't even remember who fired the first shot.
Marshall Eriksen: You?
Barney Stinson: Totally!
Lily: 28. Two more 'til the big one, three-oh.
Narrator: Actually, my 30th birthday wasn't so bad. Well, except for the goat in my bathroom. Which is a great story. But I'll get to that later.
Lily: Still, you know, another year older. Still single. You don't hear your Tedological clock ticking?
Ted: [At love solutions] What happened to Ellen Pierce? Doesn't she run this place?
Bob Rorschach: Well, my firm bought out the company. You know, we're a high-end meats and textiles conglomerate, but the geniuses at corporate decided they wanted to diversify, so... here I am.
Ted: So I'm in good hands. You found me a match?
Bob Rorschach: There she is. Your soul mate. That'll be 500 bucks.
Ted: No way. The last time I did this, the girl turned out to be engaged.
Bob Rorschach: She's not engaged. She's your soul mate!