- Caroline Ingalls: There are times when I think men are the most senseless creatures in the world.
- Charles Ingalls: Thank you.
- Caroline Ingalls: Present company excepted, of course.
- Charles Ingalls: What did the rest of these men do to upset you so much?
- Caroline Ingalls: Someone... I think it was Dr. Baker... talked Mr. Hansen into making an attempt at courting Harriet Olsen.
- Charles Ingalls: What?
- Caroline Ingalls: I suppose to make Mr. Olsen so jealous, he'd come running back and take her in his arms.
- Charles Ingalls: Well, what did Mrs. Olsen think about that?
- Caroline Ingalls: Well, what any decent women would think. She was shocked. She was so shocked she... sh...
- Charles Ingalls: She what?
- Caroline Ingalls: She threw a whole scoop of flour on him.
- Charles Ingalls: Oh, was she out of eggs?
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: [to his wife] It would be better off for this whole town if you were locked up in a cage and fed with a stick! You have made life miserable for everyone...
- Mrs. Oleson: You disgraced me before of the whole town, and I want nothing less than a public apology!
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: I disgraced YOU? YOU disgraced ME!
- [they yell at each other. The reverend tries to make peace]
- Reverend Robert Alden: Please, there must be forgiveness!
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: Forgiveness? Don't talk to me about forgiveness till you lived with a women like that.
- Mrs. Oleson: Tssskkk...
- [both of them leave the church]
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: Get out of that candy!
- Mrs. Oleson: How stingy!
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: I'm not stingy. Their teeth will fall out. Is that what you want to happen? Their teeth to fall out?
- Mrs. Oleson: You may each have three pieces of candy. Take them nicely and then run off to school.
- [Caroline brings basket of eggs to the Olesons' store. Harriet examines the eggs criticizingly and offers to pay Caroline less than the usual price. Nels intervenes]
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: There's nothing wrong with those eggs.
- Mrs. Oleson: I think I'll be the judge of that.
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: Judge? You're not the judge of anything.
- Mrs. Oleson: Bu...
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: You want to know what you are? I'm gonna tell you what you are...
- Mrs. Oleson: [while Nels is still talking] What do you think you are doing?
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: You are a mean, nasty-tempered woman and it would be better off for this whole town...
- Mrs. Oleson: Who do you think you are, calling me mean and nasty-tempered?
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: It would be better off for this whole town if you were locked up in a cage and fed with a stick! You have made life miserable for...
- Mrs. Oleson: Why, you ungrateful louse!
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: Oh, is that right?
- Mrs. Oleson: Yes!
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: Well, let me tell you something. It's about a put my foot down! It's about time you find out who wears the pants in this family! For now on, I would judge the eggs around here.
- [Harriet stares at Nels with mixed expression of anger and surprise]
- Mrs. Oleson: Fine... FINE! You go right ahead and judge them!
- [Harriet dumps the basket of eggs on poor Nels' head. The eggs break and run down his face. Harriet leaves. Caroline gapes. Nels turns to Caroline, while the basket is still on his head, his face and shirt are covered with yellow yolk drippings]
- Nelson "Nels" Oleson: Now Mrs. Ingalls, if you would be kind enough to tell me how much your eggs would have been worth at the regular price...
- [later, Carolin tells Charles what happened at the store. Charles bursts out laughing, but Caroline does not think it is funny]
- Charles Ingalls: Are you going to bring eggs to Mrs. Olsen tomorrow?
- Caroline Ingalls: Of course, I always do.
- Charles Ingalls: [laughs] Well, you better hard boil them.
- Dr. Hiram Baker: A man doesn't worry about losing something that nobody else wants.
- Lars Hanson: Why should he worry?
- Dr. Hiram Baker: Why indeed? But if a man thinks that another man is about to run off with something that has always belonged to him absolutely, then that man is going to rise up to declare his ownership in no uncertain terms !
- Lars Hanson: Right. But uh... who is gonna run off with Mrs. Olsen?
- Dr. Hiram Baker: You.
- Lars Hanson: Who?
- Dr. Hiram Baker: You.