Roseanne Conner: [Darlene goes to answer the door bell] Hey, Darlene, you're on your best behavior.
Darlene Conner: [chuckles sarcastically] Yeah, right.
Burt Drucker: I mean, I really love the idea of family, you know? Barbeques, and cook outs, and holidays; getting up early Saturday morning so the kids can watch cartoons.
Roseanne Conner: Something tells me you've never been puked on by a two year old, Burt.
Roseanne Conner: [about their relentlessly annoying, needy visitor] He's a human being.
Dan Conner: [angrily] You got proof of that?
Burt Drucker: Dan, Roseanne, this has been the best night, the best weekend of my life. And I want to thank you in the only way I see fit... I'm leaving.
Dan Conner: Burt. Don't... don't toy with us.
Dan Conner: I had a dream last night, I was on my way to Oz with DJ and Toto, the Wicked Witch looked in her crystal ball, Burt Drucker was one of the flying monkeys.
Roseanne Conner: We're children of the 60s, Dan, we're supposed to love people, and anymore that's about the only thing we can afford to give away.